I will give you some unrelated examples of making decisions to feel better or not be angry.
After divorce, jealousy over now boyfriend was eating me up. Solution, I made a decision not to allow that.
New boss was making my life hell, I couldn’t even sleep at night. Solution, a simple decision to just try harder and accept whatever outcome happened,
I could go on and on, our sanity is based a lot on out ability to make decisons on our behaviour and how we respond to things.
Then we disagree. I think they did, and I was pretty clear about my reasoning in my prior post(s).
Why in the world would I want to take this to the Pit?
HoneyBadgerDC, again, that’s nice and I’m glad it worked out for you, but “Just decide not to have the problem” is not a suggestion that will work for most people who are experiencing a problem.
This problem went away for me for years and has come back in the last few. The difference - I no longer drive my kids around and they are no longer young enough that I feel I need to surpress the desire to call people assholes in their presence.
What I’ve been trying for the last couple weeks is to pretend that my best friends adorable 5 and 9yr old are in the car with me.
I drive a little safer, I swear a LOT less and oddly it reduces stress to remind myself that my job it to get me and my cargo to our destination safely not to train the morons around me how to drive.
OP: Do you listen to podcasts? I regularly listen to Radiolab, Freakonomics, TED talks, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, This American Life, Bill Maher and or course CarTalk. Most of them are from NPR but there are lots of choices besides these. I find that listening to something humeoous really takes the edge off of a bad mood.
I’ve also taken to listening to audio books while walking the dog. the dog is getting more excercise than ever before.
Audio books, audio books, audio books. Works for me, sometimes, unless some idiot gets in front of me and … Grrr. I drive the DC beltway and we have a generous dose of interesting drivers.
My wife took a driver training course, one of those courses that they make you take to avoid a ticket, and afterward I saw a real difference in the way she acted behind the wheel. I don’t know what went on there and she says she hasn’t changed but then she, like everyone, didn’t believe she has road-rage in the first place.
If Olive has neverending road rage, then I suggest that she’s not “experiencing” the problem, she is the problem. The roads are crowded out there, we need to stay calm and help one another out.
I was going to suggest NPR to put you in a mellow mood, but apparently that doesn’t work for you. 
If shortening your commute isn’t readily possible (different house, different job), I would second the “leave earlier” suggestion. You don’t need to be stressing about being late on top of the crappy road conditions. Also, is it possible for you to go in earlier and leave earlier to miss the worst of the traffic? Like get to work at 7:00 and leave at 4:30?
HoneyBadger don’t give a shit. 
So, I was all set to try out some of this cognitive restructuring and arrive at work less stressed than usual. I blew a tire on the way to work and was too far to get home on the spare, so I ended up driving around Philly looking for a tire store. Good times.
Some points for clarification:
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I am not in a hurry. I always leave early. I arrive early to work and leave early so I can beat the traffic. I don’t feel the need to drive fast. The stress is from constantly having to adjust to what other cars are doing. I don’t have cruise control, I’m surrounded by semi trucks and cars of all speeds and if you’ve ever driven on a crowded freeway you know that you can never just go one rate of speed. Add in the constant construction and the horrible roads and the city traffic it just creates a constant stream of anxiety provoking moments. I have never, I repeat *never * allowed my frustration to affect the safety of my driving or my conduct on the road. If anything I am too cautious (I also get caught up a lot in what people are doing behind me… I’m working on that.)
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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me for being stressed out. I think stress is a very normal reaction to the kind of commute I have. As a regular meditator, I have to say I think I’m probably more accepting than the average person about frustrating circumstances in general. The stress is having a negative impact on my mood, though, so I’d like to do something about it.
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The more I think about it, the more I think the ‘‘fight or flight’’ response mentioned upthread is the key. My anxiety creates the fight or flight response, and since I can’t flee, I feel more aggression. So in order to work on my aggression, I need to work on my anxiety. For now I’m just trying to be really aware of when it arises.
I tried the ‘‘two second rule’’ and it helped. I don’t have to guess anymore. I just tried to focus on keeping a safe distance as my primary goal. And it really did seem to help.
Laughing is a good idea. Today on my two hour commute home, in standstill traffic on the Turnpike, I forced myself to smile. Then I started laughing, I couldn’t help myself. I wasn’t laughing for any damned reason but it seemed to help.
I listened to country music instead of rock, and it seemed to be going better. But I noticed the stress relief was highest when I was singing along. I’m going to start listening to MP3s. It’s going to take some coordination with my GPS (I have an amazing app that routes me around the worst of the traffic) but I will figure it out. For Valentine’s Day my husband gave me a CD of the Banana Slug String Band, so I’ll have to check that out.
Really this thread is just full of very helpful advice. It has exceeded my expectations in the helpfulness category, so thank you all.
I think they call it the Mozart Effect.
That’s very true. What’s that saying - life is 10% what happens to us and 90% what we make of it?
Sounds less like road rage and more like road anxiety. The podcasts/audiobook will help divert your attention and hopefully less vigilant of the chaos around you.
I am surprised you haven’t taken a defensive driving course. Take one. The Smith one is a good one, but, really, they are all basically the same. Personally, I think it should be a requirement to get a driver license.
Once you are comfortable with the 2 second rule, try thinking “leave yourself an out”, that is, while you are driving, plan on what you would do if the wheel fell off the car ahead of you, or the car beside you. Have a plan of action in your head if something like this happens. As the drivers ed teacher I had in HS said, what would you do if an elephant was in the road ahead of you? The idea is not to obsess over unlikely events, but, rather, by having a plan for such unlikely events, you will be better able to handle those much more likely events, like the car in front of you stopping suddenly, or the guy next to you pulling into your lane without looking.
You can’t change the way other people drive. All you can do is be prepared for them when they do drive.
excavating (for a mind)
A defensive driving course is a really good idea. We love to watch “Canada’s Worst Driver,” and one thing that seems universal is that people drive better and feel much more confident when they have more training.
I agree with the defensive driving course. Then you can put your Zen powers to work realizing that you’re doing everything right and not worry that people are getting pissed off at you. Because if they’re getting pissed off and you’re driving properly then that is their problem. Then you’ve done everything to control what you have control over, and you can let go of whatever you don’t have control over (other driver’s reactions to your driving).
That solves half the stress. The stress of other drivers actually being shitty and stressful…can’t help ya there.
Sometimes, when I’m in stressful, crowded traffic, I think of how we’re all basically acting like flock animals - starlings, schooling fish, bison - with extra regulation. And then I think that the drivers who are really ticking me off are not falling in with the rest of the flock, but sticking out.
Then I realize they’ll most likely be eaten by a lion before the day is over, and I’m happy.
I also vote for the defensive driving course. I am, frankly, amazed, that you haven’t heard of the two second rule. Obviously someone somewhere is failing on teaching it!
As to stress, all life has some sort of stress to it. It just matters how we react to it.
I was taught 6 car lengths, but that’s sort of hard to eyeball on the fly.
Podcasts!
Free and every hobby/topic imaginable.
iTunes, Stitcher Radio, Tune In Radio, egonetworks.com
Love podcasts so much, I can no longer listen to radio due to commercials! 
Tell me what you are into and I can probably recommend some good ones for you.
I sympathise. 3 hours a day of unpleasant driving sounds horrible.
It sounds like your 90-minute commute would still be 86 minutes if everyone drove well. So bad driving isn’t the problem; be more empathetic.
One thing I do when annoyed if I’m alone in the car is scream! I think it may help. If one of the other drivers notices you screaming, just smile back.
Hey I also recommend the learning a new language thing. I just bought “Singing for Dummies” and there’s a CD (which I will have to burn to my iPod) that it specifically recommends to listen to in the car. You could do that or improve your Spanish or something.
Oh yeah, the Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me podcast is a great way to kill 45 minutes in the car.