On a whim, well, speculation really, I picked up the new Samuel L. Jackson vehicle, “Snakes on a Plane” , amazingly enough, the movie was exactly what was promised in the title, it was about a bunch of Snakes, on a commercial aircraft, amazing, actual honesty in advertising! , now?!? , whoda’ thunk it
(the real reason I picked up SoaP was because i was speculating that at some point there will be a Rifftrax for it…)
So, I got to thinking, "what if other movies followed the SoaP formula, and were titled HONESTLY , it’d sure make for interesting titles
For example;
“WORMS in your BRAIN” (Slither and Night of the Creeps)
so, how would you retitle films to make them more “honest”?
Cinderella (The Girl with the Glass Shoes)
Eastwood Shoots People Volumes 1-infinity .
John Wayne Kicks Ass, Volumes 1-infinity
Frat Life (with Tits) –for Animal House
Note: I fully enjoy Eastwood and John Wayne movies…but the suggested title is ample for my purposes.
The Stupidest Movie Since The Village : The Lady in the Water
The Stupidest Movie Since Signs: The Village
*The Stupidest Movie Since Lady in the Water * : The Black Dahlia
“Big, Dumb Guy with a KNIFE!”; the Friday the 13’th series
“Wisecracking psycho with a hand full of knives”; the Nightmare On Elm Street series
“An Inconvenient Truth, but with more expensive CGI”; The Day After Tomorrow
“The Day After Tomorrow, but with more wooden acting”; An Inconvenient Truth
“A Holodeck Episode stretched out to 2 hours, but without a coherent plot or storyline”; Star Trek - Insurrection
MacTech
January 12, 2007, 4:53am
10
Really, i thought it was called “The Bus that Couldn’t Slow Down”
Stunt Tits aka Blue Lagoon
Meeko
January 12, 2007, 7:34am
12
“Taking your money, for a plot that went nowhere” :: “Taking lives”
“Not in the least connected to the plot land” :: “Freedomland”
“Satisfaction Zero” :: “Suspect Zero”
Amazingly Bad Spandex/Tight Leather Wearing Blind Superhero Movie –Daredevil
Lizard
January 12, 2007, 8:33am
14
“An issue of MAXIM stretched to 90 minutes” - Coyote Ugly
“Unbelievably, It’s Dumber Than the TV Show, And No One Cares” - Charlie’s Angels: The Movie.
“Jack and Enis Get Laid” - Brokeback Mountain
“Swarzenegger Gets $50,000 per Word” - Pretty much any Sarzenegger film, excluding “Kindergarten Cop” and “Twins.”
“Brand Routh ≠ Christopher Reeve” - Superman Returns
Sampiro
January 12, 2007, 8:46am
15
UPPER CLASS WHINERS IN JAPAN (formerly LOST IN TRANSLATION)
ABANDONED BUILDINGS FULL OF WHINING ENTITLED SUBURB KIDS AND PRETTY HEROIN ADDICTS (shortened to RENT for the play/movie)
DICAPRIO: NAKED & HUMPING A GUY (formerly TOTAL ECLIPSE)
KEVIN SPACEY: BALD AND WASTED (yet another title the new Superman)
DEAD POETS SOCIETY II, III, IV, etc. to SCHOOL TIES, THE EMPEROR’S CLUB, MONA LISA SMILE, the O’Donnell scenes of SCENT OF A WOMAN, etc.
CIDER HOUSE RULES: THE EXPURGATED VERSION [the one without the decades and decades of far more interesting backstory] for the Caine/Maguire CHR
Sapo
January 12, 2007, 2:51pm
16
Bruce Willys saves the World (parts 1-infinity)
Mel Gibson destroys the world (parts 1-infinity)
Mel Gibson films peope destroy each other in foreign languages (parts 1-3)
Jar-Jar Binks destroys Star Wars
No, actually, they will need a bigger boat - Jaws
Dumbass soluble aliens - Signs
Liberal
January 12, 2007, 3:05pm
18
Such a Horrible Year for Filmmaking that it Won Best Picture - Ordinary People
tdn
January 12, 2007, 3:24pm
19
A Series of Unbelieveably Trite and Synchronous Events (formerly Crash)
The Never Ending (and Constantly Annoying) Story (formery Artificial Intelligence)
Annoying Teens Dying (formerly Urban Legend)
Occasional Tits (formerly Bolero)
Imaginary Laws (formerly Double Jeopardy)
slortar
January 12, 2007, 4:00pm
20
Lots Of Mumbling By Somebody Who Looks Like The Burger King But Is Considerably Lamer But More Pretentious - V For Vendetta
UltraBoring - Ultraviolet
