Yes, we talked about this to the first contractor! After our daughter moves out, we planned on doing something like that, making the large bedroom that is there now, a guest room, and we knock out the wall between the smaller rooms and make a huge bedroom, where we could have some nice, overstuffed chairs and lots of shelf space for all of our books. A comfortable place to do our reading and relaxing.
The best solutions I’ve seen are the farms with the parents house next to them. The elderly parents stayed in the smaller house, and one of children lived in the main larger house. I don’t think it’s been improved on much in the last few hundred years. That’s not really available much now.
I would recommend a safety make over on any house where an elderly person lives. I lost my coordination and had thinking problems for a couple years. I did not cook on a stove during that period. I microwaved as a limitation so as not to burn my house down. I forgot what I was doing in a second and a microwave shuts down, a stove burns the food which can spread. In some cases disconnecting the stove is a good idea. I changed the light switches from the little ones that protrude and were common twenty years ago, too the wide ones that don’t stick out half an inch. I ran into door jams and walls a lot when walking, and injured myself on the older style light switches about once a week. Make sure that all nails and sharp edges on the wall are hammered flush of filled off. I ripped open on a few nails that had heads popping out with age. Run looped towel over the surfaces, if it snags it needs fixing. Griping is harder so replace glasses with ones that have a foot on them. You can slip the stem between your pinky and adjacent finger, so when your grip lets loose the glass is still cradled and supported between the two fingers. Get them utensils that have grips around an inch in diameter. The ability to grip lessens the smaller the diameter of the grip. I could carry a clip board, put not make it from point A to point B without dropping a letter or pen ten times. I carried the clip board and clip letters, pens, and everything that fit on it. I always had post it pads on it. Immediately writing down something will help cope with the memory problem. You forget what your doing but you know to look on the post it pad. You may need to do it four or five times on the way to see if you need milk. I kept a notebook of things done also or I didn’t know if I had done them. Get a watch or clocks that display the date, day of the week, AM PM, and the time. You forget that all the time. Temporally lower the hot water heater temperature to a non scalding setting. Reinstall new no scald fixtures at all hot water sources.
All great ideas, Harmonious Discord! Thanks! I’ll be sure to pay attention to these things.
I second the idea of looking into respite care now, before you need it, so you’ll know what is available in your area. Your intentions are good, but caring for a dementia patient 24/7 is not going to be easy for you. You have to have some time for youself and your family, and respite care can make sure you get it.
Good luck!
I hope it helps in keeping her healthier over long term, and to cope better with daily living. Best wishes for you both.
Nonacetone, I’m facing a similar dilemma right now with my mom. She’s at the point where it’ll be difficult for her to remain here without a serious remodel, never mind trying to line up additional help, etc. Right now she attends Adult Day Care 4x a week, and while it gives Mr. Kiz and I some free time, it’s in no way not enough because one or both of us needs to supervise her the minute she returns.
Was your grandpa a veteran? If he was, your grandma would be eligible for the VA’s “Aid and Attendance”, where the VA pays out roughly $900/month for her care. It can be used for home health aides, housekeeping, “paid companionship” – basically, any service which would offset her need to enter a NH.
Is your grandma eligible for Medicaid? Our social worker suggested that I try to get Mom on it ASAP before she needs a NH. The “spend down” can be applied to anything (for instance, Mom gifted her savings account to me a few years ago) – right now I’m using the remainder of the money that’s in her name to pay household expenses. Once she’s on Medicaid, she’ll be eligible for more services, most of which (depending on your state’s rules) you’d only have to pay a small amount, depending on how much she gets for Social Security.
Medicaid has what’s called a “Caretaker Clause”, in which if you’re a spouse or child, they won’t touch the house as long as you can prove that you’ve lived there for a certain period of time. There are other criteria to be met in order to determine eligibility which I can’t recall at the moment.
Do you have DPOA? Does anyone else? That’s the first order of business before doing anything else. Without it, Medicaid can, and will take everything they can get their hands on after the LO [Loved One] dies. With the DPOA you have a fighting chance to at least keep some of her assets.
I’ve been playing around with the idea of a reverse mortgage myself. What scares me is that after Mom dies and I sell the house, I’ll get much less than what it’s worth because most of it would be used for repayment. I could be wrong, but that’s how I understand it.
Thank you, SnakesCatLady and Harmonious Discord.
Kiz, thanks and good luck with your mom!
You know, around here (in Hillbilly Central as I like to call it), the nearest Adult Day Care is about 20 miles away, in a different county. That’s just too far. I know I’ll be needing time of my own, and I will look into what is available…but I know there isn’t much near where we live. I am the caretaker for my grandma. My mom isn’t strong enough, physically, to do it. I’m 44 years old and I’m a houseleech anyway. It’s not like I have anything else to do! My husband is an OTR truck driver, and he’s only home on weekends, so that won’t be a problem, either. Our daughter is still living at home, and she can help out if needed. I think we’ll do ok. If not, I can deal with that when the time comes. I will look into what else is available in terms of me getting some ‘free time’ for myself, though!
My grandma is not eligible for Medicaid. She’s not eligible for anything, really. But then again, she doesn’t need it. She’s doing fine, moneywise. She gets several pensions, including Black Lung Pension and United Mine Workers Pension. She also gets Social Security and another pension check, too…I just can’t think of what it is right now. She also has ample savings socked away. My grandfather wasn’t a veteran. He had black lung disease from working in underground coal mines all his life, and the army wouldn’t take him.
I’m the GPOA for my grandma. Everything has been turned over to me now. I’m just hoping everything works out and we can keep her out of the nursing home.
I wish you the best of luck, and am sending supportive thoughts your way. We worked very hard to keep my in-laws out of nursing homes, and were successful - partly because the money was available for part-time home health care. I wasn’t successful with my mother - a stroke produced physical complications I simply was not qualified to care for at home.
If it happens that your grandmothers problems develop to the point where you are unable to care for her, don’t beat yourself up about it. Even an RN can’t do 24/7 care for a dementia patient if they are to the stage where they are a danger to themselves. Check around - you may be able to hire someone to help with household stuff, taking a little of the pressure off of you. I don’t know how old your daughter is, but don’t ask too much of her - you don’t want her memories of her great-grandmother to be ruined.
Another idea (one I learned about in Hawaii) - make sure the local police/ sheriff’s department has a recent photo of your grandmother with your contact information. Homes in Hawaii are so expensive, it is not uncommon for three or four generations to live in one home. Many people take elderly loved ones, who have a tendency to wander, to the police station to have a picture made so information will be available should the elderly person wander away.
You and your family are in my thoughts.
I’ll be ok sooner or later, it takes time… As far as being angry, Ive been angry with everyone at one point or another. Even my husband for getting sick. Right now my anger is with the medical Companies that insist on make huge profits.
I owned a business I understand the need to make a profit…What I don’t understand is the need to bankrupt people when they need all their assets the most. I don’t understand why it cost 6,000.00 a month for my husbands care. I don’t understand why a 9 day stay in the hospital cost me 20,000.00. That’s 9 months of my pay…I don’t understand why we can’t fix this problem.
This could still happen. I kept my husband at home for as long as I could. My steam ran out after 4 years of 24/7 care…Don’t beat yourself up if it happens.
Get help around the house now. don’t let yourself get wore out. I lived in (hick hollow) and know that the isolation only makes it worse. Every County in the country has services that can help you find someone to come in a couple days a week to help with most anything…care, cleaning or just time away from grandma.
Don’t be afraid to use some of her assets for this…(JUST KEEP GOOD RECORDS) you will be ask for an accounting of her money spent by someone down the road.
Lordy… I hope I didn’t paint too bleak of a picture…
Wow, I’m impressed! There’s no way that $30k would buy 3 rooms here, particularly if one of them is a bathroom. I think we’re looking at about $15k just to do basic renovations on our current bathroom - which is why it totally isn’t going to get done and we’re going to keep muddling through with the glass shower screen that’s been held together with tape for the last 7 years… and the bath that nobody can use… /sigh
We certainly don’t live in a cultural mecca either. I’m situated firmly in feralville.
Thank you, DrunkOnion and SnakesCatLady. I’ll do my best and I will keep detailed records! I will find out what is available nearby, to help me out. Grandma isn’t too bad off right now, but she just can’t remember short-term stuff. She staggers about when she walks sometimes, but hell…she’s 90 for Og’s sake! I’d be staggerin’, too!
Bites When Provoked, I ADORE the term you used…
‘feralville’
I snorted my iced tea out my nose over that one!
I suppose that $30k isn’t too bad, considering the other 2 estimates I got today! One was for 35k and the other for 38k!
Good Og.
Now, I just have to confer with my husband to see which one he wants to do the work. Hopefully, they can get started VERY soon on this!