I’m guessing it’s because that’s where he keeps his brain.
Not enough drunk! Want beer.
Yeah, I thought fat people were all jolly, like Santa and Burl Ives.
Also, I believe Crisco Bandit would be cool.
In high school that’s what we called the fat people - Crisco.
As in: Fat in the Can?
WE thought it was funny.
You know what all that beer will do to your butt . . . oops, too late!
Poor Bandit! His BMI score
Says “lardbutt” – the horror! What’s more
samclem moved his thread!
Now Smiling sees red
And Pits the damn mod. But before
The OP’s minim opus can find
Any Dopers of similar mind
Comes the cry, not of “Cite?”
But of “Link, please,” or slight-
Ly more forceful demands that he find
It within him to show us the thread
Where the rage that impels him was bred.
All the while, people point
At him, laugh, and anoint
This the stupidest Pitting for a heckuva long time, absolutely worthless for samclem in the moderator Pitstakes, revelatory of an exceedingly thin skin covering said lardbutt, and evocative of lame doggerel desperately in search of a rhyme that scans in order to put the whole mess to bed.
Your thread was asking for a goddamn factual question.
Read that sentence carefully.
Perhaps you should have phrased the OP in the form of a question.
Samclem secretly believes that he is Art Fleming, if that helps.
Whatever happened to those new rules about not insulting the mods?
There’s never a cop around when you need one.
Nice one, ETF! If you really want a last line that scans (and I think it’s funnier the way it is), how about
“This the stupidest post ever read.”
Thank you.
Or, slightly altering your excellent suggestion:
“It’s the stupidest thread ever read.”
'Cept don’t you need a direct object for “anoint”? [stickle stickle]
Yeh, they’re anointing the thread for stupidest they ever read.
Why are we wandering down this byway? Shouldn’t we instead be engaging in probing analysis of the cogent theorem proposed by the OP?
ETA: Okay, I went back and reread the last stanza, and you’re right. My bad. “This” it should be.
slinks away, tail between legs
They’re still in the chicken little phase.
[Moderating]Right now the only rule is:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=365973
As far as I can tell, **Smiling Bandit ** did that, *in the other thread * and SkipMagic warned him in the other thread. I’ve got no problem with his OP from a moderation standpoint. It expresses a rant, which is what we do here.
Gfactor
Pit Moderator
[/moderating]
As a lover of great invective and vituperation I’m disappointed, but the workshop isn’t until next month. There’s still hope.
Ok threadsters, show of hands: how many want to go back to analyzing the OP instead of EddyTeddyFreddy’s limericks?
Yeah, I didn’t think so. Keep 'em coming, ETF. 
I used to kind of like limericks, but somehow, a few years back, I started to really hate them. Can’t recall why, exactly…
I beg to differ. I opened a most retarded thread, Ack the Martian, and it was summarily closed. Of course, I’d already been destroyed by a Slim Whitman song, but still.
Eh, luci, I date your dismay
To the onset of bad poesy
From a lover of cats
With a belfry of bats
And a penchant for blith’ring away.
“Some threads are too silly to live,”
SkipMagic said, putting the shiv
To Liberal’s descent
Into Martian intent
With Slim’s lethal recitative.
So now, why has elucidator
Become such a limerick hater?
Perhaps, in his mind,
We somewhere will find
A wee Freudian indicator.
Mr Bus Guy: how about Crisco Bandito?
Perhaps not. Our Hispanic friends might object to that as they did to the Frito Bandito.