I was about to respond to the “mario kart text adventure” post with “look east” in the “Help Me Make Boring Video Game Thread” when I realized we can make our own real time dynamic text adventure.
These are the rules: uh, we’ll let you know if we think up any rules.
The Game Starts: You are standing in a dark room, you can see the outline of a door in all four directions.
> inventory
You are carrying the following items:
Lighter
Mayonnaise
Deck of Cards
Light ace of spades on fire with the lighter
You have burned your fingers, dropping the mayonnaise in the process. It shatters reassuringly. You hate mayonnaise.
>n
You slam your head into the door breaking your nose.
>Open N door
The door opens into what appears to be a govt office of some sort. There is a ticket-number device and 2 windows with employees behind the counter.
>Talk: “where am I?”
Game> You are in a govt office of some sort, hint: take a number
>take number
You take a number.
>examine number
The number is “24601.”
> eat hand
You pick up the disembodied hand from the floor. Once you realize how it smells, your desire to eat it decreases sharply. Maybe if you hadn’t just eaten.
>look at ceiling
The ceiling is government-issue beige with a flickering fluorescent light fixture in the center. In one corner a dark beige stain stands out against the light beige paint.
“Meetings by appointment only,” barks one of the two desk workers. She wears unfashionable eyeglasses and has decorated her workspace with a poster of a kitten dressed as a person.
The other desk worker wears fashionable eyeglasses and has decorated her workspace with Apple products and homages to 1980s cartoons and video games.
> Say “I would like to make an appointment”
Game> A spider begins making a web in your hair due to the complete lack of action in this “real time” game.
>eat spider
Upon seeing this, the deskworker with the fashionable eyeglasses shows a spark of recognition.
“Hey, didn’t I see you at the Death Cab for Cutie show? I have something for you.” She thrusts a small object into your hand.
This is awkward, and you sense that it will not end well.
>Run s
You are standing in a dark room, you can see the outline of a door in all four directions. A broken jar of mayonnaise is on the ground.
It is very dark in here. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
Overhead speaker: “There is no parking in the yellow zone”
You open the package the desk clerk gave to you and discover that the package contains…
…A thing your Aunt gave to you and you don’t know what it is, you’ve been trying to get rid of The Thing, but it somehow, improbably keeps finding it’s way back to you
opening The Thing reveals two unlabeled cans of aerosol spray, and a note…
“One of these is Grue Repellent, one of these is Grue Attractant, choose wisely…”
Save!