Potential Starvation

I’m very hungry and I don’t know what I want but I do know I don’t want to cook. I can’t decide what sort of junk food I need to keep the engine running. Within easy driving range I’ve got hamburgers, steak burgers, tacos, pizza and submarines. I need suggestion and I NEED THEM NOW.

Help me.

Chinese food!

Or is that not an option?

Driving range food is [del]usually[/del] almost always a bad idea.

No convenient Chinese food places.

I’ve seen driving ranges that serve food. I kinda want good food, though.

Keep those cards and letters coming.

Steak burger dude. What are you doing, sitting there with a steak burger within driving range?

If you don’t want to cook, you can always call a sit down restaurant in driving distance and get some nice take out. Pick a local place and not a chain. You’re welcome.

Well, steak burger is the longest drive but it will probably be the one I pick.

I don’t like sit down restaurants. Thank you.

Not a single one in the whole world? I’m not saying go sit down in one, I’m saying call, get some shit to go, grub. Win win win.

Mrs. Stouffer stopped by; she’s making me a lasagna. It ain’t what I wanted, though. But I don’t have to get dressed, go out, and come back. She don’t care if I ain’t dressed.

Well that’s mighty kind of her.


Is this a regular thing? I am not sure it would make a good man-over-nature survival story but maybe it could if you wrote one in a unique way.

I was on the edge of my seat until you revealed the frozen lasagna climax. I think the ending needs some work.

Shame, shame. You didn’t read the Doper Rules to Live by Handbook did you?

Rule #153: "There is no tasty or nutritious food available at any chain restaurant and they have to be avoided at all costs no matter what the circumstances. They are tools of a right-wing capitalist conspiracy. Quality food can only be found in locally owned establishments run by a husband and wife team known by the code names "Mom’ and “Pop”. They escaped oppressive regimes in the old country to smuggle in carefully guarded recipes ranging from Chop Suey to Ruben sandwiches. These establishments use their profits to fund grass-roots programs focused on helping the local community and they are found in all cities and towns and if you go out of the way and befriend the locals.

I’m so relieved! For a minute I thought your boyish figure was in danger of becoming skeletal!

Rule #153 in need of amendment: Subway turkey breast on wheat. Lettuce, tomatoes, onions and a few banana peppers. Oil & vinegar, salt & pepper. Nutritious, tasty and helped Jared lose weight. And Subway helps local communities: http://www.subway.com/subwayroot/AboutSubway/helpingSociety/index.aspx

From A Walk On The Wild Side fy Nelson Algren:

Never play cards with a man called Doc.

Never eat at a place called Mom’s.

Excellent advice.

The ending absolutely needs work; the damned lasagna has given me some world class indigestion. If it weren’t for the damned lasagna I wouldn’t be awake at 2:00 AM. I think we are both very disappointed by the frozen lasagna climax. I’ll try to do better next time.

Damn. I couldda had a Subway.

Na, it isn’t that at all. Thanks, though. OP just said he didn’t feel like fast food and wanted something a lil more substantial. So. . . to me, you can get more home cooked type shit at Local Restaurant X than Apple Bees. Same price, too. Don’t worry, I eat at chains, too.

The only thing worse than the Doper Snob Brigade is the equally as swift Doper ANTI SNOB Brigade.