This is one my daughter came up with.
What kind of horns does an ant have?
Antlers.
Two sausages in a frying pan. One of them says “Hey, it’s getting hot in here.” The other one says “AHHH! Talking sausage!”
Q: If you’re an American when you walk into the bathroom, and you’re an American when you walk out of the bathroom, what are you while you are in the bathroom?
A: European.
It’s interrupting cow.
I went for a job cleaning up litter. I asked how to do it and they said “You’ll pick it up as you go along.”
Two goldfish in a tank. One of them says “How do you drive this?”
Two parrots on a perch. One of them says “Can you smell fish?”
This is my new favorite joke!!!
Previously it was the INTERUPTING cow knock knock joke.
Well, for corny you can’t beat Doodles Weaver off of the old Spike Jones albums.
Did you hear about the goat who married an owl?
They had a hootenanny!
For a few less ahem pedigreed jokes:
Q: What did Bozo the Clown say when he saw a pile of poop in front of that red-headed marionette?
A: “How’d he doody?”
Q: What’s a chicken’s favorite vegetable?
A: Bwokoli
Q: Why should you make sure to never carry you iPod in the same bag as lemons?
A: To keep the notes from going sour.
Link #2, post #21. There’s another one but the words don’t seem to be online anywhere.
At a bus station…
I’d like one ticket to Albany please…but can you tell me ,do you go by Buffalo?
No,we go by bus.
I tried the interrupting starfish joke on my 13-yr. old son, and he licked my hand. k
Courtesy of Whatsit Jr.:
What’s a tuba plus a tuba?
A four-ba
One of my favorites, but it requires a captive (like a knock-knock joke) and an odd outlook on life.
You: Wanna hear a joke?
Victim: Ok, sure.
You: Ok, ask me if I’m a truck.
(It may be necessary to encourage them here with a confidence that promises great rewards. “Go ahead, ask me if I’m a truck.” )
Victim: Ok… Are you a truck?
You: :dubious: No. (You MUST deadpan this and stare them STRAIGHT in the eye or it won’t work.)
Then one of two things happens:
- Victim: crumbles in the face of your deadpan delivery and giggles
- Victim: Weirdo.
Sometimes, someone will giggle with me at the absurdity, and then I know I’ve made a friend.
It’s funny in person, really.
How do you catch a squirrel up in a tree?
Climb the tree and act like a nut.
(may be too dumb for third-graders, but works great on five-year olds)
“There were three camels; one called Pardon-Pardon-Pardon, one called Pardon-Pardon, and one called Pardon. Pardon-Pardon-Pardon and Pardon-Pardon died, so who was left?”
“Pardon.”
“There were three camels…”
Here’s one I made up the other day:
What did the reporter say at the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade when the dugong balloon crashed in flames?
.
.
.
“Oh the huge manatee!!”
When I told this to my family, the wife gave me a big :dubious:, but my two daughters (K and 2nd grade) laughed like maniacs. Why? Never mind that it makes light of one of the worst aviation disasters ever, and that most kids wouldn’t even know the Hindenberg reference to begin with. They laugh because the words “dugong” and “manatee” are frickin’ hilarious.
How do you keep a werewolf from going crazy on Halloween night?
Shoot him in September.
Why do white sheep eat more grass than black sheep?
Because there are more white sheep.
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
To hide in strawberry patches.
You say you never saw an elephant in a strawberry patch? That proves it works.
What’s gray and has big ears and a trunk?
A mouse going on vacation.
I love this one, but it might not be appropriate for 3rd graders.
What’s gray and comes in quarts?
An elephant.
Oh, you’ve got a straight man!
Well, how about this:
What’s the difference between an elephant and a quart of milk?
Uh, I don’t know.
Well, if you don’t know, I’m certainly not going to send you to the store for a quart of milk!
Knock knock?
Who is there?
I’m a pile up.
I’m a pile up who?
Awwww, don’t be so hard on yourself.
(sounds like I’m a pile of poo)
knock, knock
who’s there
Ether
Ether, who?
Ether bunny.
knock, knock
who’s there
Cargo
Cargo, who?
Car go ‘beep beep,’ run over Ether bunny.