I have to pay a $50 maintence fee to my Raymond James account, where we haven’t done a thing with it for years. At least 8. We’ve had no money to play with.
So, we decided to transfer over to Schwab to consolidate the paper work and make things easier.
This means I have to write a letter. It’s wordy and probably grammatically a nightmare.
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Dear Richard,
I would apologize for not responding regarding the $50 maintenance fee, but I see no maintenance on it whatsoever other than dismal returns on all the RJF choice picks that we picked all those years ago when we had some money to blow, no kids and a wide eyed look about us that is now comical to think about, which is why we don’t think about it too much lest we cry over spilt milk, et al.
Two kids, loads of Real Life ( three dead brothers on one side* (mine); Catastrophic accident on the other (in laws permanently disabled in not a good way.); two major accidents –neither our fault and no one was hurt which is all that matters; and permanent hearing loss in one ear** (me) for no explicable reason after about $2000 in co-pays & meds but hey, it’s not a tumor/MS/Stroke…gosh that was a fun summer!) all on one income and a fatter waist line later, the only thing that has maintained its slimness all these years later has been this account. Huh. You guys ever think about starting a diet plan?
The only redeeming factor in our pathetic investment funds has been a suggestion by a friend of ours who is in the medical research field (whom heads up a M***k Research Lab and will one day win a Nobel Prize for Medicine, mark my words). Since he is a poor research Doctor with solid advice and was our best man at our wedding, I feel he is more deserving of the $50 and the fat cats in charge of RJF.
However, as we don’t have $50 to give to each of you and hubby helped the aboveforementioned friend move recently on the hottest day of the year and is not particularly beholden to him at this moment. we believe that RJF has made every effort to entertain our investment :Taking it for a walk once in awhile, thus accounting for the emaciated state of its returns. Paying this maintenence we will do, but wish to transfer it over to Schwab (where they’ve promised our investments a dinner, movie and to wear low cut blouses when looking ( and tittering) at our investments. We are cheap and can be easily had.
**Please send the appropriate forms for us to sign off on everything and have the funds transferred over to Schwab as soon as possible. ** If the check enclosed doesn’t bounce, it means the one to pay for soccer and dance did.
Sincerely,
- Richard handle’s my mom’s (Real Name) account.
** It’s called Sudden Hearing Loss Syndrome. YAY me!
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Should I send it?
