Came in here to post this! Bleccch.
Pretty much any recipe from ol’ Dr, Atkins is vomit-inducing (in fact, that is apparently one of the ways low carb dieting works for some people – after eating so much meat and cheese, they’re too nauseous to be hungry).
The grossest have got to be the desserts featuring pork rinds. Including this gem (from here):
Hell’s bells, is there anything at all that hasn’t been posted somewhere on the web?
I think the best part of those recipe cards might be the comments.
**Snacks on a Stick:
My guess is they tried being consistent with the plural at first, and then decided that SNACKS ON STICKS sounded too disturbing. Like Apocalypse Now food or something.
This is frozen coffee, people. Yeah, it almost sounds kind of good, until you freeze a whole bunch and take them out and look at them and hit a few of them together and hear them go thunk thunk, and say, “oh fuck this shit,” and drop the whole tray on the floor in disgust. **
Oh, I agree. I’ve got “Frankfurter Spectacular” on my mind, and the “good guys” cast of Moulin Rouge is singing it as a pitch to the evil blonde mustache guy.
But…recipe cards from 1974??? How much more obscure could you possibly get?
Holy…(minds tongue) freaking crap! I’ve cooked with all kinds of flour. I’ve cooked with shredded, dried, pork. I’ve eaten pork rinds. I occasionally indulge in sticky cinnamon buns. But never in a million cholesterol-loaded greasy-dessert eating years would I contemplate grinding pork rinds into flour and making cinnamon buns out of them. It’s so horrible I can’t help but think she’s opened a portal to some kind of surreal molecular gastronomy hell.
And to answer the OP, ravioli made of beet slices instead of pasta. Way to embarrass Italian cuisine and a perfectly decent vegetable all at once.
So here we are up to post #46, and here we have the first mention of mock apple pie?
I admit to a bad one myself – recently I tried making cheese fondu from low fat cheese. The texture was – interesting.
My MIL (who of course is still fat too) likes to give us the heads up on new diets. She bought us the South Beach Diet book. I was tempted to burn it after actually trying the “dessert” recipe: ricotta cheese mixed with cocoa powder and artificial sweetener.
Weight Watchers, especially their Core program, inspires a lot of monstrosities. Concoctions of oatmeal or cornmeal, Splenda, and fat free, sugar free instant pudding in an effort to make “desserts.” Fat free cheese (a/k/a artifically colored and flavored rubber). Brownies made with mashed beans.
I tried WW several times, and finally as I sat contemplating my fat free cheese and spray-on butter substitute and Splenda and low fat bottled salad dressing, I decided life is too short for this shit.
I now eat full fat cheeses, butter, cream in my coffee, real pizza, and real desserts. I’ve shifted my goals to not stuffing myself and not eating for emotional reasons, rather than stuffing myself and eating for emotional reasons, but trying to get away with it by reducing the calories of all the food I was cramming down.
Besides, one teaspoon of real butter is more satisfying than a whole package of low fat margarine anyway.
I’ve also seen some horror-show versions of good recipes by the tastebud-challenged who like to use convenience items. Epicurious will have a mouthwatering genoise layered with buttercream and topped with vanilla-bean whipped cream, and some yahoo will comment on how great it was, “but I substituted a box of yellow cake mix, a can of store bought icing, and low fat Cool-Whip.” Where is the cringing smilie?
When I read the thread title, I didn’t realize it was about diets, and immediately thought of my FIL and his wife making a gorgeous whole beef tenderloin roast for Christmas. Well done. I almost cried.
Or flour … which reminds me of a cooking segment I saw on some “lite” news TV program about 15 years ago. The recipe being prepared was for “healthy” pizza (i.e., a pizza with more vegetables and nearly all the nasty fat calories cut out). They started by replacing the “fatty” pizza dough with a whole-wheat tortilla and the salt-and-calorie-laden tomato pizza sauce with chunky mild salsa. From there, they topped it with either fat-free or tofu-based cheese (I can’t remember which) and raw vegetables. I know that probably doesn’t seem that bad but with the substitution of the tortilla and the salsa, what they prepared was not a pizza but a tostada. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with tostadas. I occasionally eat them myself. However, a tostada is not a pizza. It’s a completely different food from a completely different type of cuisine. I think I would have been a little less irritated with the segment if they acknowledged that fact. If I want to go to Rome, don’t take me to Mexico City and tell me it’s pretty much the same place.
I’m on the Core program, and neither plan has the monopoly on heinous recipes, truly.
The “black bean brownies” are a real recipe, but they’re pretty much a joke. As are the majority of the “dessert” recipes you mentioned.
Actually, flavored, sweetened ricotta cheese is a staple on many diets. It tastes like flavored, sweetened ricotta cheese, and as long as nobody tries to sell you a bill of goods that states it’s something like “mock frosting” it’s pretty good.
On the other hand, calling frozen flavored sweetened ricotta cheese something like “mock ice creme” is disgusting.
Was the restaurant named “El Tapatio” by any chance?
Pffffft! If we’re going to discuss terrible things done to good food by overcooking, my extended family is going to be the winners (losers?) of this crown. My dad went back to his hometown for a Christmas visit, and his cousin had a big dinner at her house. A roast beef. Cooked for 5 or 6 HOURS ('cause that what a big Christmas turkey would take, right? And this is a big holiday dinner too, so…5 hours it is! Did I mention that the roast started out being less than 4 pounds)
So it’s roast cutting time - they break out the electric carving knife and start sawing. Not cutting, but sawing, complete with little bits of roast beef sawdust flying off. Once the meat is cubed (the hell?) dinner begins. Ah! but this this is classy event, and wine is required! Someone gets dispatched to the pantry to get the half bottle of wine. Not one of those 375 ml bottles, but a 750 ml bottle of white wine that wasn’t finished during LAST YEAR’s Christmas dinner. Wine keeps for a long time, right? It should be fine :rolleyes:
Now, back to the pork rind flour :eek: What is that? is this a product that’s widely available? Or did this individual grab a bag of pork rinds down at the Kwiki Mart and blend them? (I’d like to see that on “will it blend?”, no wait, I don’t think I would) Wouldn’t blending pork rinds give you a salty, fatty paste? This went into a dessert that needed to be shared with the world? Yikes!
You would like the book Real Food by Nina Planck. It’s all about how commercial processing of food has actually changed food chemsitry for the worse (for example- by changing the feed of chicken to a vegetarian one, instead of insects etc the chemistry of eggs and chicken meat has changed). It’s a
facinating book on the effects of “industrialized” foods.
Her take home message- eat local, eat close to the source and eat fresh foods.
ETA: I have no affiliation with the author etc, just wanted to mention it here.
My sister tried to cook beef liver. The cookbook said to fry it for 15 minutes. She thought that meant 15 minutes on each side.
The result could have been worn on the bottom of a shoe.
my wife has made a substitute for mashed potatoes from the South Beach diet made from… mashed cauliflower. The flavor isn’t enough to make me gag, but the texture? Awful slimy little lumps like hardened pieces of maggot. Ueagh… I just got a shiver thinking about it.
I actually rather like it. But I think it has to be made right.
Me too. It just shouldn’t be considered a substitute for mashed potatoes.
Like how I love spaghetti sqash, but it’s NOT a substite for pasta and does not taste similar despite what it looks like.
If you use a food processor, you can get it pretty smooth. I have to admit that I add a little butter, which kind of defeats the purpose.
Most Weight Watchers and South Beach recipes are pretty normal. I do draw the line at most low-fat/fat free cheeses, though. Bleh.
I’ve heard of a diet equivalent of coq au vin- coq au diet cola.
I think that most people who hate Brussels sprouts would like them if they had them cooked right. If you get fresh ones (not frozen) in season and don’t cook them for too long, they don’t get that awful mushy texture and sulfurous flavor, and they don’t stink up the kitchen. Really.
faints
I’m sure there was butter in it when I ordered it in restaurants. But there is a nutritional reason for the substitution. For one thing, the potatoes will probably have butter anyway, so that’s a wash. And if you’re watching your weight, white potatoes are one of the worst things you can eat. The starch converts to sugar extremely fast, causing a spike in blood suger, causing cravings shortly thereafter. And they have a ton of calories.