Rock N Roll ain't noise pollution, but car horns are

The BBQ Pit
1

<De-lurking after a long absence>

Here’s another wonderful benefit of having your own home-based business…
Scene: We join THespos as he is wrapping up an important client phone call, trying to convince said client to renew his retainer deal for another six months.

THespos: …and we think you’ll be really happy with the integrated plan we’ve outlined for April-

Car Horn Outside: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!

Important Client: Excuse me, but what the fuck was that?

THespos: Some guy outside is double-parked and the guy he blocked in is honking his horn.

Car Horn Outside: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK HONKITY HONK HONK! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!

Important Client: Wow. He sounds pissed.

THespos: Yeah. Sorry. Can I call you back in 15 minutes or so?

Important Client: I’m booked for the rest of the aft-

Car Horn Outside: HONK! HONK! HONK!

Across-the-street Neighbor (screaming from window): Shut the fuck up, wisenheimer!

Important client: It sounds like you’re busy. I’ll call you back after my afternoon meetings. <click>

THespos (to self): Fucking A, Fucking B, Fucking C (etc. ad infinitum)
Thank God I have cool clients. And Mr. Honker should be thanking his deity of choice that I’m somewhat slow on my feet. Because if one day, I manage to run down four flights of stairs and catch him before the FedEx van moves out of the way, I’m going to impale him on his own car antenna.

Is this phenomenon unique to New York? Seems like any time someone gets blocked in by a double parker, they just lay on the horn until the responsible person moves their vehicle.

This is one of the most childish displays of selfish behavior I’ve seen in my neighborhood. Granted, it sucks to get blocked in, but 9 times out of 10, the person being blocked in is there because of:

  1. A FedEx van
  2. A UPS van
  3. A moving truck

Which means that the double parker is going to be back within a couple minutes to move to the next stop on his route or to get the next piece of furniture, whereupon he can move out of the way and the problem is solved. But instead of being patient, the blocked in person decides to make his problem the entire neighborhood’s problem by laying on his horn until the FedEx guy comes sprinting out of the building to go move his truck.

I guess this method gets results, which is why people use it. But it sucks for the rest of the neighborhood. I don’t understand why people can’t wait a minute or two. Either the double parker will move his vehicle or a cop will come by (this neighborhood is crawling with NYC Traffic cops) and solve the problem. But putting the entire neighborhood on high alert because you’ve been inconvenienced is bullshit. If the wait is too long for you, call the cops and have them tow the offending vehicle away.

I know that getting blocked in by a double parker sucks, but the reality is that parking is scarce and delivery trucks and such have no way to make their deliveries unless they double park for a few quick minutes while they make their drop-off.

What’s the answer? A slingshot?

2

Oo! Stick it in his eye! Stick it in his eye!

Hate it when people use their horn as an expression of annoyance… Grrrrr…

3

But I wouldn’t have to use my horn as an expression of annoyance IF YOU DIDN"T FUCKING ANNOY ME WHILE I WAS IN MY CAR!

I mean look at it this way. You’re parked, yes PARKED, in the middle of a lane in the grocery store parking lot. You’re not in a space, you’ve stopped in the MIDDLE of the ONLY way out of the parking lot doing god knows what. I could sit in my car and happilly swear at myself. I could roll down my window and scream out the window at you. Also, I could honk. Or my personal favorite: get out of my car, walk up to the driver’s side door, remove you physically from the car and attempt to insert your steering wheel where the sun don’t shine.

Of the options, you probably won’t like the first two. Since not many people enjoy having their physical appearence, sexual habits and parentage critiqued in public. And the last one usually isn’t all that popular since it generally causes hemroids.

So I’m stuck with honking. But I’d like you to keep in mind that while I may honk, in the privacy of my own mind I’m doing things to you that would get Stephen King nightmares.

Seriously however. Honking really is probably the best way to express displeasure in car situations. You’re not assaulting someone verbally or physically. And you’re letting people know there is a problem, and the sound is loud enough to help people figure out where the problem is.

4

Honking at a temporary lane blockage? BAH!

I’ve heard cars honk at the emergency vehicle, lights a-flashin’ and siren a-blarin’, that went right through the intersection without waiting its turn. It’s almost as if the ambulance driver has some crazed idea about having the right of way or something. (This has happened with amblulances, fire trucks, and police on the go.)

I’m also treated, daily, to honking fights between various drivers who are have somehow managed to obtain a license without actually knowing how to drive.

5

In my neighborhood I’m treated to a five minute horn serenade each morning at 6:00am as Joe Fuckface picks up his buddy Pete Kissmyass for work. Why Mr. Kissmyass can’t just be outside waiting for his ride is beyond me. And why Mr. Fuckface feels that it is appropriate to shamelessly disrupt the entire neighborhood in order to save himself a ten-yard walk to his butt buddy’s front door I’ll never understand.

6

According to Dave Barry, in NYC, a driver may only use the horn to indicate one of 3 possible traffic emergencies:

  1. The light is green
  2. The light is red
  3. This vehicle is equipped with a horn

It’s very simple, really.

7

I haven’t used my horn since '87 when some trip mates were intently examining a dead rattlesnake on my truck’s hood.

It was cool to watch them fly.

8

Temporary?

Who EVER said anything about the car moving. :dubious:

The car NEVER did move. I spent 10 minets of my life that I will NEVER regain sitting behind that goddamn car. 4 of those minets was me leaning on my horn, head stuck out the window screaming.

Look, the fact that it’s raining, and you’re probably waiting for someone in the grocery store to a) get a cart b) buy groceries c) wait in line and FINALLY d) exit the store DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BLOCK A LANE OF TRAFFIC!

9

It’s really fun when the fire engines get in on the act. At 2:37AM one morning some idiot’s van was double parked directly underneath my 2nd-story window. Fire engine needs to go down my street. Fire engine honks are really, really, really loud.

Wooo-woo-wooo-wooo-wooo-wooo, said the fire engine. Fire engine notices van blockage.
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!! HON-HON-HON-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!

It was fun seeing the asswipe come stampeeding out of the building when he realized he was responsible for something burning down somewhere.

10

DOH! I should add that EVENTUALLY every car behind me (8 of them) finally managed to back up and go a different way.

11

I cannot offer you any solutions since my suggestions would place you in jepordy of legal action.
Ok, just one word as a hint.

Bowling balls.
Not going to say anymore :slight_smile:

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[hijack]Hi THespos, welcome back. How’ve you been? Where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you for ages. Can we get you at a NYC DopeGathering soon? You missed the big January one a few weeks ago, but the next one is this Saturday in Hoboken. [/hijack]

13

I don’t see the point of honking about being stuck behind that.

However, I am an avid honker at normal people in normal vehicles (ie–not company vehicles or delivery vehicles) that double park. I will honk at any asshole that does that. But only once or twice. Short, angry honks. Then I start to yell stuff and make gestures and stuff.

I make it a point to never be as obnoxious as the person in front of me.