All rules of thumb, including this one, are true 4 out of 5 times.
Blue was old
That’s what old people do.
They Die.
When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. And outlaws are COOL!
I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
I know you are, but what am I?
Might makes right. So do three lefts.
Stop messing about with that bow and arrow, you’ll have someones eye out.
Indians? what Indians?
It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.
It’s smarter to be lucky than it’s lucky to be smart.
Sometimes too much is just barely enough.
Never play cards with a man named “Doc,” eat at a place called “Mom’s,” or sleep with a woman with more problems than you.
I wouldn’t piss in his mouth if his stomach was on fire.
But I would if it wasn’t
Good booze, beautiful cars, fast women.
Don’t sweat the petty things,
and don’t pet the sweaty things.
Take off and nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
Just think - at this very moment you’re closer to death than you’ve ever been. And now you’re even closer.
Never pet a burning duck.
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
Its always darkest before it goes pitch black.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Live each day as if it is your last - one of them will be.
It’s nice to be nice.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with your fist.
A good friend will bail you out of jail, your best friend will be there beside you saying " That was f*cking awesome, dude."
They told me to cheer up, 'cause things could be worse. So I cheered up. And things got worse.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.
(after misstee) Friends help you move. Good friends help you move bodies.
I’m not suffering from insanity. I’m enjoying every minute of it.
I haven’t lost my mind. It’s backed up on CD. Somewhere…
No, no, no. It’s:
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.
Virtue is its own punishment and vice its own reward.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t teach an old dog to make a silk purse out of a pig in a poke.