Yep, although I must admit I have given and will continue to give a lot of though about the problems inherent to the task of having to make such an informed and weighty decision as your mind is losing its capacity to perform that very kind of cerebral function.
But no way I’m putting my family through that novel of hell.
I’d check out if I had the faculties to pull it off, and I’ve had The Talk with my husband and son, as well. I can’t imagine a more hideous way to burden my family.
I don’t think there’s anyone in my world that thinks euthanasia ISN’T the way to go in these situations. Is there anyone here who would NOT do it, if it were legal?
The problem, as voiced on an episode of ER some years ago, in a story arc involving Alan Alda, whose character was suffering from AD (paraphrasing): “I’ve considered suicide. But if I do it too soon, I’ll miss out on what time I have. If I wait too late, I won’t be able to.”
Catholics, maybe? The Church’s position seems to be that God did this to you, so you’ll take it and like it.
Just wanna say, if hubby and son are unavailable, give me a call. I’ll keep a basball bat in my car. Just trying to help! 
My grandfather was just put into an Alheimer’s ward this past year.
I will say that the first few years after diagnosis were more difficult because he was aware of what was happening and his own ability to stop it. He would be near tears (hard to see in a strong, grown man), complaining, “I’m losing my mind and I can’t do a damned thing about it.” You could read the fear and desperation on his face.
It’s been slightly easier in some respects since the lucid days have gone. Now he makes his own reality from moment to moment, and doesn’t mourn what he no longer realizes he’s lost. He has decided that his wife didn’t die five years ago. He thinks they’ve divorced, and he’s tickled pink about it. He has forgotten losing his oldest daughter three years ago to asthma. Most of the time he thinks he’s on vacation, and complains that his hotel is full of “old people.” And the stuipd watch they make him wear doesn’t even tell the time. (it’s a monitoring bracelet)
On the other hand it is harder now for his children. He doesn’t know them. They felt guilty about hospitalizing him, but they had to for his own safety. He had been living in his home of 50 years with his youngest daughter caring for him. He started asking when he could go home. They were afraid he would wander.
He’s not a burden on his family. His finances were planned well such that his care is covered. But he is as lost to us as if he had died years ago. The only “burden” is the feeling of being obligated to visit a stranger that used to be my grandfather. We still do, because we can’t help feeling that somewhere, locked inside what’s left of his mind, he knows we’re there and we still love him.
Yeah, Alzheimer’s sucks.
That’s the mixed blessing of Jim’s grandpa’s Alzheimer’s; he already has a bad heart, so he probably won’t linger with his mind gone. I’m hoping he will be spared that indignity (there needs to be a stronger word than “indignity” for what Alzheimer’s does to adults who have looked after themselves and others and contributed to the world for so long).
My maternal grandfather died with Alzheimer’s when I was very young. Back then (early 70’s) they called it hardening of the arteries but the symptoms were classic Az. I’ll spare you the details but yes it was bad. My mom called his death a few days before Christmas the best gift the family could have gotten.
Now she worries about AZ every time she forgets anything. We had this conversation over dinner about ten years ago. Me “So and so was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last week” Mom “It is the cruelest way to die. It was horrible watching my father go through that. I hope if I’m ever diagnosed with it that I have enough of my mind left to go out and buy a gun and blow whatever is left of my brains out. That will at least spare you guys having to deal with it. Pass the potato salad sweetie” Me…. “Uh… okay”
My Grandfather always said if it happened to him he would shoot himself.
It happened to him. He didn’t shoot himself, as far as he was concerned, everyone else was nuts. It took years for him to die. Healthy as a horse and damn near brain dead for all the good his brain had left.
No one would have been more horrified than him. Unless my Grandmother wanted to go to jail for murder, what could she do? A lifetime of not wanting to be a burden to his family or lose his mind did not do him a damn bit of good. Even his DNR was ignored at one point.
At least I was able to put down my dog when she was suffering.
Deal! But I’m thinking more along the lines of an oxy overdose or the ever-popular pillow over the face.
My maternal grandmother is going through a similar situation. She has Parkinson’s instead of Az. She’s losing control and she’s terrified. It’s sad to see that she’s so aware of what’s happening to her. She’s currently hospitalized but will be released to a nursing home soon. None of my aunts or uncles or my mother are able to care for her. She’s no longer able to walk unassisted and she’s starting to have difficulty swallowing. Heartbreaking doesn’t even begin to accurately sum it up.
The doctor told my mother last week to watch out that it will happen to her soon too. My Mother is disabled and already suffers from depression. Having a doctor tell her something like that has scared the hell out of her. I’d like to ring his neck. I only hope that he’s handled my grandmother with more care and respect than that.
It has been very sad for the entire family, she’s suffering and there’s nothing we can do other than pray for a quick ending.
Excellent post and username combination. 
My sister had a sudden Lupus flare-up a few years back. Her kidneys, lungs, and intestines were involved, she was in ICU for a month. Lots of blood transfusions and drama.
She fought her way through but afterwards she had this complete sense of well-being but was oblivious to the details of what she was doing. She tried to cook meat with bleach. She would not sleep at night and would sit and scribble nonsense on paper, she said she was writing recipes. Stuff like that. This is a girl in her 20’s that was a straight-A student and a college graduate. At first we thought she had physical brain damage. Luckily they found that one of the medications she was on was what was doing it, she got better pretty quickly after she stopped taking the medication. Methylprednisone or something, don’t quote me.
Anyway it was an extremely difficult year, all the able family members had to work and it was really scary leaving her alone while she was out of her mind. Me being the closest family member to her, all I could picture was me having to take care of her the rest of my life and all the potential she lost. I’ve really appreciated her return to good health (for her and me) every day since then.
I’m not sure this is a fair summation of the Church’s position. It’s more like the sanctity of life is so important that it is beyond our hands to make life-or-death decisions based on what we think is an acceptable quality of life. Further, making such decisions based on what we think the affected person may want may indeed not be what now, in their incapacitated state, he or she may want. “Kill me” is an easy thing to say when your life is not endangered. When someone’s coming at you with a pillow or some pills, you might change your mind (as to what mind is left, you’re not a doctor, how can you decide?).
That was so much more diplomatic than I was going to be!
My grandmother suffered from dementia from encephalitis, a condition that can affect a person at any age. Essentially an infection caused inflammation that damaged her brain. She didn’t remember us, but generally appeared to remain pleasant and cheerful for several years. This may have been one of the cases that was harder on the family than on the person.
My mom saw a morning tv show ( with a bunch of doctor’s on it as a regular program. I don’t watch Daytime tv at all.) and there was a bit about childhood alzheimer’s and how the couple had twin girls, about2 or 3 ish (can’t remember) who had this disease.
I’ve had nightmares just thinking about that family.
My paternal grandmother died of Alzheimer’s. My father probably had it as well. But he got lucky and died of multiple organ failure before the Alzheimer’s got too advanced.
I wanted several times to sit him down, explain what was happening, get the family together for a nice meal at his favorite restaurant and then have him commit suicide. Mom and my sister out voted me. I thank G-d he died before it got too bad. Dad had originally wanted to kill himself rather than suffer through Alzheimer’s. He changed his mind when the family’s financial situation declined and we needed his federal pension. He went from having long talks about how we should kill him if he was ever diagnosed with Alzheimer’s to ‘keep my mindless husk alive on machines as long as possible so you can continue to collect my pension’. He had many failings, but a thing like that makes you think you’ve chosen the right man to idolize.
Oh, dear God! That is too tragic for words! 