I miss my girl.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

:frowning: :frowning: :frowning: :frowning: :frowning: :frowning:

She’s not really my girl anymore though… This is a continuation of the saga detailed in this thread .
Well, a lot has happened since then and not much, actually. I am so fucking sad now though and I just really want things to make sense. I am not such a well known doper around here, but maybe you guys could make me feel better :frowning:
This girl means a lot to me, but what really bothers me is that we have had such a shitty ending. That is to say that there was no end. See, she isn’t such an emotional girl, but I tend to be more emotional at times too. I fell in love with her because I liked the fact that she is independent in that she doesn’t need a guy to make her feel good. Anyways. I appealed to her emotions in the letter that I wrote her telling her that I was in love with her. She liked it so much and said that she had felt that once before but she had to try it again because she couldn’t miss the chance. We had our time together and it was great. It was everything that I thought it would be and she was really sad when I left. But since then she has simply moved on. I told her in that letter how some things are worth trying even though it didn’t make much sense. She lives in Denmark, anyways. And she told me that it felt good knowing that she had made the right deciscion to dump her boyfriend. I thought then that she felt that it was worth trying too. I went to visit her and things were great.

But I never thought that she’d forget. And that’s what makes this so hard. She isn’t an emotional girl and won’t ever go back to feeling that way about me again.

I called her today and could tell that she wasn’t excited to talk to me, so I decided that I knew what was going on. She had moved on. She had written me earlier that she just can’t hang on to those emotions.

I made her happy in so many ways, (sexually, emotionally, and I made her laugh a lot and we had interesting conversations). She liked just about everything about me good and bad. I felt free to be my true self from her and hide nothing. It made me even happier when she told me that she likes that part about me. I just can’t understand how she can forget about such good feelings.

Right now I don’t doubt that she had those feelings, but I do know that we are just different. She is very happy living with what is realisitic, and I am willing to go great lengths to improve on something. I understand that now, but it just hurts me too much because it feels like shit.
So I wrote her a text message telling her that I realized that I should move on now and that I am sorry I have bothered her by trying to get her to change her mind. She did make a deciscion like that based on her emotions once, but since she hasn’t seen me I guess she forgot why she made that choice that time.

I know that if I am ever to be with her again that I will have to start from the beginning. There is no way I can get her to have these feelings for me again without me being there. But then I don’t even know if that is possible. For me to be with her again I would have to go to Denmark. But if I go, how can I possibly even convince her, let alone anyone else that I am not just some loser.

So I have this choice to make. I want to study for a Masters Degree in Europe somewhere. Actually part of me wants to study in Denmark just because I really liked it a lot there. I really loved the people and how their attitude towards a lot of things are. There is also a program there that interests me a lot and there are a lot of foreign students there too. But then there is this part of me that will want to go just because I may have a chance with my favorite girl in the world again. That’s pretty pathetic, right?

Even if she wanted, somehow, to have another chance with me she wouldn’t be able to say that because that is a huge step. For her to suggest that I move to her city so we could have a “chance” to see what would happen wouldn’t be right either.

But how can I ever get over her anyway? I have never met someone who understood me so well, and who made me so happy. The next girl I find I’ll only wish it were her. We never had any bad moments and we were together 24-7

But I am afraid I have already screwed it up already by being so pathetic about the whole situation. If I were to ever to go to Denmark again how could she respect me? I doubt she would. I told her to write me telling me how she felt, and she said that she would on friday because she went out of town. It would be nice to know that she felt sad about all of this but I don’t think she does :frowning:
So I am pretty sure that she’s the love of my life, and I don’t know about her, but I know she felt something really special too. We used to talk about this special “something” that we had. We couldn’t define it, but she felt it too. She would just sort of look at me with the slightest smile like she was trying to hold it in, as if to say, why does he make me happy by just being himself. Okay that’s hard to describe, but it was a good feeling.

So about two weeks ago I wrote her a letter describing all of those nice feelings. I even made her a cd with some music and sent her some pictures of us together. She said that it made her feel really good and reminded her of all of the nice times that we had and how she thought how sweet I was. But then I wrote her a letter trying to concince her it was worth it to hold on to those feelings. She wrote me back saying that she couldn’t.

Life is just a piece of shit for me now. I lost her now because she doesn’t feel its worth it to be a little unrealistic. It really sucks but that’s the truth. That’s why I hate this situation.

I’ve been looking my whole life for someone who really understand me and makes me happy. She did both of these, and I made her really happy too. But I have to put her in the past now, like she did with me a lot longer before.

I don’t know what she’s going to write me in her email on friday, but I’m sure it won’t be “good” I already know what she’s going to write. Its just too sad to deal with. We had something beautiful, but it ended because of the circumstances, and she isn’t a hopeless romantic like me who would do anything to be with the perfect person. I know that is why she was with her old boyfriend for 5 years.

She used to write me telling me how she would sleep in my tshirt that I left her. She told me how she had a picture of me up. But then one day she took it down. I suppose me keeping her picture up won’t do me any good anyway.

I suppose I’ll do something a little crazy. I’ll post a pic of .

http://www2.netdoor.com/~michael1/PICT0564.jpgme and her .
I just don’t understand how something so beautiful can end for such a silly reason. But I guess I’ve gotta accept it.

:frowning:

2

No disrespect meant, but, how old are you?

Honestly - everyone goes through something like this at some point in their life. Most of us have lost what we thought at the time was the love of our lives.

How can you ever get over it? Time. That’s it. That’s the only way.

Let it be. She’s obviously made a choice. You can’t force her hand, and trying to coerce her feelings will only lead to her resenting you, if she doesn’t already.

3

I lost the love of my life too. We’d been together for 3 years or so. We were so perfect, and I felt like I could be myself with him, and he understood me. And then our relationship began to come apart through distance, it seemed, even though I’d been looking for him all my life.

That was when I was in high school, going into college. I’m in my early 30s now. I got over losing that other guy, and am very happily married to the guy who became my best friend, and who still is. I remember that yes, it hurt back then, but I healed, I moved on, and I can’t imagine not being with my husband now.

I’m sorry for your loss, and understand how hurt you are, but I want you to understand that most people lose the one who they think is their true love they’ve been looking for all their (so short to that point) lives. It doesn’t mean it hurts any less, but it does mean that plenty of people manage to find someone wonderful after that kind of heartbreak. People in a relationship are typically on their “best behavior” at the beginning; it’s the work over time - the rest of the relationship past that “honeymoon” of falling in love where it’s about bills that need to be paid and optimistic plans failing and the drudgery of everyday life - that really determines how strong a love is, and can easily break relationships that aren’t prepared for that.

Your heart will heal, but you have to eventually allow yourself to let it heal. I wish you luck, and peace.

4

Ok, I read the older thread you posted about this, and now I’ve read this one.

Here you write:“I just don’t understand how something so beautiful can end for such a silly reason. But I guess I’ve gotta accept it.”

It didn’t end for a silly reason. It ended for the reason that most relationships end, that being that one partner no longer has the same feelings that he/she once had.

Accept it, take some time and move on. There will be better days, trust me. :slight_smile:

5

Thanks for the kind words Ferret Herder.

I am feeling a little better now. I think I may go to a friend’s house later and study in the early morning because I just don’t feel like it now.

I am only 22, but I have been in love a couple of times before, but this was something really special, and we both knew it. I hope nobody tries to make it sound like something I imagined myself. She still feels something for me, but she thinks about them in the past tense. I have to start doing that now. It doesn’t mean that there won’t be a future, but I have to be cool with that if it doesn’t work out. I think I am starting to be okay with that. You say that I’ll find someone else, and I know I will, but sometimes it just hurts really bad. Other times it isn’t so easy. I’m sure you know. As far as what I’m going to do about it? I am not so sure yet. I’ll probably just wait and see. But I can see putting myself in the situation where I would be happy being with someone else. But then you know, there are those times when you just don’t want to.

I was pushing her to come visit me at the beginning and she finally realized that she didn’t want to do that. That’s when she decided to put me in the past and since then she has gradually lost everything. She’s a very practical girl and I have so much respect for her. But it really sucks when she shows me just how practical she can be.
Well… did anyone look at the pic?

6

I used to miss my girlfriend.

Then I adjusted my sight.

:smiley: :stuck_out_tongue:

7

Yup yup. Cute girl.
:slight_smile:

You guys make a cute couple.

Now, I’m a guy, so from a strictly man-ly, man’s man, kind of way (and because you seem so sad), I’ll say that you ain’t so bad looking yourself. You probably wouldn’t find it too hard to get another girl.
:cool:

8

{{{Merkwurdigliebe}}}

It gets better, I promise.
(How the heck do you say your username???)

9

“Merk-wurd-ig(k)-lee-buh”.

“Strangelove. That’s not a kraut name. Where’d he get it?”

“He changed his name when he became a citizen.”

“What was it before?”

“Merkwurdigliebe.”

Gods, I love that film! :slight_smile:

10

light bulb turns on above head Ohhh!

That was a brilliant film, indeed. :smiley:

(Ever seen The Atomic Cafe? Now* that’s * a documentary…)

11

Have I seen The Atomic Café? I’ve been to The Atomic Café! :cool: Too bad it’s no longer there. But then, neither am I. :wink: Yeah, I saw it. I need to get a copy.

We now return you to Merkwurdigliebe’s Sturm und Drang. :smiley:

12

Thanks guys…

I really appreciate the kind thoughts.

Wow, someone calls me handsome and recognises my username in the same thread! I feel good about that.
No but it feels better now. I realize that she doesn’t necessarily consider me dead, but just doesn’t do long distance relationships. I had one once before, and it worked. Okay we broke up, but it had nothing to do with the time apart. I suppose I was stupid for wanting that. I don’t know why. She always told me that maybe we could be together in the future. I won’t ever forget her untill I find a really special girl again. That will probably take a long time, but it may not be over for us either. I’ll have to see what happens. I will forget, but then I will alwways have something in the back of my mind that reminds me of her every now and then. She is going to write me Friday, but I am sure I already know what she is going to say. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.
Thanks for the hugs… I really could use one now.

and thanks for the compliments.

13

Yup, you’re cute. :smiley:

Having dealt with long-distance during two different relationships, I can say that long-distance relationships absolutely suck. They’re painful things to deal with, and it’s hard to cope with that kind of separation. Some people can handle them, some people can’t, and for some it depends on the quality of the relationship in the first place. I have to say, I can’t entirely blame her for being leery of entering such a relationship, but it’s her loss for not wanting to, and I’m sorry you had to be hurt in the process.

14

You are very attractive - and so was she. I have been in a relationship like the one you describe, and it is heavenly - and difficult to let go when it ends. But letting go is the biggest favor you can do yourself right now. You are very wise to see that if anything happens between you two that it will be starting over from scratch, and guess what, the next time might not be like the last time. People grow and change, especially at your age. Even if you got her back, it would never be the same. It isn’t anything you have done, so don’t kick yourself for doing this or that. It would have turned out this way anyhow.

Many people never know that kind of love, so try to be glad to have had what you did. It will hurt less with time, and you will find someone else. Be strong, make your plans independent of her - even if you like Denmark, I think you are setting yourself up for disappointment if you go there. It is difficult to be the more emotional one in a relationship, I know. But the good thing about being an emotional person is that your strength will help you through this.

More hugs to you. Take care of yourself. :slight_smile:

15

I’m feeling better now. But the only problem for me is when I think, “Its okay, I can get another cute girl.” I run into the problem that I really like her personality too, and I had a lot of respect for her as well. But I’ll get over it. Besides if I were ever to be with her again it would have to be from the beginning anyway. I couldn’t be hanging on to old feelings.

I had an 8 month long distance relationship. We saw each other every 3 months or so. It wasn’t so bad. I was content knowing that I would be with her eventually and she was too. I wasn’t tempted by other girls here because I don’t like how they are all so snobby. Sure, there have to be some nice girls here, but searching them out wasn’t something that I wanted to do then anyway. I am not sure if its something that I want to do now either. We’ll have to see.

Okay I suppose I was fishing for compliments with the picture, but we really did make a cute couple. We had so many small and big things in common that it was so nice. Even when we walked back home at night with my arm around her shoulder, our feet would hit the ground at the same time. I’m taller than her but I have short legs…

Well… I’m feeling better now about it, but it has been a long month and a half of pain. I should have made this deciscion a long time ago. If we are ever to be together again it won’t be the way I was trying to make it happen.

16

Well,

I just got the email from her and its pretty much everything that I expected. That’s okay though, because I really knew it all along, but just thought that if I didn’t let go she would somehow realize that she needed to be with me. But she did say that she thought I was special and that she still cared about me. That makes me kind of sad and happy in a weird way, but its nice to hear. But I have put her behind me for now, like I should have done a long time ago. Thanks for the help, fellas, I know its not a crisis like most have here at the SDMB like someone dying or having a divorce, but it sucked for me.

But you know… Even if I can’t be with her I still like Denmark enough to go. If she weren’t there I am sure I’d still go. But since she’s going to be there people will think that I am just some loser for trying to get back with her, so I don’t know how that will work, but I guess only time will tell.

17

Aren’t you a cutie! And you two are cute together. I don’t blame you for fishing for compliments!

Anyway, I understand your situation. I’m in a vaguely similar one myself. In fact, my situation has been going on far too long, and it’s gotten to the point where I don’t know how to end it. My guy and I have been in a state of limbo for so long, and we’ve allowed ourselves to feel miserable for so long that it’s become a habit. I sense that this is what your girl (not your girl, but this girl) is trying to avoid. I don’t mean any offense when I say this, but you’re making it much harder for both of you. :frowning: It’s a sad, sad, sad thing to lose a love that you still have hope for, to feel like the life you wanted to live is gone and you won’t have that happiness again. But I’m convinced you will. There are plenty (plenty!) of cute girls out there with great personalities. (ahem) You should take some time to get over this, and eventually you’ll realize you’re interested in other people. But there will probably be lots of crappy people in the meantime. You just have to have patience. You’ve got time! Enjoy the time you have to yourself NOW.

Wish I could take my own advice. :smack:

18

I was thinking of sending her a couple of roses for her birthday later this month? Is this a bad idea? I don’t really expect to get any change of mind or anything, but I still want her to feel good about it and it would make me feel good too. I was thinking about sending this little three rose thing. Its nothing special and doesn’t appear very serious but I just wanted to give her something that let her know that I will still care about her. Maybe I’ll wait and see what she writes me back.

19

Hm, I don’t know Merk - it sounds to me like you’re dragging it out… and trying to justify it by saying things like:

“I don’t really expect to get any change of mind or anything, but…”

and

“Its nothing special and doesn’t appear very serious but…”

It’s hard, I know. She might appreciate you giving her a little time to breathe though. She might even realize that she misses all those little things! In the meantime though, you ought to let her clear her head so she can figure out what she really wants. If you keep clouding her mind with romantic gestures, she’s likely just to feel stressed out and/or annoyed.

20

I have to agree with LoganDear. At least for me, when I have decided to move on from a relationship for whatever reason, a romantic gesture like roses after fact, even with an exucse like a birthday and even if it is only three, would stress me out. I would take it that you hadn’t let go and I would feel tense in worrying that I was going to have to tell you once again to please move on as I had. (It isn’t easy to get rejected, but it isn’t easy to reject someone, either.) I am sure she still cares about you, so it would stress her out to know that you are still hurting, and sending roses says that as loud and clearly as anything else you might do.

Just send her a nice e-greeting card or something less romantic than roses, IMHO.