Satan's cigarrette meter

The BBQ Pit
61

I think you’re a good kid, Freak, with the best intentions. You DO fly off the handle sometimes, but so do I. I guess we both need some Zen in our lives… “Master your handle!” :slight_smile:

Anyway, MadSam does not reply to questions. Meaningful discussion is not in that posters repertoire, nor is clarifying what he means, or even doing anything more than cryptic drive-by dissings of me within his capabilities.

But, he did make it where peole are talking about him. I guess some people need the attention. :rolleyes:

As for you Ceejaytee, you can talk about me any time you want! :smiley:

Yer pal,
Satan

[sub]I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Four months, two weeks, two days, 15 hours, 53 minutes and 30 seconds.
5546 cigarettes not smoked, saving $693.31.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 2 weeks, 5 days, 6 hours, 10 minutes.[/sub]

"Satan is not an unattractive person."-Drain Bead
[sub]Thanks for the ringing endorsement, honey![/sub]

62

Could we please drag this thread back to the nice piece of original artwork I spat out for a laugh (which never came)?

I refer, of course, to the “AstroGlide Discussion” which occured so long ago that one has to click back to the first page in order to read it.

Go ahead… we’ll wait.

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As you see there, when Scylla suggested that Satan would probably not be able to continue procreating “up to snuff” in terms of quantity, DrainBead said,

Satan then responded chivalrously,

**

Which prompted DrainBead’s lament:
**

Now, that was an entertaining exchange, but here comes the important part. douglips, not reading DrainBead’s last post, posted:

**

at 08-23-2000 04:36 PM.

Then, at 08-23-2000 04:57 PM, only 21 minutes later, I posted:
**

Don’t you see? That’s a picture of Satan getting… uhh… visited from behind. Didn’t anyone get that?

Come on! Where are the LOL’s? Where are the ROTFLMAO’s? Where are the congratulations and adoring emails? Where are the lauding crowds and chaotic, cheering hordes who come to bear me on their shoulders as they herald my name?

Where?

I mean… it’s not easy to download a smiley, open it in Paint, change the color and add horns…

OK, I guess it is easy. I mean, hell, it only took me 20 minutes, right?

Never mind.
BTW, Satan] I like the meter… it’s kinda cool. Do you have to C&P for every post you post?

63

LOL.

ROTFLMAO.

Congratulations and adoring emails.

From Stage Left, lauding crowds and chaotic, cheering hordes who come to bear you on their shoulders as they herald your name can be seen preparing your throne

And now . . . lauding crowds and chaotic, cheering hordes!

64

Allriiiiight!!

:smiley:

65

I SWEAR I didn’t put him up to this.

[sub]Remember, Ceejaytee, we’re in this 70-30…[/sub]

66

So I should be seeing you pretty soon then, eh? Oh well, I’ve heard the tourist season in heaven sucks anyway.

All kidding aside, what I actually meant to say was that your opinion of me couldn’t be as high as my opinion of you. I’m not gettin’ all down on myself, I know I’m the shit.

67

Oh, and sdimbert, I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t get the joke until you clarified it. Oh well.

68

Dear Satan: I didn’t intend to hurt your feelings to the extent that it did. I thought this was the Bar-B-Q pit and a little sarcasm or schticks were acceptable. My only comment was that you seem to be quite “I” oriented. I don’t know you from Adam…I have no doubt that you are a thoughtful, active, kind, informative individual who has made this message board a home away from home. I have not had the opportunities to visit as much as you because of time limits. Please don’t take anything I say that seriously. I deliberately used I and My also to show you that I am not mean-spirited. Have a happy life and I shall avoid “attacking” you again. You are welcome to come back at me one more time if you like and have the last word.
Meanwhile, don’t start smoking again!

69

Satan said:

I would like to state that while I have followed this thread with some amusement, I haven’t cared so I haven’t posted…Ahhhhh SHIT! Nevermind.

grem

70

Huh? Duh? WTF?

I know it was an apology or clarification of some kind, but beyond that I didn’t understand ANYTHING you just said. Nothing personal, of course. But you left me a bit bewildered.

71

**

Well, sure they are! But I don’t know you. And as I said, this is the third time this person whom I never communicated with bouced into a thread and said something negative about me. Once could be a fluke. Twice could be a coincidence. But three times is a trend!

**

Well, see, I don’t know these things. Imagine me and a bunch of friends sitting in the cafeteria. And this person comes by a few times, makes a snide reference towards someone at the table, and leaves. This is the only interaction you have with this person. How on earth are you to know his or her intentions?

And for the record, I realize not everyone will like me. A few people here don’t. They pretty much ignore me, and that’s fine. I try and respond in kind to those I don’t like. Oh, I used to be full of bluster towards “sworn enemies,” but I’m a kinder, gentler Satan now. And if you diss me, I will defend myself. Hence my response to you.

Anyway, no hard feelings. Hope to see you around the boards some more.

**

Well, I would never want to get the last…

:wink:

Yer pal,
Satan

[sub]I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Four months, two weeks, two days, 17 hours, 22 minutes and 3 seconds.
5548 cigarettes not smoked, saving $693.62.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 2 weeks, 5 days, 6 hours, 20 minutes.[/sub]

"Satan is not an unattractive person."-Drain Bead
[sub]Thanks for the ringing endorsement, honey![/sub]

72

In Satan’s presence, nothing is holy. Except for holy shit, of course.

73

good morning friends,

i know i am entering this discussion late, but quietly lurking is a difficult habit to break. (possibly, friend satan could teach me to meter it…)

for those of you who have never quit, overcoming an addiction to nicotine is no small accomplishment. friend satan has used his meter as an incentive to keep himself on task. for my first few weeks as a non smoker, i met every overwhelming urge to smoke with figuring out how many seconds it had been since my last cigarette.

i smoked for 35 years. at the end, i was smoking three packs a day. i am not sure how friend satan’s meter works, but i will give it a try. i smoked my last cigarette at 11:30 pm, november 30, 1998.

it has been 634 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes, and 55 seconds since i smoked my last cigarette.

number of cigarettes not smoked: 38,060
money saved (average price $2.75 a pack): $5,232.75

life saved (10 minutes a cigarette): 264 days, 7 hours, 20 minutes.

meter on, satan my friend, and keep up the effort.

74

Download your own meter here.

75

friend drain beard,

thanks for the link! i was doing the calculations manually.

76

Point taken and (partially) granted. Reading quickly, and while tired, I flashed your “Franco Amish” comment as a mind-bending blend of slimy pasta in pink sauce with a dollop of hearty chicken stew or something. (It was a relief to re-read that one!)

But Sgt. Veb of the Thought Police? Yeah, okay, I had a Peevish Moment. Loathing political correctness in all its noxious forms, that whoosh was a bit close to my hairline.

:::inserts tongue firmly into cheek:::

If I were the Thought Police you’d be serving a life sentence in a dank, roach-infested prison with no toilet and sadistic guards on each shift. But having having read your posts here and in the “abuse the French” thread it’s dawned on me that you’re mostly guilty of being an agent provocateur with an sideways sense of mischief.

Besides, Major Veb sounds so much better.

Veb

77

I originally posted:

Drain replied:

Damn. I thought my user name was so obviously female. Oh well. How many males would insist Satan spend the money on his honey anyway? They would probably suggest he spend it on something men like, like … uh … well, women, I guess.

Drain Bead continued:

How about 60-40? It’s a good deal. You get to keep Satan too. But can I have visitation rights? I’ll treat him well.

78

Now he’s got women fighting over him?
:rolleyes:

Great. This is going to do a lot for his ego.

Lynn, could you remove this post before Satan sees it, please? Hopefully he hasn’t seen it yet… it takes him a few minutes to fit his head through the door and get in here…

79

Oh, it’s his head that doesn’t fit through the door? I thought it was something else. :wink:

80

It’s his head…sure…just not the one on top.