Kill self.
All right, I think we can patch you up a bit…
my first trainwreck! jumps with glee
*voiceover: level up! your jumping skill has increased. *
Reclaim all my base.
Congratulations, Player! All your base have now been returned.
If it’s any consolation shijinn, it was a really fun trainwreck and no one was seriously injured 
Tell OpalCat to throw pool cue at ceiling fan.
admire trainwreck
I am all up for playing when the tracks are clear
N
A fierce rabid wolf leaps out of the forest, blocking your path. It is growling menacingly.
Throw sword at rabid wolf
The rabid wolf disappears in a puff of green smoke.
Get sword
Sword taken.
Look
The trainwreck still smolders in the distance, but here things are more peaceful. A badly overgrown path leads into the forest to the west. The trainwreck is to the south.
There is a scrap of paper here.
read paper
“I’d love to take part in a text adventure-style game! Maybe you should start another thread, however, since the signal-to-noise ratio around here is a bit low 
~Diceman”
W
You are in a clearing. Bees are fluttering around a bush of pink roses. Through the thicket you see something white shimmering to the north. A path leads to the south.
South
You are on a darkening path, lined with prickly bushes. To the north is a faint shimmering. The darkened path leads to the east. At your feet is an empty vase and a pair of long-handled tongs.
Sniffling noises come from beyond the bushes.
Get empty vase; tongs
Taken
The sniffling noises seem to get louder.
This is tickling my memory. Where does this come from? i know that I’ve played it. It must’ve been a million years ago though
look at bushes
The bushes grow densely along side the dirt path, often times encroaching upon it. You notice they are thickly intertwined and very thorny. The leaves are moist and shiny, apparently from a rainstorm earlier that day.
look through bushes
You can just barely make out a faint shadow through the tangled mass of thorns.
push aside bushes
You can not get a good grip with your bare hands.
The sniffling noises seem to get louder.
Grab bushes
The thorns hurt your hands.
Use tongs
What do you want to do with the tongs?
The sniffling noises seem to get louder.
Push aside bushes with tongs
The prickly bushes suddenly part and you find yourself face to face with a massive red dog with burning, ruby eyes. The red dog leaps at you.
Combine tongs with vase
You now have a Vorpal Sword +5 vs. red dogs.
Swing sword wildly in general direction of attacking dog
You cut a wide swathe through the bushes, the red dog runs away yelping from a severed tail, and you are missing your left hand.
Curse
razzin, frazzin, grumble, bumble, stupid sword…
Retrieve severed hand
You pick up your hand and place it in your backpack.
Look
North, you can now make your way through the bushes. East is a path with a sign reading “Grandma’s House - Shortcut”. West is right out. South is the direction the red dog ran. On the ground there is a gold key, a small booklet entitled “Instructions”, and an anvil.
Take key
You take the gold key.
Take anvil
It’s too heavy.
Examine anvil
You’re no expert on anvils, but even then this looks like a mighty good one.
Rub anvil
Whatever gets you off, buddy.
take booklet
you take the small booklet entitled “Instructions”.
examine situation
you’re not sure what happened. last you remember you were in a small white room entering the SDMB when you find yourself in a trainwreck, now you’ve cut off your hand warding off a little red riding dog with a strange tong-sword made from a flower vase… what do you do?
inventory
you have a muck fork, sword, Vorpal Sword +5, your severed hand, a gold key, a small booklet entitled “Instructions” and 0 gold.
examine booklet
can we end our posts with the commands (in italics)? it may be fun having the next poster parse your instructions.
The booklet is rather worn and thin, and several pages are in languages you don’t understand but the inside cover reads “Congratulations on your purchase of the George Foreman Grill. Please read these instructions before using your grill.”
Drop booklet
The booklet flutters to the ground.
Use anvil to reattach hand
I’m sorry, Luke, but you can’t reattach your hand. It’s vital to the plot.
Attack anvil with vorpal sword
The anvil is impervious to your attacks. The sword bounces off harmlessly and you nearly lose an ear.
East
Good choice. Perhaps Grandma has cookies and some bandages for your new stump.
Look
East, the path continues winding into the distance. North, scary looking woods beckon to you and you glimpse shadows flitting within. South, a roadside cafe & bar with several Harley Davidsons parked outside. West, back to the anvil and bad memories.
South
You stand outside a cafe & bar. A sign above the door says “Biker’s Bubbles”. From the inside you hear raucous laughter. There are several Harley Davidsons parked here.
Examine Harley
One of the Harley Davidsons seems to still have the key in the lock.
Take key from Harley
You have taken the Harley key.
Enter
you enter the smoke filled cafe and the resident orcs turns to look at you. they don’t look too happy at being interrupted.
look
there are nine orcs, 2 of them sitting at the bar counter, 2 at the single pool table, 1 near you on his way out the door and 4 more sitting at a table. an elf in a dark hood and cloak sits alone in a corner. there is the barkeep, (you’re not sure what he is, but he’s fat). all of them are looking at you intently. East is the door to the kitchen. North is a stairway to the second floor. West is the entrance.
how cliche! ^^’
i don’t know how to cliche.
:smack:
HP -1
brandish Vorpal Sword +5 threateningly
your sword rests easily on the neck of the convenient orc standing next to you.
look at orc menacingly
he’s dressed in black leather, black jacket and black shades.
arh need your clothes, and the keys to the Harrleh
you’re not the Governator and you already have the keys you nitwit. the shades looks good though…
take all