Rockin' Café Tables

The second-greatest menace the world faces – after its disturbance by the Fiction Fiends [see the “Fee Fi Fo Fum. . .” thread], is café tables that wobble and spill your coffee (or other drink). Hey, aren’t the world’s greatest decisions made over cups of coffee? Tea? Beer? Hard liquor? . . . Oh, conference tables? Well, anyhow. . .

If mechanical engineers can’t design a cheap café table that stays put, I guess the EEs will have to usurp the act. After all, there’s nothing cheaper than. . .electronic devices, which constantly cheapen in the face of inflation. So, has anyone patented the microprocessor-controlled maglev café table? Perhaps this project should even take precedence over my zipper-attached shoe sole. I can walk to the coffee house in bare feet and put the remains of my shoes on long enough to be served, but the coffee isn’t quite up to the temperature I like. . .by the time it gets to the edge of the metal table; so I’d like to drink it directly out of my mug.

Ray (complete with both gravity and levity sensors)

I would imagine that any sort of tripod wouldn’t wobble. Why they make them with straight legs and extensions at the bottom, is beyond me. Maybe it has something to do with leg space or ultimate tipping, but a low wide tripod should work.


If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

If you need a graphic solution, http:\ alk.to\Piglet

Back in college when I bartended and waited tables, we had this problem all the time. Only the problem was not usually with the tables. It was with the floor. The floor was never perfectly flat. If you moved a wobbly table around a few inches in any direction, the wobbling would change direction or stop, depending on which leg was resting on the higher area of the floor. You could also take a perfectly stable table and move it around a few inches, and it would start to wobble. Everyday the busboys would go to each table, position it in line with the rest of the tables, and then either put a small coaster under the wobbly leg, or, on some of the tables, they would turn it upsidedown and turn the little adjusting screw on the base of the leg in or out to adjust the height. So, I don’t think we need to make a better table, I think we need to make a better floor.


“What I wonder is why people are so afraid of everybody coming up with their own reality on their own terms.” - Jerry Garcia

Yeah, we don’t ***need *** a better mousetrap; we need stupider mice.

So, if putting gyroscopes in the tables doesn’t prove practical, I guess we’ll have to write up a new constuction regulation: All coffee houses shall have floors made of conforming plastic gunk.

Ray (should I table this one?)

How about just putting a threaded foot on the bottom of each leg so you can adjust it? I’ve never understood why this isn’t more common.

Lots of tables have threaded feet… trouble is, you adjust them once (say, for a single dip in the floor) and then someone moves the table. Now it’s even worse since you have that one extended foot that may be on the higher part of the floor.

Indeed, you’ll often find the problem is created primarily by misadjusted feet.

(Which of course is what Dirty Devil just said. I gotta stop replying to things this early in the morning).