Either they’re not home, or they’re choosing not responding to your leaning on your fucking horn for the past 10 minutes. Maybe they’re pretending not to be home because you are such a brain-dead imbecilic shit-for-brains fool. I know I wouldn’t want to hang out with you either, you phlegmsack.
But maybe you do have friends who have learned to accept you regardless. If that’s the case, if they’re running a bit late, then:
Just wait five minutes and then try the horn again.
Or call them on your mobile.
Or just fuck off and die.
My whole block doesn’t need to know you’re sitting in your car waiting for the remarkably charitable and generous people they must be, to accept you in their lives.
Laser gun, nothing. I have plenty of eggs and plenty of rocks, but I don’t dare use them. Too many witnesses in these streets full of apartment houses.
Any reason the OP missed the obvious “go and knock/ring their doorbell”, which is better than any of the other suggestions, except maybe fucking off and dying.
Because that option might get him killed. My next door neighbor has a situation where the boyfriend of the ex-wife comes by to get the kid to take back to mom’s. The ex-husband has told the boyfriend that he will shoot him if he steps foot on the porch.
So shithead number 1 blows the horn for 15 minutes while shithead number 2 sits in his house thrilled that shithead number 1 is pissed. Never occurs to him that he and number 1 are advertising their shitheadedness to the neighborhood.
See, this is the part where you walk out to the driver, smiling ear-to-ear, walk to the front of the car, graciously open the hood, and rip out the wires that connect the horn.
Smile at the driver and go back to bed.
Bonus points for breaking the back window with a large rock.
But honking horns are kewl!!! They’re so loud and awesome and even a pimply-faced kid with a small dick can create lots of noise all by himself! Plus honking a horn advertises that you’re surrounded by and in control of more than a ton of metal and plastic, and that by itself is just about the baddest thing ever. Make sure the whole neighborhood sees and hears about it! Excuse me while I cream myself thinking about my ability to create the sound and light spectacle that is the honking horn in a hitherto quiet neighborhood.
Happened to me the other night. I was in bed, just drifting off to sleep when
BEEP-BEEP
Silence for about 5 minutes…long enough for me to start to drift off again
BEEP-BEEP
Silence for a bit longer because clearly they weren’t coming out so I had the chance to drift off to sleep again
BEEP-BEEP
Another break but this time I can’t drift off to sleep because I’m waiting for the next one. Oh, here it is
BEEP-BEEP
I think we went through one or two more rounds of this before it stopped. At that point I was wide awake and pissed off. Took me a good hour to get relaxed again and fall back asleep.
I did consider tdn’s advice (I didn’t know it was his advice at the time but similar thoughts entered my head) but was too lazy to get out of my warm bed and I’m pretty sure my husband would have stopped me before I did anything that crazy.
Do they have noise ordinances where you live? You should have called the police. I don’t know what time zone you’re in but if you’re in the US then you posted this somewhere from 10:05PM to 1:05AM which would probably put him in violation of local ordinances.
Our condo association levies a $50 fee against anyone caught pulling this crap in our lots so the call of the impatient lazy motorist is almost exclusively heard from outside the apartments in the next block. I’ve been known to go out on the balcony and yell, “WHAT?”
My grandmother of all people used to pull this shit. The more she honked the longer it took me to get out the door. I told her over and over not to do that honking crap. She wouldn’t listen so she honked alot and I got pretty damn slow alot. We lived in the boonies at the time so the only person she was irritating was me and mostly herself.
Saw a cartoon in The New Yorker in which two guys are in a car in the middle of a huge traffic jam. One says to the other, “Why don’t you try honking again?”
Wry and understated humor actually. Some of us are humor-challenged to the point we actually find one line of this type funnier than a whole string of observations about bodily functions. It’s sad really.
