You awaken in a strange room. There is a door to the north labeled “EXIT.” There is a door to the south labeled “Straight Dope.” There is a door on the east wall labeled “Staff Only.”
There is a desk in the southeast corner with a large guestbook. A desk in the southwest corner has a sign saying “register here,” and a friendly-looking receptionist sits behind the desk with a pile of registration forms. A stand next to the staff door holds a shiny polished tuba, a well-worn souzaphone, and a scrawny turkey costume.
The west wall has a collection of couches and comfy chairs (you are on one of the couches). A steady stream of people are passing through the room and signing the guestbook.
>
(Just to show how this works)
> Examine registration desk
You walk over to the registration desk. In addition to the stacks of triplicate registration forms, it has a very large book labeled “members,” plus some assorted office supplies. The receptionist looks at you and says, “Welcome back!”
You spot the thief, who was crouched in the shadows in the corner. You grab him by the scruff of the next and force him to sign a registration form. A notice briefly flashes on a hitherto unnoticed sign above the door saying, “Newest user: PissedOffThief27.”
>
The staff door opens just far enough for you to see a wizened man with gray hair. He is wearing an artist’s smock stained with ink. He slugs you on the arm and says, “that’s mine.” He holds out his hand.
>
You grab the thief (who’s really starting to get annoyed) and shove him toward the open hand of the wizened man. The man seizes the thief, gives you a puzzled look, then pulls the thief into the staff room and closes the door, leaving you holding the turkey costume.
>
The receptionist says, “You don’t need to register, sir. We already know you. You can just sign the guest book and enter.”
>
There is a thunderclap and a blinding flash of light. When you can see again, you find yourself in a large, smoky, round, and rather warm room. There are small fires everywhere, and no visible doors. A perilous staircase winds around the walls, going upward into the gloom.
All around the room, people are shouting insults at each other. Whenever someone utters a particularly creative insult, others rush over to offer congratulations, sometimes even running down the stairs to do so.
Two men sit in the middle of the room wearing jackboots, name tags, wry smirks, and little else. They are holding large hammers. Due to the smoke and bad lighting, you can’t read their name tags from where you are.
>
You proceed up the stairs, ignoring the whispers (“another scaredy-cat lurker”). As you climb, the rough-hewn rock gives way to more smooth and polished stone, handrails appear, and you eventually find yourself on a balcony with granite floor and marble walls.
Over the railing on the south side of the balcony, you can see into the Pit below, but your view is obscured by the smoke. Looking across the room to the south wall, you see a large glowing inscription that says, “Abandon civility all ye who enter here.” There is a door on the west side of the balcony. On the north, a notice is posted on the wall. On the south is a staircase going down, winding around the walls of the room.
The notice says,
You are on a balcony with granite floor and marble walls.
Over the railing on the south side of the balcony, you can see into the Pit below, but your view is obscured by the smoke. Looking across the room to the south wall, you see a large glowing inscription that says, “Abandon civility all ye who enter here.” There is a door on the west side of the balcony. On the north, a notice is posted on the wall. On the south is a staircase going down, winding around the walls of the room.
Go through door on west side.
You are in a long north-south hallway, bustling with activity. The east side of the hallway is full of doors, each with a small brass sign on the wall to the left of the door. There is a plaque in the middle of the west wall. At the far north end is a door with a lit sign above it saying “EXIT.”
>