Take your favourite book, film, TV show, comic, etc. and suggest how it could be irrevocably ruined for all time.

I forsee at least one mention of George Lucas in this thread.

Let Marti Noxon produce it.

First, create a really interesting, original fantasy world. Give it a huge history with catastrophes and Great Evils and ancient lost technologies and magics and prophecies. Drib and drab the background and secrets out over the course of things so they stay interesting and curious, and addict your readers to finding out what’s going to happen. So far, so good.

Then drag out the plot over the course of 12 or more gigundous volumes, making sure nothing really happens except excessive description of clothing, hair, mannerisms and weaponry. And on top of that, develop an often-terminal, extremely rare illness, making the certainty of your actually finishing said series very uncertain.

Oh, wait…that’s already happened! Sorry, wrong thread…

And make sure to contrast the lush background with one-dimensional characters. Each character in the story can be given a single personality quirk to make them distinct, like “Gosh, I don’t want to do any of this but it’s my duty!” or “I’m just a simple blacksmith’s apprentice.” Wait, too hard. Let’s make it simpler: all female characters will just use sniffing a lot as their quirk.

Absolutely! Let George Lucas do a remake of Shogun.

The possibilities are absolutely limitless.

Allow Rick Berman or Brannon Braga anywhere near it.

Hey, I know what’s wrong with the Nero Wolfe novels … Archie Goodwin needs to go. His character needs to be replaced by a hottie female detective who drives Wolfe nuts with her intuitions about crimes and her wild ass!

24: Day 8- Kirk Cameron must save as many souls as possible in a single day…OR MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WILL BE CAST INTO THE LAKE OF FIRE!

cast Ted McGinley in your TV show.

When the male lead actor demands that you switch filming locations from Vancouver to L.A., happily give in. No problem whatsoever!

I think there are two ways to interpret the OP, and since most people have taken one, I’ll try out the other just to be contrary.

Imagine the Foundation trilogy, if you will–the first three books, which are the only ones I’ve read at this point. In filming it, they’d cut out any mention of the history of the Mayors, the Merchant Princes, and the rest. Instead, they’d skip straight to the plot of Foundation and Empire, but contrive it so that it immediately follows the death of Hari Seldon. No, that’d be too good. How about they make him survive as a lecherous-but-oh-so-funny old-man-hologram, who accompanies the hero and his love interest (“wife” is too boring–they’d barely know each other, and so a romance could develop over the course of the story) throughout the movie?

Any mention of Seldon’s Plan, of course, would be out–on one hand, it would make those who believe in free will uncomfortable, while simultaneously alienating those religious people who believe that meddling with fate is only to be done by God–and probably replaced with a flawed machine that could fail in the end, allowing everyone to go home happy. Free-willers would think “see? You can’t predict the future!” while the religous folks could say “see? God’s will is the only way.” Everyone’s happy! Except, that is, people who have read the books.

Oh, and of course the actual books are far too dull, action-wise, for movie audiences, so there would be a lot of fight-scenes added in. The defeat of [the Bad Guy whom I won’t mention] will be altered to include explosions, sweat, tearing of clothing, and a protracted emotion struggle where the hero (the fight must include the protagonist) realises that he’s related to [Bad Guy] and thus cannot kill him casually.

Brilliant! I’m going to be rich!

I should have seen this coming, I really should have, when I opened this thread. But I didn’t.

Good show. :smiley:

Next time on LOST:

The Others’ leaders are revealed… and it’s THE OLSEN TWINS!
Coming to a theater near you!



Hilary Duff as… ELPHABA!
Lindsay Lohan as… GALINDA!
Nick Lachey as… BOQ!
Justin The Backstreet Boy With The Blonde Hair Or Maybe He Was From N*Sync But You Know The One… He Sounds Really Girly as: FIYERO!


“Dr. House changes his ways and becomes a kinder, gentler man, next time, on a very special episode of House.”

Harm and Mac discover that they are long-lost twins on the final episode of JAG.

Cobra Commander is revealed to be a male supermodel behind his mask.

The Royal Manticoran Navy and the Peoples’ Republic of Haven make peace after The Short Victorious War, and the next 8+ books in the series are about the peaceful interactions of Honor Harrington and her friends as they go to church, baseball games, etc.

Piro works up the confidence to ask out Kimiko after their first meeting in Megatokyo, and they lead a healthy and stable relationship.

NCIS: Jethro and Abbie are an item! A very SPECIAL sort of item!

I think the Sci Fi channel did a pretty good job of absolutely destroying the Earthsea books. It was as if they actually had a grudge against them.

Are we discussing Lord of the Rings here?

At least Tolkein had the decency to die after he finished his books.

Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series, actually.

Yeah. Speaking of which, is he still claiming he’s going to finish the series one day? I think I’ve read the ninth book, but I’m not going any further until the thing’s done; no point in setting myself up for further disappointment.

Tolkien avoided putting any mother issues he had on display by simply omitting female characters from his story.

In the next big-screen version of Batman, Bruce Wayne’s new partner is…Sailor Moon.

I win the Thread, I’m a thinkin’.