The recent photos of the be-lipsticked Pope got me to thinking—I have never seen a dead body that looked like anything but a badly painted mannequin. Admittedly, I’ve only been to two or three open-coffin funerals (we’re into dremation in my family). But they all looked kinda pinkish-orange, with too much blush and lipstick (both the men and the women), their hairline had powder in it . . . Why can’t funeral homes do as good a job as Madame Tussaud’s?
(Not to mention they buried my grandmother in a dress she wouldn’t be caught dead in)
My paternal grandfather looked better in the coffin than he had in life, much better. My paternal grandmother had her cheeks a little too stuffed, but otherwise looked fine; they even put one of her turbans on her to hide the hair she’d lost to chemo. Makeup was varied but I’d rather see it than bluish lips. My other grandparents looked OK; they cut Grandpa’s mustache a little short. I’ve never noticed any of them looking orange-y; what ethnicity is your family? There was one Italian-American old lady I saw once who looked odd, so maybe the makeup works better with certain skin tones.
Yes, they all look sort of unnatural, but I’d rather see them. When a couple of middle-aged family friends died I could not bring myself to go to the wakes, however, and the absolute worst was a girl my age who had been dead for a week and autopsied–she was intact but almost green. It was terrible. But of course the important thing is being there for the living relatives.
Well, the three people I can think of were my Grandmother (Russian), my friend Michael’s father (Polish) and my friend Dottie (haven’t the vaguest). All whitish-pinkish in life, and all looking distinctly made-up and creepy after death. I’d just as soon not remember them like that (or think of them looking like that underground in their coffins, till even worse things happen . . .).
Cremation for mine.
But, where do funeral homes get/train their makeup artists and hairstylists? I know they have “difficult circumstances” to work under, but you’d think by now, they’d be able to attain some kind of flattering, natural look.
For what it’s worth, I’ve seen plenty of embalmed bodies that looked very natural. (We do a lot of open casket funerals here in the South) In fact, when my grandmother died, she looked better at her funeral than she had looked in ages; the makeup was applied well and made her look healthy again, not like the ill, barely able to breathe person that she’d been for several years.
But seriously, I feel the same way. Wakes/open casket viewings seriously creep me out. I mean, the person’s dead, do we really need to trick them out in fancy makeup they would *never * have worn in real life and display them like a hunk of cheese? (80’s flash) Mega-yuck. (/80’s flash)
Cremation for me, and have a big party at my funeral! If there is life after death, I’ll be there, partying it up with you guys.
Having seen too many decedents in my life, the custom of “gilding the lily” for a viewing, seems utterly strange to me. Swampy’s right, in most cases, the family chooses the clothing, the funeral home staff, drain, preserve and dress, but hair and make-up are often contracted out to a local salon.
Many preparers will ask the family if they have a salon preference. Although, many salons wouldn’t dream of pursuing such unpleasant circumstances.
Death is unpretty, embalming actually may improve skin color a bit. Depending on the cause of death, the skin color can be anything from “skim milk” blue, to thunder cloud blue to yellow, orange, or green.
I’ve been to way too many funerals for being in my mid thirties. Had to make arrangements for a couple too. I can’t recall seeing anybody with an orange tint. Usually pale to chalky white to me.
I’ve never had the funeral home discuss the details of the makeup. It was part of the package. Looking back later I remember how smoothly I was handled by the Funeral Director. He was/is slick on gliding things along low key. Very well done.
The funerals I’ve attended (again, in the South where open caskets are the norm) haven’t looked bad, although the hands always look unnatural. My grandmother at 90 looked better dead than alive, but that was in Albany, GA (during the flood, even), so maybe FayeNell was earning her keep.
I’ve only seen two open caskets in my life (well, ones with a body in them): my grandmother, my grandfather, and my dad. A miss, a hit, and a miss, respectively. My grandfather looked completely natural, but my grandmother looked a little odd; my dad looked like a completely different person, and the funeral home must have realized that because they asked us after our private viewing if they should close the casket before everyone else got there (yes).
When my Grandma died, the one thing that I really remember was the lipgloss on her. She was 94 and I feel pretty sure that Grandma had never worn Bonnie Bell Lip Gloss.
When dealing with my brothers, due to sickness, I have to say that I did not want to do the Casket Duty and was dreading it. The funeral home people made one brother look better than he had been in years. It was a very positive experience, considering.
Well, even though the makeup may be a little screwy, and Grampy doesn’t look quite like he did when he was 50, it’s (for the most part) a darn site better than they’d be sans makeup and/or embalming.
Got to see my father-in-law before they did the job on him. Face quite peaceful, hands naturally folded, back of his head and neck swollen and almost black…
When grandmother died, they made her up very badly - poofy hair, huge amounts of makeup, poofy cheeks. When my aunt saw that, she made them take grammy back and do her again.
I know that my grandmother, a beautician, did the final hair do on many of her clients. I don’t know that she did the makeup though.
My great-grandmother was blue in life, for as long as I remember her. Her skin was a waxy white with the blue from veins giving her color. It was odd seeing her tan in the coffin.
In any case, they do something that results in people attending the wake saying things like “Oh, he looks so alive!” and “Oh, she looks so good!” I’ve always assumed that this was, for some reason, a way of making the family feel better - I’m not exactly sure why though. At most of the wakes I’ve been to, the immediate family is stationed next to the casket, and gobs of heart- and cross-shaped flower arangements are standing on little easels behind them. Sometimes there’s a big floral spray covering the lower part of the casket.