- Everyone will go gay.
- Gays Have an Equal Right to Marry the Opposite Sex
- Marriage Is for Making Babies
- Adoption Is a “Second Best” Option
- Gay Marriages Aren’t Real Marriages, Because They Can’t Be Consummated
- Same-Sex Marriages Are Gender Exclusive & Discriminatory Against the Opposite Sex
- Same-Sex Marriage Might Lead to Same-Sex Conception
Those don’t even pretend to make sense. What the fuck??
I’d toss in *"but it changes the definition of the word, which is horrible!", *and “it’ll lead to pedophilia and bestiality and people marrying inanimate objects!”
Hooo-boy. There are just levels and levels of stupidity to those arguments.
It’s like some people sat around drinking one night and decided to play a game of who could come up with the stupidest idea.
“Okay, okay, okay, I got it. If you legalize gay marriage it’ll make straight people turn gay!”
“Easy one to beat. Gay people are allowed to get married - but not to other gay people!”
“I can top that! Gay people can’t get married because they can’t have sex!”
“Dude, that’s not true. I was watching this video of these two chicks and they were totally having sex.”
“Don’t try to change the subject. Can you beat it?”
“Okay, gay marriages discriminate against straight people!”
“Oh yeah? How about gay people can’t get married because they can’t have babies?”
“Okay, how about gay people can’t get married because they will have babies?”
“What? That’s cheating! It doesn’t even make sense!”
“It doesn’t have to make sense. The rules just say it has to be stupid. So can you beat it with something stupider?”
“Ummm…gay people can’t get married because…ummm…because…FUCK!”
“I win! I am the Master of Stupid!”
My personal favorite - it deprives children of their natural right to have both a mother and a father. It’s just stupid on so many levels.
That’s my favorite. I’m totally going to start using that.
Similar to, “Everyone will go gay,” is, “They will force everyone into a gay marriage.” It makes no sense, but I have a cousin who apparently believes it. It makes me wonder about him.
There’s a sub-argument to #5 that I particularly love, when it’s pointed out that infertile couples are allowed to wed: “There’s a chance that God could make a miracle and have the woman get pregnant!” If God can miracle up a fetus in a woman who doesn’t have a uterus, he can do the same to a gay dude, too.
How about the one that that Congresswoman just came up with a couple of weeks ago, about how straight people will gay marry their straight friends for healthcare and other benefits? That has to be one of the stupidest/strangest. I’m totally picturing two 70 year-old guys straight grandfathers sitting around, “Hey, Bob… your military benefits sound awesome! I was thinkin’… we should get married!”
#8. “If they allow gay marriages, won’t that threaten my normal marriage?”
#9. Slippery Slope - If they allow gay marriages, next they’ll legalize polygamy and then bestiality.
I believe there’s precedence for miracling one up for a gal who has never had sex with a guy at least.
That makes sense. It should also be illegal to stay unmarried, because then the person would have to clone him/herself to reproduce, and cloning is bad.
Great username/OP title-subject matter/post combo.
And long before that, there was a miraculous precedent of the wife having her first child at age 95 (Gen. 17-18.)
I know that I’m happy that gay marriage isn’t legal, or I’d have no choice but to become the he-wife of a strapping and very large gentleman named Bubba Ray.
Obama will force me to do it, and I can’t say no, under Obama’s new atheist muslim socialist theocracy.
It is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics, which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature.
This one speaks volumes about the marriages of the people who say it (if they’re married).
It’s curious how the argument has been exactly reversed from that used by those opposing interracial marriage. Then, the argument was that nobody was being oppressed, since black people could marry their own race, and so could white people.
Several states still have laws that reflect this ideology as a justification for regulating marriage.
Illinois’ prohibited marriage law ((750 ILCS 5/212) (from Ch. 40, par. 212)) is a good example. Cousin marriage is prohibited unless both parties are over age 50 or one of the parties provides proof of permanent and irreversible sterility.
Which is dumb as toast law anyway.
They can have sex and have kids without being married. So this law prevents precisely zero inbred children from being born.