Okay, I have to ask… why? 
I’m guessing that is before he broke the color barrier in Major League Baseball, sending us down a not-very-colorful path to the future.
Dec. 8, 1980 - New York City: Crazed John Lennon fan, Mark David Chapman, commited suicide in front of Lennon’s luxury apartment building, The Dakota. Mr. Lennon, a founding member of the Beatles, nor his wife, Cynthia, were at home at the time. Lennon, staging a comeback, was at a local recording studio putting finishing touches on his first new album in five years.
Aug. 24, 1985: After their highly successful reunion at the Live Aid concert, The Beatles announced that they were going back to the studio to record a new album, their first since breaking up 15 years ago. A world tour is planned as well.
Jan. 1992: MTV announced today that Jimi Hendrix would indeed be taping an appearance on their popular Unplugged series.
1982: After the failure of his new album, Thriller, Michael Jackson has announced his retirement from the music business.
Among the revelations in Grace Kelly’s upcoming tell-all autobiography:
•“Everyone in Monaco was horrified when I went back to acting for Marnie, but continuing my career had been a condition of my marriage. Of course, Rainier and I did end up divorcing – but c’est la vie, non?”
• “Yes, I slept with Frank Sinatra, Stewart Granger, and Gary Cooper. But dear Jimmy Stewart was more fun than any of them, and Robert Mitchum was a treat.”
• “Technically, I didn’t sleep with him, but Alfred Hitchcock was a dirtier old man even than people believe. Very, very impish.”
• “Thank god I made the transition to television when I did. Actresses in their 40s complain now about the lack of roles – the '70s were worse!”
• “I hate driving. I get chauffered everywhere I go.”
TV Headlines:
Seinfeld cast change: Jason Alexander to be replaced.
“He just isn’t working out,” say producers.
Star Trek: The Next Generation abruptly cancelled after the death of its creator, Gene Roddenberry.
Says co-producer, Rick Berman: “I feel this is the best way to honor Gene’s legacy. I just don’t feel I have what it takes to continue the series.”
**August 28, 1990 ** The world mourns the tragic passing of guitar legend Eric Clapton in a helicopter crash after his concert at Alpine Valley. Fellow guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughn announces plans for a memorial concert for his dear friend.
1984: In a shocking revelation, George Lucas has announced his retirement after the staggering success of Return of the Jedi, claiming that the Star Wars trilogy is enough for a life’s work. He will continue to be the brains behind Industrial Light and Magic, but he will not write or direct any more films.
When asked, if future technology would allow him to re-edit his classic films, would he do it, Mr. Lucas replied, “No, never. That would be blasphemy. I’d hope my fans would have me drawn and quartered if I ever had such a lapse of sense and judgement.”
1977 – New Lynyrd Skynyrd guitarist Steve Gaines reveals a crippling fear of flying to his bandmates, scrapping their plans to start touring via chartered aircraft. “I can’t believe we’re going to be stuck on the goddamn bus again,” groused bassist Leon Wilkeson.
Critical hostility and public indifference towards obscure 1970’s SF film Star Wars {largely unseen, though a cult favourite among a small core of diehard fans} marks the first and so far the only foray of a major studio into big-budget SF films: its fledgling director George Lucas, depressed and unable to find work after the failure of his pet project, succumbs to alcoholism and tranquiliser abuse, and is found dead of an overdose in a cheap LA motel in 1983.
This film, although innovative for the time in its use of special effects, suffers badly from a hackneyed plot and stilted dialogue, and is probably only really notable for an early appearance by multiple Oscar-winning actor Mark Hamill {most famous, of course, for his mesmerising performances in smash hits Heaven’s Gate and Ishtar} as the hero “Luke Skywalker”, and the final screen appearance of once acclaimed actor Alec Guinness, who announced his retirement from acting after the film’s failure.
I was all raring to write this fakey article about a bold move in the early 1970’s/80’s to bring subtitled anime Stateside to tap into the young adult market, but I can’t remember anything that was made at the time that really would have done that well, even without the “toons are for kids/anime is porn” stigma.
Insert obligatory joke about Japanese cartoons here.
From Liz Smith’s column, February 28, 2012
“The hottest ticket on Broadway is still Michael Jackson’s hilarious, all nude production of Oliver! You would think Fagan was a fagula! Ha! Mike’s wife, Katie Holmes, has gone to every performance. Cher has announced her next tour will be her last and Streisand has agreed to be the opening act. The tour begins at the President Hillary Clinton Amphitheater in Little Rock. And can you believe it - it is only five years ago today that Elvis really did come out of hiding. His new album of country and western hip-hop rap was top of the charts last week. And New Yorkers were shocked to hear Katie Couric and Matt Lauer listed Al Roker as the love interest that broke up their marriage. No word yet on whose love interest he was.”
In Memoriam…
The Class of 1957 at St. Nelson of Algren High School dedicates this yearbook to the fond memory of one of our own.
Cecil “Turkey” Adams touched the lives of every boy at St. Nelson with his incisive wit, tireless scientific inquiry, and encyclopedic storehouse of knowledge.
Sadly, it was just that unquenchable spirit of curiosity that took Cecil from us early in our senior year. Those who knew Cecil will surely never think of weather balloons and a lawn chair in quite the same way again.
The Class of '57 extends their deep gratitude to Braniff Airlines for their endowment of the Cecil “Turkey” Adams Scholarship Fund.
Requiescat in pace.
July 29,2005 A newly restored and remastered print of the long-lost classic film 1917 version of CLEOPATRA was shown to an enthusiastic audience at the SDMB theater. The long lost film starring legendary actress THEDA BARA had been thought to be non existent, but it and hundreds of other silent films were discovered earlier this year in an attic in update New York. Many of the films found were believed forever gone but are now being restored for release.
Clepatra will be released on DVD later this year with commentary by SDMB film expert EVE.
In a related story the BBC announced today they have recovered every episode of DOCTOR WHO and will be releasing them.
Tupelo, Missississi newsletter–Vernon & Gladys Presley are delighted with the birth of twin boys Elvis Aron and Jesse Garon on January 8th. Mrs. Presley admits that caring for twin newborns is “very hard,” but she is delighted with her new family. Her biggest complaint? “It’s the noise” laughs the new mother. “These boys each have quite a set of lungs. I can see their futures as opera singers.” Good luck to all four members of the family.
Tokyopop’s proposed edits for Intial D met with general indifference
“Yeah, they’re going to make up a bunch of nicknames and throw in some, ah, ‘Westernized’ references. Like, big whoop,” commented one longtime manga reader. “Hasn’t Viz been doing like for, what, 20 years now?”
A big racing fan made the following observation: “Look, it’s about mountain racing in Japan. Has anyone even attempted to bring over something like this before? Well, guess what, when you bring something unusual, you gotta market it. 'Cause otherwise it won’t sell. C’mon, anyone who knows anything about the American manga industry could’ve told you this.”
Reaction to the “tricked out” content on the anime DVDs received a similarly unconcerned response. “I saw it,” said a lucky fan who was able to see a pre-screening. “It’s a bunch of screen transitions and different music. It’s nothing. And if you don’t like it, you can always, oh, choose the original presentation. And don’t anyone give me that rap-is-evil BS, either. What decade is this?”
Absolutely nobody on the planet gives a damn about the Paris Hilton video
Some socialite or whatever named Paris Hilton released a steamy video online. To no one’s surprise, it’s failed to generate any interest whatsoever.
“Like, welcome to ten years ago!” fumed someone who was really tired of hearing about it. “And since when does doing something, like, oh, about a couple freaking billion other women have done count as news, anyway?”
Anna Kournikova vows to get back in shape and work on her tennis game
“Yeah, yeah, don’t eat, sleep, and breathe sports, not my fault all those online horndogs can’t get enough of me, blah blah blah. Listen, I’ve been on this tour for over three years, and in that time I’ve won absolutely jack squat and spent more time on the shelf than the quarterback for the Houston Texans,” the onetime tennis phenom commented yesterday. “There’s no excuse for anyone getting paid as much as me underachieving this badly. So I’m starting over. I’m going to spend however many weeks or months it takes to get in shape and not tear a muscle every time I rach for a damn volley, and I’m also going to spend far more time practicing to avoid embarrassments like that last U.S. Open. I know it’s going to be hard, and I already have more money than that entity my country wouldn’t let me talk about…but dammit, I’m not leaving this game a loser!”
Radio stations unilaterally agree to never play I Will Always Love You again
“Seriously, why the [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored] does anyone play that irritating piece of crap anymore??” lamented a local radio DJ. “Oh, it fills the ‘soul’ quota, it’s from a popular movie, it’s a famous singer…guess what, folks, NOBODY CARES! It’s a screechy piece of dreck from some overrated belter that’s been played to freaking death! Give it a rest!” Other songs currently under consideration include My Heart Will Go On, Babe, and pretty much every single thing Mariah Carey ever did.
Anna Nicole Smith- man, she was beautiful in that Naked Gun movie. It’s a pity that *she never did another thing in front of the camera. EVER. Just went into total retirement like Farrah Fawcett did in the late 80s and Brando did after *Superman.
Jan. 1, 1998 - Director James Cameron commits suicide after dismal showing for his $200 million dollar epic, Titanic. A note left at the scene apologizes to the studio for causing it to go into banckruptcy. The movie, a retelling of that fateful night in 1912, was grossly over-budget and poorly written. After a first weekend take of only $100,000, the movie was quickly pulled and re-edited down to a less-sleep inducing 1hr and 45 minutes. Unfortunately, this did not help as the re-edited movie drew only $150. All prints of the movie will be destroyed says the studio.
Its male star, Leonardo DeCaprio announced his departure from motion pictures. “What the hell was I thinking,” he said at a press conference.
The movie also caused famed reviewer Roger Ebert to retire as well. “I have lost all faith in Hollywood to make a decent movie ever again. I haven’t seen a travesty like this since Porky’s 3.”
A gay vampire? 
Critically-acclaimed musical “Wrinkes” has begun a guaranteed long run on Broadway. Starring former First Lady Marilyn Monroe Kennedy Onassis, in her first role since her marriage to then-Senator Kennedy. Also in the cast are veteran actresses Grace Kelly, Jayne Mansfield and Judy Garland. The four have been close friends since they first met back in the Dewey administration.
The wonderfully-gay male lead is played by an obscure actor named Ronald Reagan, who had been blacklisted in the '50s due to his prominent membership in the Communist Party.
– Fred Phelps, Theatre Critic