Do you understand that none of the things you do that hurt me have anything to do with our divergent levels of committment? Most- if not all- of them have more to do with just plain old not being nice or thoughtful sometimes.
I’m sorry you think it can all be traced to “I am confused about my life and don’t know if I want to be committed right now” but i feel like the only thing i ever asked of you in any steadfast non-negotiable way was that you be a bit more thoughtful, I don’t want your everlasting love, I just want you not to do shit like cheat on me, fall thru on promises and committments, and jerk me around.
Its NOT about who loves who more, cuz I will love you more as long as it takes, I have no problem with that. What I have a problem with is feeling like i bend over backwards to be there for you when you need me (which I’ve always done happily and with love for you) and then in return, I get these emotional bitch slaps the likes of which i wouldn’t even visit on a passing acquaintence.
If you want to think this is about something other than me asking you to be nice, fine, but its not. I don’t have any lifetime commitments to you. the only thing I wanted was to stay together until you were a little more stable and happy and grounded, in the hopes that it would turn out that our problems weren’t with eachother, but with life. I didn’t want to walk away during the storm. I wanted to be there until you came out of it, then take a serious look at ourselves and make a rational decision. You’ve slid so far from the thoughtful beautiful passionate girl i fell in love with that I’ve been unable to deal with this in any other way than to hope you were truly not yourself and that gfiven patience and love, I (and the world) would see that girl again. I was trying to give you the benifit of the fucking doubt. I still am.
If you plan to live your life anything other than completely alone, or at arms length from humanity, you’ll get further with a little more thoughfulness. I’ve seen you do it, but this latest incident makes it hard for me to think anything other than: no matter how hard you try, when you take off your makeup, you really are a selfish spoiled person, either that or you are trying to give me the “fuck off” hint in unequivocal terms but you don’t actually have the balls to say it.
I never want to see the person you are right now again. Have the loving girl give me a call when she’s gonna be around for a while.