You contact me NOW?!

The BBQ Pit
1

For more than two years you’ve led me on an emotional rollercoaster that has left me completely drained. I’ve become so numb that I can barely experience life’s other emotions.

For more than two years I’ve dutifully and diligently catered to your ever increasing requirements for attention and affection, and I’ve made excuse after excuse for your corresponding increasingly poor treatment of me.

For more than two years I’ve accepted that the life you led before we met has far-reaching repercussions, and that we could not have a “normal” relationship. I’ve taken the highs and the lows, and I’ve even forgiven your lies and infidelities.

For more than two years I have given you every fucking thing I have to give. I’ve given you my best, and it was more than you deserved.

For more than two years I have struggled with the irrational limitations you placed upon me and us. I’ve wrestled continually with why I even give a shit about you when you can’t even be bothered to return a phone call or remember my birthday or keep a promise.

For more than two years I’ve experienced the deepest love and the hardest hurt because of your moods. Your whims. Your feeling of the moment. I’ve continually put you before myself, the whole while wondering why I couldn’t just accept that it was a dead cause and that I needed to move on.

For more than a year I’ve tried to distance myself from you, and you let me. Until I began to forget about you and start to feel good about myself, and back you come like an addiction. An email. A phone call. A letter in the mail. A note on my car in the morning. You’re so sorry. You know you’re messed up. You are trying to change.

For more than a year we’ve gone weeks without talking until you break the silence and my heart and will crumble like day old bread. You even found the time to have another boyfriend until he found out what a fucked up mess you’ve made of your life and your jealous ex-boyfriend and father of your children threatened to kill him.

For more than two months we haven’t spoken. I was beginning to feel good about myself again. I hadn’t thought of you in more than passing in more than a week. I’d actually asked another girl out, and shortly afterward began something that could be special with another. Things were looking up.

And tonight you email me asking me to help you with your homework like nothing’s happened. And I do.

You apologize for not contacting me sooner. You’ve been so busy. The phone works both ways, yeah.

You know it’s only ever taken a glance from you to make my me melt, and you know I’ve been trying to get away from you. And you contact me NOW?!

What, on this fucked up Earth, possesses you with such arrogance and insensitivity? Why can’t you just lie in the bed you’ve made, without me in it? Surely Joe or John or Tom or Dick or Harry or Bob or Phil or Larry or Bill would be happy to fill that momentarily empty spot next to you to be the warm body for the week. Surely one of your various courtiers also has a decent enough grasp of the English language to help you with your entry level homework. You’re 26 for christ’s sake, figure it out.

I pit you for being such a selfish bitch, and I pit myself for even responding. For letting something as simple as a single email affect me so drastically. Get OUT of my life and STAY out. With just a few words you’ve brought yourself front and center within my mind and I’m going to be fucked up and depressed for days. And you KNEW that.

And you have the audacity, the sheer nerve, to tell me that you love me.

You wouldn’t know what love was if I beat you with it. And I have.

2

Damn, I don’t know what to say… except fate is in your hands.

Best of luck, and if you figure it out send me the schematics.

3

My response will be less kind than neuroman’s.

You both sound like nutjobs. If this woman has such a large effect on your self-confidence, happiness, whatever, well, she just shouldn’t. I could take this point by point, but I don’t have the time and really ought to be back to homework. So, in a line: grow a fucking backbone and stop spending time with her. She obviously hasn’t made you a happy well adjusted person, and you either deserve better or need to figure out how you approach relationships so that you do deserve better.

Good luck.

4

We choose our happinesses in life…

But we choose our sadnesses too.

Think about that. Your decisions are nobody’s choices but yours. All of us, at any time, if we wish, can walk away.

5

Now, see, this is why I’ve forsaken romantic entanglements in favor of pet ownership.

Change the newspaper in the bottom of the cage every few days, make sure he has fresh food and water, let him have a few sips from my Coke, and in return Shamus provides me with an endless supply of unconditional love. Contrast this with my ex-boyfriend, who rewarded my turning myself inside out trying to make him happy with a constant stream screaming, swearing, name-calling and demands that I buy him things I couldn’t afford. Then wonder why I didn’t want to have sex.

Next time she calls, tell her you don’t want to talk to her, and never to call you again and hang up. Repeat as necessary. Buy a Senegal parrot.

6

That’s good enough to be a sig-line. Not my sig-line mind you, I’ve had ol’ LBJ since '99 and I’d be inconsolable to give him up, but that was brilliant.

7

I prefer this one as a sig line actually.

:smiley:

8

Just remember, you don’t have to say “Yes.” Treat her like an alcoholic treats drink. If she calls, be strong and do anything but say “Yes”. Enlist a few friends, hell, post here, if you have to. You can’t change her, but you can change your response to her. I know it sounds trite, but it’s true.

Next time, say “No” and keep saying “No” until she changes her ways or, more likely, finds someone else to use.

Good luck,
CJ

9

Believe me when I tell you that you have to get the hell out NOW.

There will always be something. She’ll always have a reason to call, a need she can use you to meet, SOMETHING.

You’re like a shirt she used to like to wear. She’d never DREAM of wearing it anyplace fancy any more, but sometimes it’s nice to put it on for the comfort. Do you care about the feelings of a shirt? No…

and she doesn’t care about you.

I was where you are. And the only reason I’m not right this minute is because I put her out of my life. Sometimes we meet women so beguiling that their presence intoxicates us and off we go doing stupid shit because “we’re in love.”

But I never claimed that the stupid shit I did on a three-day bender was noble, and that’s the best metaphor for being around women like that.

Get out. Block her e-mails, don’t pick up your phone.

You’ve got other propects that are working out, man. Why in the HELL would you torpedo that justfor the pleasure of being someone else’s monkey?

10

This bears repeating. You have to get on with your life, she is poison for you, cut off all contact.

11

Block her emails. Get an answering machine and use it to screen calls. When she leaves a message hit “Delete” the instant you hear her voice. Don’t pick up if you’re around the machine when she calls, leave the room and don’t listen. Rip up letters unopened and burn them so you’re not tempted to read the scraps.

And get counseling to figure out why you let her walk all over you and how to change yourself so you can stop wanting her to.

12

I pray I never reach the point where a woman has this kind of affect on me.

13

Keep a wooden mallet by the phone. Every time she calls and you find yourself tempted to say “yes” to her, smash yourself in the genitals with the mallet. It’ll remind you what being emotionally involved with a whackjob is like.

14

I couldn’t have said it better than threemae. At this point it’s your fault, not hers.

15

I had one of these once though not as severe as the OP.

I finally told her that my new form of communication with her would center around the idea that she never existed.

Then I went out and found a woman who didn’t need to pull that kind of shit to make herself feel good and I married her.

Sometimes you need to deal with a crazy before you can appreciate sanity.
The important thing is you need to realize when its time to put down that big ol cup of crazy that you seem to be drinking from.

16

You’re addicted, man. And the only way to quit loves like these is to quit. Don’t talk to her about how and why you quit, just quit. Block her e-mail, and don’t inform her that you did. That worked for me, when I was sort in your shoes. Unethical? Has SHE always treated YOU ethically?

17

The Google ads are giving advice now! Currently they are telling you to keep a positive attitude and to sign up for a 70-day makeover course.

Good for you for being angry, soulmurk. Good for you for realizing you’re being used and for trying to end the situation.

When I was young, I fell in love with someone who walked all over me. I was sooooo in love and soooo in denial, and it never occurred to me that my sense of self-worth was far more important than the intense bog of emotions I got from hanging on to the relationship. I wound up with a very damaged psyche and a lot of long-term emotional baggage.

Og only knows why we fall in love with these people. I suspect they are born with a quality that makes it easy for them to get people to love them, and they learn to use this quality to get whatever they want.

I pass to you my mantra, which is simply, “I deserve better.”

18

You can still feel good about yourself. In fact you can feel great about yourself. It’s incredibly self-empowering to completely blow off a problem ex-lover.

19

I just recently (well in the past 2 years, but it still feels fresh) went through something similar. And it didn’t take him contacting me for there to be pain anew daily. I could melt at the mere thought. :frowning:

Anyway, to make a too long story short and not to hijack your thread, I found that doing whatever it took was worth it to get that piece of shit out of my life. Giving ultimatims that he couldn’t fulfill. Changing my phone numbers to unlisted. Forfeiting any old emails that he knew of and adopting a user name on the boards I frequent that he’d be too stupid to figure out. All that and a constant reminder of how even being alone and with my heart breaking is better than having him and continuously dying slowly of hurt moment by moment. Yeah, this sucks, but I see it (I pray) as finite. And there will come a time when you can’t imagine putting up with someone so heinous, manipulative and selfish.

Therefore, good luck to you. Baby steps will increase to leaps and bounds. Time, and wisdom ( ! ), will be our friend. Eventually. :slight_smile:

20

I agree with all of this except the last part. Both of you should get back out there. Find out why you chose to saddle yourselves with such abusers, and look for happiness on your own terms. Really, things are so much better when you have the right person to share them with.