If the dates on Wikipedia are accurate then Ride’s romantic relationship with O’Shaughnessy began some time in 1985 (27 years ago) while Ride was still married to astronaut Steve Hawley (they divorced in 1987). So even if O’Shaughnessy had been a man it probably would have hurt Ride’s career to be open about their relationship from the time it began, and since O’Shaughnessy was another woman I think there could have been a major public scandal if this had become publicly known. “First woman in space cheats on astronaut husband with homewrecking lesbian!” Since the Challenger disaster occurred in January 1986, Ride might also understandably have felt that this was the worst possible time to cause any additional controversy at NASA.
Ride left NASA the same year she divorced and may have become more open about her relationship with O’Shaughnessy after that, I don’t know.
You know, it wouldn’t be the first time the media were imprecise with their facts. Particularly when they’re speaking from an outsider’s point of view.
Given that she apparently didn’t discuss her personal life with the media, I don’t know how they could know whether she came out (to mom, friends, etc.) after she died or 27-odd years ago. My guess would be the latter, honestly. I can’t imagine successfully pulling off “she’s just my roommate” for almost 30 years.
I met her a few times in the early 90’s when I worked at UCSD. I gathered it was common knowledge on campus that she was gay, but she obviously had a lot of professional cred and people liked her, so it was no big deal and not much discussed. In person she came across (to me at least) as a little “butch,” (i.e. not excessively feminine but not over the top either) but I’m no expert on the subject and certainly it was not my business anyway. At the time it mattered not at all to those who knew her and worked with or around her. I’ll miss knowing she’s around. RIP Dr. Ride: you were a real pioneer in more than one way.