Rick Blaine: Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful bromance.
Darth Vader: I’m your daddy!
Luke: What? No!!!
Darth Vader: And Padme Amidala was my baby mama!
Luke: Who? No!!!
It was Christmas Eve and the apartment was quiet.
Mommy was mad (always is one her diet)
The kids weren’t asleep but they were in bed.
The new game for Xbox still danced in their heads.
Along with the dream of new helmet and bike.
Praying that Daddy would buy what they like.
Bedroom door was closed shut, but they heard Mommy fussin’.
“Directions in Chinese”, now Daddy was cussin’.
“These pieces won’t fit” they heard Daddy say.
“How do I place object D into A?”
Mommy admonished him, “honey cool down” flicked the station to
Santa is Coming To Town.
From down hall they heard quite a clatter.
Mommy looked through the peephole to see what was the matter.
I’m tired of trying to do this parody - I don’t remember the original. I’ll come back later.
Rhett: Fuck you, Skank, I don’t give a shit.
Scarlett: Whatever.
Hamlet, Act III scene I:
HAMLET: This blows. (Exeunt)
Scarlett: Tomorrow, when the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, is another day when my karma is better and the goddess will be more aligned with my biorhythms. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow. You’re always a day away.
Oh for fucks sake Brutus, I thought we were mates, you bastard
I finally cracked the window then, and with a ruckus he came in
Gynormous bird they used to think was very cool back in the day
He didn’t smile or shake my hand, he didn’t even stay on land
Just looked at me like, he’s the man, and flew above the door to stay
Flew up to a hunk of statue just above my door, to stay
And the birdie said, “No way.”
Black Friday
We few, we happy few, we gang of consumers;
For he today that swipes his card with me
Shall be a consumer; no longer lacking fancy gadgets,
This day will totally up his cred;
And dudes at home still in bed
Will think themselves crazy for not driving to Best Buy,
And wish for deals so cheap while any speaks
That bought with us upon this Black Friday.
Sorry Will.
I met this dude who’d just got back from Egypt, and he said he saw the remains of a big honkin’ statue out there - just the legs and the head, with a nasty-looking face too. Oh, and some writing: “Take a look at this and cry like a girl”, something like. But there’s nothing left but rubble and sand all the way to the horizon, so who’s crying now, huh?
Dude, Darcy, say something. I was, like, talking ‘bout the club, so now you talk about the size of the joint, or ‘bout the crowd, jus’ sayin’.
Times were OK, but also kinda sucked.
I love the smell of counter insurgency techniques in the morning. It smells like victory.
Tennis balls? What the fuck is this, do I look like Federer to you! Tell the Dauphin he best recognize fo’ i bust my foot off in his ass! I’ll go Dark Age on that mutha fucka, all the bitches in France best break out their mourning gear and start pouring colt forty-five’s on the ground but now. I’ll bring such a ruckus down on yo punk-ass kingdom niggas ain’t even born will regret this shit. No get the fuck out my grill 'fore I mess you up too!
-Henry 5 in the Hood
Discredited versions of this play show the lines:
Give me my robe, put on my crown; I have
Immortal longings in me.
Experts now believe Shakespeare meant to write:
Where’s my hat and coat?
I’m going to top myself with a snake.
Rick to Sam: “Pump out some phat beats”
Caesar to assorted bad chaps “You gonna cap my ass? Get it over dawgs!”
OMG!! I can haz liberty or I can haz deth! LULZ
My vision is of a fckng freezing holiday.
I’m dreaming of a White Xmas
Scrooge: Oh, bullshit!
Looking at digital watch, “Where the hell are you Romeo?”
I thought it was, “Why the hell are you Romeo?”
Anyway.
Hamlet’s Mother: Hammy, you seem still upset about your daddy’s death?
Hamlet: Well more than fucking “seems!”, Aunt-Mommy. More like is, bitch!
Hamlet’s Mother: Oh, no you din’t!