I’ve posted a couple of threads about my dad’s health issues over the last couple of years. First he had prostate cancer and it seemed like he made a full recovery. Later he was diagnosed with some form of cancer near but apparently not of the pancreas. He had part of his pancreas, stomach and small intestine removed, radiation, chemo, etc. and the doctors thought they got it all. It’s been back for a while now and it’s inoperable. They’ve done some additional radiation and chemo but it’s a matter of time. A year, two at the most, was the prognosis and that was about six months ago. He has a lot of pain, to the point where he’s had to have a nerve block in his back. My brother called tonight. Mom called him (didn’t have my number handy) because Dad’s in the hospital because he overdosed on morphine. I’m assuming it was unintentional, but the idea that he had to take so much that he put himself in jeopardy is, to say the least, disheartening. His legs are severely swollen and the doctors had to do something to filter the excess morphine out of his system. My brother called back to let me know that Dad’s out of danger but will be in the hospital at least overnight.
My mother’s been a wreck for well over a year. Her health isn’t that great either and this is probably literally taking years off her life. The latest thing is that she’s been suffering with shingles (obviously stress-related) for months.
As devastating as his death would be on the family, every time I hear about another issue with his health or my mother’s health, a little bit more of me wishes he’d just get it over with and die already.
When my mother was dying from liver cancer, what she went through was so gross and dehumanizing and painful for her that we wished she would just hurry up and die so she’d be out of her misery. When she did die, we were more relieved for her than sad for us, because she did some kinda suffering. I’m sorry you have to go through it, too.
I can sympathize. I’ve been looking after my mum for some time now, and her quality of life is at just about zero. Every time her downstairs neighbor calls me to say that she hasn’t heard any movement up there for a while, I’m terrified – and I’m terrified when she’s in crisis – but then I think “God, what if she hangs on like this for years?” and I’m terrified, too. I guess you know how thinking like that makes you feel.
I’m sorry you’re having to go through this - it is a horrible feeling to watch a loved one suffer and know there is nothing you can do about it. My mother spent six months in a nursing home after she had a stroke, and it was miserable for both of us. When she finally passed away, I was so relieved - and felt like a total bitch and a rotten daughter because I felt relieved. It took me years to get right with myself - I wasn’t glad my mother was dead, I was glad my mother was no longer in pain.
We treat our pets better than we treat terminally ill people. I wish it could be different.
Rigamarole, I can only assume that you either have never had someone close to you die after a prolonged illness or you had a very different reaction to it than most people.
Otto, it’s good that you can be honest with yourself about your feelings. So many of us understand. I hope that all of you are released from this misery soon. Peace be with all of you.
It’s terrible watching a close family member suffer, and knowing it isn’t going to get better. You not the first person to feel this way, and tragically you won’t be the last.
Hang in there, Otto. When my grandmother got cancer I felt much the same way. Her last days were not exactly a walk in the park and every day she lived was just more suffering for her and everyone around her. It’s hardly selfish to wish for it to be over.
Been there…done that. It makes me crazy that we’d put an animal out of it’s misery but we don’t allow clear-thinking adults to make the same decision for themselves. Wishing you and your family peace.
Otto, have you and your Dad had a heart to heart talk about what actions he wants taken? You know, DNR’s and the like? No one enjoys a converstaion like that but you need to know what he wants done if there is another hospitalization.
I know how you feel Otto. When Death came for my dad, he came as a friend. I keep saying that when my time comes, I’m gonna take myself out of the game.
I think of my father’s death as his “3 year long suicide”.
He spent 40 years joking that “if it was true that every cigarrette shaves 5 min off your lifespan, I’d be dead”. A look at his family tree will show that in the 4 generations prior, every male died either
of cancer at 65,
of a bullet in some war,
or of ancient age.
The ones who’d died of cancer at 65 happened to be the ones who looked like my dad.
Cause of death, lung cancer. Age, 60. He was declared cured twice. It was hell for Mom and for me. Less hell for the bros, who managed to stay away from all the caretaking. And yes, there were many times I’d wish things would just finish. Apparently an aneurism he had did us all a favor: if he hadn’t had the aneurism, he could have lasted another year. Of hell.
I’d like to leave my going to Hell until I’m dead, please.
I know just how you feel: you don’t want him to die, you want him to get better. But he’s not going to get better.
My Mom has been dying by inches for three years, and now I am being forced to make a choice: 1) Keep the 24/7 private-duty nurses with her and, according to her broker, she will be out of money in two years and will have to go into a state-run nursing home; or, 2) discontinue the 24/7 private-duty nurses and rely on the overworked staff of her assisted-living home, and she will fall and break a hip within a month.
I’m so sorry. A friend is burying her husband today. He died from lung cancer that spread into his brain. She feels sad he is gone, but mostly relieved.
Much like my grandmother felt after watching my grandfather die for 8 years. It is agonizing. I am so sorry.
I understand completely. My late husband had congestive heart failure for 6 years before he died. Don’t feel guilty (I know - easier said than done) for feeling the way you feel.
I can relate. My grandmother is in decidely less than great and continuting to decline physical health, and somewhat worse mental health. She is recieving appropriate professional care. If anyone worries that the money to pay for such care is not unlimited, they haven’t mentioned it to me. Still, little as I am prepared to attend her funeral and know that she’s just not there anymore, it would be kind of a relief.
Certainly the family was much luckier when Grandpa dropped dead of a sudden, unexpected heart attack.