Ruin-a-Series!

[Excalibre]

@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor

I win the Thread, I’m a thinkin’.

I think that only happens if you say something funny.

[Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor]

@Excalibre

I think that only happens if you say something funny.

I don’t notice anything comparable to a barrel of monkeys in your post, you champion of unemployed Elvis Inpersonators everywhere, you. :dubious:

[Excalibre]

@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor

I don’t notice anything comparable to a barrel of monkeys in your post, you champion of unemployed Elvis Inpersonators everywhere, you. :dubious:

You also didn’t see me bragging about how funny I was. Seriously, I mean, do you think anyone even cracked a smile at that?

Incidentally, you’re not quite as good at insults as you are at making jokes. Maybe best not embarrass yourself by attempting more of them.

[Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor]

Actually, the last half of that was a mistake I made in cut & paste.

[Push_You_Down]

Okay boys saddle up and ride on…

But yeah the Sailor Moon joke wasn’t that funny.

[silenus]

@jayjay

Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series, actually.

snerk!

[SkipMagic]

If you have a problem with another poster, Excalibre, take it to the Pit. Cafe Society is meant for discussion about the arts, so calling out another poster–no matter how unfunny you might think he is–needs to be left out of the discussion.

[Green_Means_Go]

@jayjay

First, create a really interesting, original fantasy world. Give it a huge history with catastrophes and Great Evils and ancient lost technologies and magics and prophecies. Drib and drab the background and secrets out over the course of things so they stay interesting and curious, and addict your readers to finding out what’s going to happen. So far, so good.

Then drag out the plot over the course of 12 or more gigundous volumes, making sure nothing really happens except excessive description of clothing, hair, mannerisms and weaponry. And on top of that, develop an often-terminal, extremely rare illness, making the certainty of your actually finishing said series very uncertain.

Oh, wait…that’s already happened! Sorry, wrong thread…

[Slight Hijack]

This HAS to be a description of Robert Jordon. He’s sick? I agree with everything you wrote, but if he doesn’t finish this series, I am seriously going to go downtown and start lighting things on fire…

[/Slight Hijack]

[kushiel]

@Raguleader

Harm and Mac discover that they are long-lost twins on the final episode of JAG.

cry So many seasons, so many hints…like X-Files for military TV fans.

Oh, and thank Og this has already been debunked, but Uwe Boll directing the Metal Gear Solid movie.

[Green_Means_Go]

Had I scrolled down I would have seen you confirmed it was Jordon. Still… he’s sick???

[furryman]

Lost: Reveal everything or reveal the whole thing takes place on Fantasy Island or Gilligan’s Island.
Or PANORAMIC VIEW OF LOST ISLAND, SLOWLY PULL CAMERA BACK. A STRANGE GLASS WALL IS SLOWLY REVEALED. THE GLASS WALL IS SPHERICAL. WAIT! IT’S A SNOW GLOBE! THE SNOW GLOBE IS SITTING ON HURLEY’S TABLE. HE’S OBVIOUSLY CATATONIC. THE END.

24: Jack Bauer runs out of time.

Produce a sequel (After-MASH, Archie Bunker’s Place, Golden Palace)

Inuyasha: Damn it! That Kikio treats me like a dog! I love you Kagome!

[YaWanna]

@labtrash

cast Ted McGinley in your TV show.

Please explain. I don’t watch all that much TV, mind you, so I’m not familiar with much the guy has done. I do know that it wasn’t him that ruined The West Wing.

[Ponder_Stibbons]

@Speaker for the Dead

Imagine the Foundation trilogy, if you will–the first three books, which are the only ones I’ve read at this point. In filming it, they’d cut out any mention of the history of the Mayors, the Merchant Princes, and the rest. Instead, they’d skip straight to the plot of Foundation and Empire, but contrive it so that it immediately follows the death of Hari Seldon. No, that’d be too good. How about they make him survive as a lecherous-but-oh-so-funny old-man-hologram, who accompanies the hero and his love interest (“wife” is too boring–they’d barely know each other, and so a romance could develop over the course of the story) throughout the movie?

Any mention of Seldon’s Plan, of course, would be out–on one hand, it would make those who believe in free will uncomfortable, while simultaneously alienating those religious people who believe that meddling with fate is only to be done by God–and probably replaced with a flawed machine that could fail in the end, allowing everyone to go home happy. Free-willers would think “see? You can’t predict the future!” while the religous folks could say “see? God’s will is the only way.” Everyone’s happy! Except, that is, people who have read the books.

Oh, and of course the actual books are far too dull, action-wise, for movie audiences, so there would be a lot of fight-scenes added in. The defeat of [the Bad Guy whom I won’t mention] will be altered to include explosions, sweat, tearing of clothing, and a protracted emotion struggle where the hero (the fight must include the protagonist) realises that he’s related to [Bad Guy] and thus cannot kill him casually.

[Hollywood Producer]
Perfect! Only get rid of that old man. We’ll keep the name to make the fans happy, only we’ll make him a smart good-looking and hip rebel that the kids will love, played by, oh, I dunno, how about Will Smith?

And forget that founding a new planet at the edge of the galaxy crap. Too long, too boring. We’ll just set it up as a rebels-vs-empire thing. The emperor will be played by Christopher Lee and there’ll be a big kung-fu showdown between them at the end of the movie, and in the end Hari Seldon (played by Will Smith) will win and re-establish the Trantorian Republic and will be declared the new president by acclamation. And get the girl. The End.

[jayjay]

@YaWanna

Please explain. I don’t watch all that much TV, mind you, so I’m not familiar with much the guy has done. I do know that it wasn’t him that ruined The West Wing.

Ted McGinley is the patron saint of shark-jumping. Happy Days, Love Boat, Married With Children, etc.etc.etc…

@Green_Means_Go

Had I scrolled down I would have seen you confirmed it was Jordon. Still… he’s sick???

Announcement here

[RealityChuck]

Easiest way to ruin a Series: have the ball go between Buckner’s legs.

Ruined the Series for everyone in New England.

[tdn]

Remake Shakespeare in Love.

With Rosie O’Donnell as Viola and George Kennedy as Will.

[Tupug_Anachi]

Here’s an update on Jordan’s blog

[Kamino_Neko]

@jayjay

Ted McGinley is the patron saint of shark-jumping. Happy Days, Love Boat, Married With Children, etc.etc.etc…

He doesn’t actually ruin the series, though. He’s invariably brought in after the series has been ruined, to oversee its demise.

[Boulter_s_Canary]

Film any of Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey/Maturin books:

Director - James Cameron
Jack Aubrey - Robin Williams
Stepehen Maturin - Jim Carrey

[YaWanna]

@Tengu

He doesn’t actually ruin the series, though. He’s invariably brought in after the series has been ruined, to oversee its demise.

Then I would say “generally” is an better term than “invariably,” as TWW was quite good for a while after McGinley’s recurrent role (I’m thinking it was about Season 5 or 6 that was the “demise” period).

Just sayin’.