Ring, Ring. Casting Central is Calling. How Good an Actor Would you Be?

Let’s say Uncle Steven Spielberg is casting for a major motion picture. He needs plenty of star power, but wants to give you a shot. How well do you think you’d do in a big dramatic role? A comedy?

[I ask because I’m not really wowed by today’s crop of actors. To my untrained eye, many succeed not because of talent, but because their real-life persona syncs with their character’s personality on the screen. The exceptional actors are able to bridge the gap. The terrible ones do nothing, except provide two hours of eye candy.]

Back to the OP: The phone rings. Uncle Steve makes his $2 million offer. Do you think you could pull it off and make Roger Ebert’s thumb point skyward?

Hard to say.

On one hand, I don’t think I’m very convincing, though the last time I did any “serious” acting was in high school, not counting the improv class I did in college (or, ahem, LARPing. But in my defense it wasn’t the boffer-swords LARP. It was lamer, since you couldn’t even hit anyone. ;))

On the other hand, in the little bit of high school acting I did I got school awards, and in the community theater I was a part of I got rave reviews playing Agnes in Agnes of God – including one incredibly sweet old Broadway actress who’d retired to that little resort town. She doted on me immensely and wrote me a letter of recommendation so glowing I still use it as a nightlight. I never did use it as a letter of recommendation, though.

Still, I’m probably better than a lot of people I see in movies, at least because I can suspend my disbelief enough to pretend I’m attracted to Brad Pitt, frightened of a rather ordinary man wrapped in green Spandex, and capable of raining hellfire down on those who vex me.

The latter of these I practice on a regular basis. :stuck_out_tongue:

Heck, yeah! Especially in a comedy. I’ve got a great sense of


(that joke works better in person)

Seriously, I studied theatre arts in high school and college (have I mentioned lately that **John Turturro ** was my classmate?) The only thing keeping me from it as a career was my fear of rejection. But if Big Steve wants to hand me a couple mil, who am I to turn it down. Plus at 40-something, I’m the perfect age for some great character roles.
So, what is he going to bring to the screen, a remake of **Hello, Dolly ** maybe? (crossing fingers) :smiley:

I’m not sure that I could pull it off. It isn’t that I am untalented, but, rather, that I am of the sort that can play one type of character rather well, but would be somewhat out of place as any other character.

Probably a comic sidekick role. I’d have to work on my acting style, but I think I could handle it and not embarass myself.

I’ll be the first to say it: I’d suck. Keanu Reeves could act better than me. I can’t even do small-time roleplaying. I can’t help feeling silly if I’m not being myself.


Well, since Rosie O’Donnell hasn’t taken on a Fat Sarcastic Chick role lately, it seems I might have a niche…

Seriously, I was The Star in high school and college and community theater. But that says NOTHING for how a person might be on film. It’s a completely different medium. Those wonderful stage moments that get you rave reviews are just too big for a camera 6 inches from your nose. I don’t know whether or not I could bring it back in and be small enough for film. I’d like to think I could, but I have no idea.

But I think the thing that would work against me the most at the moment is my body. Not a lot of roles out there for youngish (31) fat women.

Yep. All ready. Cast me, baby!

And if you don’t believe me… I got a positive review in our very own Chicago Reader for some Shakespeare I did years ago! The show itself got panned, but the reviewer went out of his way to mention three actors that he missed when they were not on stage, remarking that we had great chemistry and great ability.

I wish I had kept the review.

I’ve done a lot of improv acting over the years (yes, including LARPing–playing a LARP NPC well is more challenging than you might think). I think I could do at least a respectable job in some roles. I would never make an acceptable “leading man” by Hollywood standards, of course–I don’t have the body or face for it. I’d never be James Bond, but I could be Q. I’d probably do better in comic roles, for the most part.

Voice acting is another story. I’ve given thought to pursuing it seriously. I’ve got decent vocal range, good control, and I’m a natural mimic. Once I establish a “voice”, I can do it consistently. Also, I can make animal noises without getting too self-conscious. :wink:

I love love love acting, but I’m terrible. I really am. :frowning:

I’ll knock up a script for you guys instead, how’s that?

My future isn’t on the big screen, it’s on the big speakers of the big screen. I’m a few years away from the perfect movie voice over guy voice. I just need to start smoking to put the edge on the voice ;). In all seriousness, this is what I would love to do.

I’m doing a number of recordings for DragonConTV this year, so if you go to DragonCon and hear a voice over that has that cinematic quality, it’s likely me. Except when, you know, it isn’t me.

I auditioned for a part once in high school. I was so bad, I was too embarrassed to go back and see who got what parts (although I did go see the production.) I can’t act. I know I can’t act.

Just let me mingle in a crowd scene for a coupla thousand, and I’ll be happy. :smiley:

Remeber Sofia Coppola in Godfather III? She would look downright talented next to me!

I dunno. I suspect it’s all harder than it looks. I can read with expression and I can react, and I can learn lines–I’m halfway there.

I think I could do it, IF it were a character that I could relate to. I couldn’t play a prostitute (I would be better, sadly, as a nun), or a woman who kills her kids–but IMO, I could play anyone that Meg Ryan has played (or someone like that).

(I don’t say I would be as good as Ryan–but I could play her type of roles)

I honestly think I would suck at that more than just about all the other things I’m not good at rolled into one. Every once in a while when I’m watching a tv show or movie and I don’t like the way someone says something and I try to come up with a better way. I’ll sit there and try a few ways and they all sound much stupider than the way I was just making fun of. So I don’t even make fun of bad actors anymore. I think even Keanu Reeves has more of a talent for it than I do.