Ever since the first laws allowing same-sex marriage were passed, humanity has been on the decline, and Pope Benedict isn’t just going to sit back and be all accepting and shit.
It’s always the damned gays! It’s stuff like a guy named Robert marrying another guy named Robert that dooms us all.
You’re so selfish, gay people. Everyone knows that only heterosexual marriage can save us, which is why the pope is getting married tomorrow.
Pope give us any idea how long we have before all the humans are gone? And did he offer any viable reason why we matter?
“Man who has never been married, wears dresses and funny hats decries gay marriage. Film at 11”
Gay marriage is a threat to humanity?
Good.
We’ve been at the top of the food chain too long. There are too many of us. We don’t appreciate what we’ve got.
Short of an alien invasion, this is the best thing that could happen to us.
“Confirmed bachelor in gaudy housecoat decries marriage. Film at 11.”
And here’s why.
Look, obviously the only reason gays and lesbians marry people of their own sex is because they can. If we outlaw gay marriage, there won’t be any more homosexuals, and there won’t be any more threats to heterosexual marriage. Simple logic, folks!
I have come to realize that opponents to gay marriage and homophobes in particular hold the completely bizarre notion that gay sex is so HOT! and gay marriage so mind blowing amazing that if gay marriage is legally recognized all the so called heterosexuals will no longer be able to resist, their sham straight marriages will crumble overnight as the entire world drops the act and every single adult on earth comes out of the closet!
Which is probably closely related to the high proportion of serious homophobes who turn out to be closeted and gay or bi.
It’s kind of strange that gays, often stereotypically depicted as weak and effeminate, have so much influence over the fate of mankind. We should find a way to harness this power.
I remember a joke from years ago about some then-recent official Catholic denunciation of birth control. The punch line has an ordinary Italian saying “He no play-a de game; he no make-a de rules!”
Seems to apply here just as well.
He’s got a lot of nerve, being the head of a worldwide child-molesting organization.
According to Peter Sipring’s book Outrage, there are very few gay people and most of them don’t want to get married, but if they are allowed to legally get married, marriage will be destroyed.
Which may well be the source of his concern – that legalizing gay marriage may lead to fewer children being available for molesting. The fact that the human population continues to grow is a fact, however the one of the things about religion is the institutionalized ability to ignore facts.
I always love to read about the Rube Goldbergian logic that homophobes use to connect gays to the apocalypse.
“So if the gays get on TV, then children will see them, and think them normal, and then the children will turn gay…???..apocalypse!”
I have to admit, they have a point there.
To illustrate how ghastly Sipring’s book is: One of the “ideas” in the book is that most gays are child molesters. And how does he come to that conclusion. Because a study done with jailed child molesters showed that most of them self-identified as being gay or bisexual!!!
And I bet many of the straight men in prison for domestic violence, even to the point of killing their wives, self-identify as “good husbands.”
There was an astounding article on beliefnet.com last year where one David Klinghoffer seriously extrapolated that gay marriage would hurt women for basically this reason. He said there would be a real shortage of men who would want to get married to women because once the gays started getting married, young men would look around at the mind-boggling bounty of choices (relationship choices, that is) and say, why should we get married to women any more - when ANYTHING goes now? Somehow this would be those evil gays fault. I still don’t get it, myself.
And there was also a lot of irrelevant nonsense about ancient Rome. The comments section was some of the most entertaining reading I’ve ever had.
Does anyone know a person who “decided” to be gay? I have gay friends who tried to be straight and married opposite sex partners (it didn’t work in any of the cases I personally know). I have gay friends who simply didn’t have any kind of relationship, especially in college. I don’t know a single hetero person who woke up one morning and decided they were now homosexual. I just don’t think it works that way.
I’m not talking about people who always had homosexual inclinations and hid them, I’m tallking about people who had previously been happily heterosexual.
Sadly, giving someone a pointy hat doesn’t give them a basic grasp of logic. His celebacy doesn’t seem to understand that Robert and Roy’s relationship doesn’t have any impact on Barbie and Ken’s.