circa 2025: Musician/songwriter Elliott Smith has announced his retirement from the music business after a brilliant career that included 25 albums and countless spectacular live shows.
Actor/Director Kevin Costner has reached new heights with his epic “Waterworld,” which has just earned a record 12 Oscars. We only hope that no future director tries to make a movie involving a lot of water. It would obviously be a ripoff and a failure.
And of course, who can forget how Adm Heinlein pushed heavily for space exploration in the post war era? And how he was key in thawing relationships with the Soviets by inviting them to join the first missions to Mars, provided they make half the nuclear bombs needed for the trip. Without Adm Heinlein’s influence, we would still likely be stuck in low Earth orbit, even now.
And can some tell me the name of the Sci-Fi story with this premise? I can’t remember right now. :smack:
Cant remember the title but Larry Niven was the author
The Return of William Proxmire. Available in N-Space.
MC Hammer plans to keep doing what he’s doing
“What the hell was I thinking?” asked the rap superstar regarding his recent publically expressed desire to break into the “gangsta” subgenre. “I build an incredible career out of clean, family-friendly rap, I’m making truckloads of cash, and I want to trash all of it for a style I have absolutely zippo chance of having any success with? Screw that!” He also reiterated his lifelong desire to popularize rap in mainstream America and dismantle all the narrow-minded stereotypes that have built up around it.
Beavis and Butthead remembered as an overrated concept that benefitted from incredibly lucky timing
One longtime MTV viewer echoed the sentiments of many when he commented, “Yeah, it had some cool ideas, but how much damn mileage can you get out of ‘huh-huh, huh-huh’ and ‘shut up, buttmunch’, anyway? Listen, it came along at a time when we weren’t at war with fifteen countries and gas prices weren’t going through the roof and some of us actually had jobs and the biggest crisis gripping the nation was some moron intern giving some moron president a blowjob. A lot of us could’ve used a little shock value, and Beavis and Butthead delivered it. It wasn’t that great an idea, okay?” He also went on record as to saying that The Ren and Stimpy Show was an acquired taste which he hoped he’d never acquire.
Irate golf fans up in arms over Tiger Woods’ endless 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th place finishes
“I can’t take it anymore!” screamed a former fan. “He talks big and then comes up short again and again and again! He finished behind Vijay frickin’ Singh in the British Open! I meah, hell-o, 2004 was last year!”
“He’s the biggest joke in golf,” lamented another. “Everyone paints him as this invincible juggernaut, and about 90% of the time he finishes in a spot below first. I tell you, it’s getting pretty damn old. And the worst part is, we hardly hear any of it from the commentators. It’s always ‘consistency’ and ‘money list’ and all that other irrelevant crap.”
One of the bright spots from Tiger’s dwindling popularity is that it’s prompted a serious reassessment of the “second place is the first loser” mentality that’s pervaded sports for decades. “If that’s the American mentality, than Americans are idiots,” replied a commentator. “Rest assured that we will invoke Tiger’s remarkable record of consistency whenever possible. Hopefully, in time, he will eliminate this reprehensible ideology once and for all.”
Sony to delay launch of the PS2 until they can actually produce enough systems to meet demand
“How the hell do you hype, hype, hype this amazing new system and don’t even make it available to about 99.9% of the customers who want one?” asked an exasperated Sony representative. “That’s gotta be the most ridiculous, brain-dead idea I’ve heard of in my life.”
“Look, guys, we have NOTHING,” snapped a production manager. “All the games except for about 20 cookie-cutter sports titles are still in development, we have enough systems for about half a small town, maybe two-thirds, and we’ve barely started negotiating with the peripheral manufacturers. It’s going to be at least a year before we have anything resembling a decent launch, so you’d all better just learn to be a little patient, all right?”
From the Rugby public school’s newspaper (circa 1823)
As all the masters and pupils familiar with the 6th form know all too well, William Webb Ellis fancies himself something of a humourist. In the middle of an otherwise lack-lustre intramural football match between his house and their ancient rivals in Fotheringay, he scooped up the ball and began to run with it towards his opponent’s goal. The Sports master whistled him down and then in front of both sides and the spectators, began to lecture young Mr. Ellis on the rules of both football and good sportsmanship. He then restricted the offender to the school’s grounds for the rest of the term and, as his Greek teacher, assigned him 500 lines of Homer that had to be ready for the next session of class. We feel it will quite a long while before Mr. Ellis again decides to alter the laws of our national game for his own amusement.
Universal didn’t throw out its silent films in the late 1940’s, the Fox vault in Perth Amboy did not explode in 1937, and nothing happened to MGM’s Vault 7 in 1967. As a result, thousands of silent films still exist.
For that matter, the major TV networks have never had a major tape wiping, so all their programming after around 1965 or so is still around.
Yes.
Minneapolis, MN February 13, 2000
Reverend Charles Monroe Schulz passed away this morning from cancer. He is survived by his wife, Donna and their three children.
Rev. Schulz’s passing was a great blow to the hundreds of members of his congregation. “He always used to draw little cartoons on the blackboard during Bible study, to illustrate the parables,” said parishioner Elmer Hagemeyer. “We used to tell him he could probably make a living as an illustrator, but he said he felt the Lord had sent him where he was needed most.”
Sept. 1, 1999: The Sci-Fi Channel announced today that they have renewed Mystery Science Theater 3000 for an unprecedented 10 years. The first victim of Mike and his robotic friends, Tom Servo and Crow, will be the James Cameron’s epic, Titanic followed by Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. In fact, all the “experiments” this season will be big-budget Hollywood blockbusters.
“The budget for Titanic alone is equal to the budgets of 2-3 seasons of the z-grade movies we’re used to doing,” says Mike Nelson, head writer and host. “We’re going to make a LOT of enemies this year,” he quiped.