Vengeance:
Years ago I lived in a condo that had those tiny mail boxes mounted in the wall. A group of younger kids got into the habit of opening up packages that the postman left on doorsteps (since they would not fit into the boxes). We could never find out which kids did it, but we often found the contents of the packages scattered around the halls. A phone call to the post office was met with “We won’t hold your large mail here because we get so many complaints from people who don’t have time to come to the post office to pick up the packages.”
Finally I made up my own package. I filled a narrow box with a mixture of vaseline and shoe polish, then taped the whole thing really well, leaving one end with a single piece of tape so that the natural inclination would be to shove the hand into the opening rather than tearing the box apart. I left it on my doorstep and went to work. When I returned home, the box was gone–but that was the last vandalized box while I lived there.
Practical joke:
My brother worked with a loud-mouthed jerk who spent large portions of every day complaining that American jobs were being stolen by gooks, that the “colored” were just lazy, etc. One of his pet themes was his perception that Reagan should just obliterate “those commies” on the grounds that they were evil and deserved it. As it happened, his winter hat was one of those boxy fur-trimmed hats that are associated with Russian winters. My brother wandered down to the machine shop one day, cut out a perfect 5-pointed star from some scrap sheet metal, stained and buffed the star a nice shade of red and affixed a clip to the back. The next day, while the jerk was out of the office, he pinned the star to the front of the hat as it sat on the corner of the jerk’s desk facing away from the chair. At lunch, Mr. All-American picked up the hat from the back and placed it on his head (as was his wont) and walked out. While he was out running his errands, he noticed that a lot of people were looking at him funny. Finally, outside a store, a passerby in an attempt to be friendly asked him if he was from Russia. In the face of the torrential rebuke that he received, the passerby asked, “Then why do you have a Russian star on your hat?” When he discovered the star, he had a really huge fit. No one in the office, however, would admit to knowing anything about the star, so my brother (not known as a practical joker) was never nailed for the deed.
Strainger-
It sure does. The only difference is that I’ve actually seen the pic of the surfing magazine crowd with the tainted (pun intended) donuts. They used to have it on their website.
I used to tend bar back in college. We made our own green beer on Saint Pat’s Day by squirting 1 or 2 drops of green food coloring in a stein before we filled it with beer.
There was a drunk guy in the bar who was hitting on all the girls and generally being obnoxious. I finally got fed up with him and put about 1/4 inch of food coloring in the stein before drawing is his next beer. Since he was drunk, he never noticed it.
After he drank it, his lips, teeth, gums, and tongue were so green they were almost black. Needless to say, he had even less luck with the ladies looking like that. It took a couple of days for his mouth to look normal, and even longer for people to quit laughing at him.
I once made the mistake of “dating” (if you could call it that) a guy that I worked with… he was also ten years older than me making him 26 to my 16. I was a HS senior at that point (decided to take summer school to boost my credits and get the hell out of there as fast as I could) and at any rate, he was going to be my date for the prom. We were getting ready at his place and I realized that I’d left my shoes at home. I drove back to get them and when I returned to his place the sonofabitch was gone. I waited forever and ended up missing my prom, of course, and of course I was devastated and had a few kind words for him when I saw him at work the next week. My anger and misery didn’t seem to phase him though and I was really pissed now. A few days later I was bored and laying on the couch and, simply because they were there, I decided to take a peek at the personals that my mom was constantly going through. I read a few lame ones before I came across one that sounded like someone I knew…(and who do you think that was?) Well, I just had to call the line and find out if I was right and OH VICTORY I WAS!!! I taped his voice message with my answering machine and clipped his ad, then I took them to work the next day. I enlarged the ad and made about 25 copies of it and laid it on all the desks (after writing, “Hey, ladies, meet (shall remain nameless)!!!” and then about halfway through the shift I put the tape into the stereo we had in the corner of the room and turned it up nearly full blast. I’d ordered everyone to be silent so they could listen to this “important thing” I had for them… damn was his face red.
I heard a good one recently. Put a dead fish in newspaper under some unsuspecting sob’s drivers seat. Or tape a dead goldfish to the bottom of their chair.