::takes insurance money from the Jester Food-o-Rama disaster, opens fancy beauty spa::
:: Babouin (thats me in french, doncha know? this is a fancy spa, n’est pas?) stands by fancy chair, wearing all black (of course!)::
[bad french accent]
Bon Jour!
'oo vill be my first client?
[/bad french accent]
Oh! Moi! i’ve never been the first customer at a doper store before.
I want you to make me ravishing. Make my hair so tall I’ll have to limbo to get under any door way. I’m in your capable hands, Baboon. 
[bad french accent]
ooooo la la!
(air kisses in a oh-so-chic way)
for zee first client I will do zee hair for free.
ah, big hair, it is my specialty. I am from Texas, afterall.
(forgets she is supposed to be french)
(recovers quickly)
I mean PARIS, Texas!
(she makes a whirlwind around zoggie al la Tasmanian Devil.)
(zoggie now stands at 7’8")
VOILA!!!
[/bad french accent]
I’m sorry to be picky, but shouldn’t that be “Salon de la Babouin des mauvaises nouvelles” ?
(I just wanted to beat matt_mcl to it 
… but he’ll probably just come along and correct me.)
Babs, can you take a little, just un petite, off the top? And get the front out of my eyes? Collar length in back? Layer the whole thing out? Nothing too outré.
And can you do something about my nails? A manicure or something? Not too fancy, don’t want to ruin my tough-guy image.
-Rue.
**StephenG **um, I don’t think so. but please, if I am wrong someone correct me. they shall get a free manicure/pedicure by Helga, my Russian ‘hand lady’ (hey guys: ;))
Rue DeDay: mais no!!! no mullets!!! out of zee shop! shoo! we do not serve your type here!
sacre bleu! une Mullet! erg!
ooo! ooo! I’ve always wanted a day of pampering and beautification! Can you make me the epitome of a FairyChatMom? Not too fussy, not too outrageous - just a nice, conservative, socially acceptable FairyChatMom?
I place myself in your capable hands… uh, they are hands, not paws, right??
Mullet Babs? Not even if you prononce it “myoo-lay”. Anyway, collar length is right above the collar of a real shirt, not my wife-beater you see me in everyday. If the 'do is no good how 'bout some nice tints?
Heck-fire, I trust ya. You got carte blanche on my whole head. And if you have a Personal Fashion Advisor, roll that babe out here.
-Rue.
…or Salon du Babouin Des Mauvaises Nouvelles.
From Down and Out in Beverly Hills:
“You have the look of a vagabond, très chic.”
Just a little off the top please, or just straight to the warm lathery cream on the back of my neck, please.
oh dear. where is my mind? I did not read the N in tints. doh!
poor Babouin is all flustered. she must sit and sip a lovely mint Julep now.
and ponder your hairdo.
it will be a lovely one.
send me a photo of you, si’l vous plait. and I can show you my handy work.
Salon du Babouin des mauvaises nouvelles.
“Babouin” is masculine, “nouvelles” is feminine, and “mauvais” is one of the adjectives that goes before the noun.
So do me, Eunoia, and StephenG all get free manicures/pedicures? I could use 'em; all the pinko nail-biting and protest-marching is havoc on the cuticles.
Ah, je remarque que ledit babouin est en fait une gentille madame. Alors, on pourrait dire plutot Salon de la babouine, et caetera.
Well, I don’t allow scissors to touch my hair anymore, but sign me up for some of that Russian “hand treatment”…
(BTW, what kind of name is “Helga” for a Russian woman anyways? Shouldn’t it be Katya or Irina or something?)
And, if this really is a spa, shouldn’t there be massage treatments? That’s what I really need…
oui! c’est ca!
(hands you a coupon for a years worth of special hand jobs by Helga herself)
Alors, mes petites, the sign has already been made. It will have to stay in bad french grammar.
well, M Hopper, Helga is booked solid (her mom named her after the wife of Hagar the horrible. she was a HUGE fan of that comic)
however, I have a Cuban lovely named Conchita I can book you with…
Yowza! Sign me up!
:Latin women…drool…:
If you’re going to get all tanked on Bourbon before you start on my hair, maybe you should leave the “N” out of tints. Just a thought.
And I leave my head in your capable hands.
(Sorry, I can’t send a picture. Federal Witness Protection… I’ve said too much.)
-Rue.
Oooh. Me too, me too! Other than my sis and bro, this is the first sign of someone from my hometown. Bad News Baboon, I tried to email you but couldn’t. 
Would you email me, please?
dob
Rue, baby,
hick
please tilt your head over to the left so I can finish my masterwork.
hick
buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
hick
um, Rue, baby,I’m gonna stick you under the hair dryer for a moment, k?