I hear you guys. I’m sorry Elret. I’m similar to you, eleanorigby. While I adore my children, without question or hesitation, still I’m really not cut out to be a SAHM. I hate housework. I hate cooking. I don’t care if my curtains match my placemats and I’ve never baked a cake in my life. I am NOT a “nester” and I can’t keep up with my peers who are.
I studied fine art and philosophy and I’m almost a good enough artist to make a modest living at it. I never planned on being a mom.
But here I am. And I’m grateful to be here, I know I’m damned lucky. At the same time I feel thoroughly overwhelmed by this job and completely unqualified to do it.
Some days are a privilege and a joy, but other days (like the one today) I just want to QUIT. Today was “Drive Mommy Batty” day (“What would you like for lunch?” “Peanut butter sandwich!”…make and give child sandwich --including minor skirmish over the butter knife —she sees brother’s lunch…“I don’t want this! I want chicken nuggets!”) (it’s not the fact that they argue, it’s that they never stop arguing).
Hubby and I were so lucky (in a way*) because not long after having our daughter, we started a programming business together. We thought it was perfect - we were interchangeable at work, and could be interchangeable as parents. We could share being a SAHP. Looking back, now that our daughter is 4 1/2, and about to start full-time school, these are the things I wasn’t prepared for:
we weren’t as interchangeable as parents, as we thought. our girl was a mommy’s girl, she was an extended nurser, and for years it was me that did the night wakings, the care when she was ill, tended to boo-boos, etc.
because I was the primary caregiver in that way, anytime there were networking meetings, conference calls, challenging projects with short deadlines and lots to learn, hubby took responsibility for them. I worked, but I did the “easy” work with easier deadlines, and I learned nothing in those years.
But the flipside of those:
being “the mommy”/primary caregiver is as rewarding as it is crazymaking (and for me, it was crazymaking; I am not a kid person for the most part!)
it’s only taken a few weeks of more challenging work, for me to feel better about learning again; I honestly expected to feel behind for much longer
and what I was prepared for:
we had significant life insurance, to allow the surviving parent to uphold the parenting/lifestyle choices we wanted to make
if we divorced, I knew that my career would not be much worse off for me only working part time for those early years
*I say “in a way” because trying to establish a business together with a kiddo at home is insane!