I found out tonight that these seven words can rouse my wife from a dead sleep to standing at the doorway in but a few scant seconds “There’s a centipede in bed, get up!” I wonder if she would have moved quicker had I yelled spider?
I was blissfully slumbering when I awoke to a sharp pain on my right ring finger. Inbetween that special moment of not quite being awake and not quite being asleep I thought something had brushed against my hand. The pain wasn’t much and I was very sleepy and managed to convince myself that it was just a dream. As I began to return to the land of sleepy time I was most definately sure that something was crawling down my leg. A quick brushing aside of the loathsome insect with my hand confirmed that there was indeed something in bed with me though at this point I had no idea what.
Being the nice guy I am I recovered my flashlight in an attempt to catch the beast without waking my wife. After flicking on the flashlight and seeing the horrible brute that struck me in the night I uttered those seven words to my wife. I’m safe now and the centipede is resting comfortably in a solution of alcohol in the bathroom. Man 1, Centipede 0.
On the other hand I’m suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome and I’m not feeling like going to bed right now. The little bump on my finger indicating where I was so visciously attacked is no longer there and the pain is gone. I’m guessing that means it wasn’t poisonous or it didn’t feel like using any venom on me. I’m relieved amputation was not necessary like I had originally thought.
Anyone else ever wake up with something scary in bed? No, bad dates don’t count.
Found a spider in my bed two nights ago. Not very big or particularly alarming, but I’ve never been much good at classifying the harmless ones from the ones that could, you know, kill you in your sleep.
Ergo, I had to assume it was on a Mission Of Death.
And even after I killed it, like you mentioned, it makes the whole concept of relaxing in bed sound kind of foreign for awhile. And any tiny sensation, even if it’s your own hair, is cause for a frantic search.
Damn spiders. Stay in the corners where you belong!
I live in a basement studio apartment in the lovely Pacific NW of the US. It’s pretty damp here.
When I first moved in, I discovered several slugs in my kitchen and bathroom. Called the landlord and they came and and did some sealing, and problem was (seemingly) solved.
A couple of weeks ago I was chatting on the phone with my aunt and I noticed the unmistakable slimy trail. Coming from the wall that the head of my bed is next to. It was a whole bunch of slime, too.
I followed it with my eyes, and lifted the underside of the futon (which is on the floor) to see that my little guest had indeed crawled up on my sheets.
So, he wasn’t actually on the sleeping surface of the bed, but was technically on it.
shudder
Oh well, I’m way less scared of slugs than of mice. They move slowly, and don’t bite so much.
When I was living in my crummy grad school apartment, wasps used to get inside somehow. I was taking a nap one afternoon and was awakened by a wasp stinging me on the foot. It had somehow gotten under the covers, I know not how.
[hijack] An old Playboy story back in the 60’s had a parody of the James Bond incident from (I believe) Dr. No where Bond had this tarantula or some other big hairy spider crawling on him in the bed all over his sweaty skin. Anyway, this character in Playboy was “Israel Bond” and after the story built up with all the sensations of something in his bed with him and a tugging at the covers, he awakes to find himself looking into the eyes of…
…a polar bear.
[/hijack]
Now and then I’ll jump out of bed and switch on the light and throw the covers off and look diligently for whatever it was that I either felt or dreamed I felt and rarely find anything of substance. Once I did find some weird bug, but nothing since. I’m just very jittery about stuff crawling on me.
My daughter claimed she was bitten by a Brown Recluse in her bed, but in more recent retellings she admits it may have been elsewhere. It was a spider bite, but maybe not as bad as the Recluse.
About a year ago, I woke in the middle of the night to feel something tangled between my ankles. It was long and cold. My toe brushed along its surface as I moved, which was slightly bumpy.
Oh my god, my mind screamed, there’s a snake in my bed!
I was afraid to move. I don’t know how long I lay there, my heart thundering, sweat on my brow. I finally summoned up my courage, figuring there aren’t many poisonous snakes in my area, and reached down to grab it. I flung it against the wall, and simultaneously realized that it was my husband’s belt.
That’s the closest I ever want to come to having something in my bed which shouldn’t be there.
Four times I have woken up with a scorpion in bed with me.
Once I was woken by one stinging me on my thumb. That will wake you up real quick! Twice I woke up after feeling something brush against my nose. Swatted them away but was stung on the side of my hand once.
Now I make sure no covers touch the floor and keep my shoes off the floor too. Nothing the exterminators do will stop them, but it does cut down on the quantity quite a bit. Now I only have about a dozen or so each spring and summer.
When I was a lot younger, I was asleep in bed with my foot sticking out from under the sheets. I felt something soft and tickly brush against my heel, and it felt like my cat’s whiskers. “Awww,” I thought. The cat rarely visited me in bed, and this time he was so quiet I never even felt him jump up. I thought maybe I could pat him or give him a hug, so I gently felt around behind me with my other foot. No cat. And there’s the tickling on my heel again.
I jumped awake, turned on the light, and found a cockroach sitting on my bedsheets, twiddling its very long antennae (that’s what was tickling my foot). It had to be at least two inches long, but probably bigger, this being a rainy summer night in Miami, Florida. I beat the bastard to death with a nearby textbook, but didn’t sleep well for the rest of the night.
And it’s not just things in the bed. No telling how many pockets I’ve ripped off shirts swatting away bugs of various descriptions. Wasps, spiders, anything I see out of the corner of my eye. I can’t seem to help it; I just react by swatting and jumping around. Must really look silly!
But having been stung multiple times by wasps as a little tyke, I have am aversion to little critters.
It’s a pet theory of mine that many (if not most) single-vehicle accidents (where alcohol is not involved) are caused by the driver trying to get rid of some intruding bug and losing control of the vehicle.
Wonder how many “died in their sleep” incidents have similar causes…
I tend to sleep nude. More comfy that way. Anyways, it was late at night, and I stumbled into my bedroom without switching the lights on. I stripped down, climbed into bed, and kicked the sheet out for more room around my feet. Now, I have an overactive imagination at the best of times. Middle of the night? Way, waaay too much. So when I felt the first ticklings, I dismissed it. The first bite I dismissed too. Then it was like ten bites at once and crawling all over my skin. GAAAAAH! I levitated out of bed and ran for the shower where I found fire ants all over me. I counted something over thirty bites. One of them was on my left nipple (ooowwwwww).
I went back into my bedroom but couldn’t find any ants on the sheets. I grabbed my flashlight and checked the floor - ants all over. I couldn’t find where they’d gotten in. I ended up sleeping on a foam mattress in the second room and the next day vacuuming everything in sight and washing my sheets. Next night was fine. The night after that, just as I was about to get into bed, I stopped. I pulled up the comforter and sheet and saw three or four ants in my bed. I pulled up just the comforter and found that an entire mound of ants had moved into the space between the sheet and the comforter. GAAAAAAAH!
I slept in the second bedroom again and the next morning told my landlord, who sent out the bug guy that day. Never had another problem.
In another thread, I mentioned Ernie, the Best Cat Ever. When we first got the lad, we lived in a three room hole in the wall adjacent to a carburetor shop. Our “other” tenants were what the Bus Lady cheerfully told me were “water bugs”. Big-ass, black asian cockroaches is what I think they actually were.
These monsters were the size of my foot, but thankfully stayed near sources of water: drains, toilets, sinks…
Unless it was late at night, and Ernie would go hunting in the dark.
And catch one of the critters.
And carry it, wiggling from being wounded, to our bed.
And drop it on the comforter, near our faces as if to say “look here at the wonderful and fun to play with gift I bring you”
And the award for “Creepiest Thing You’ve Found in Your Bed” goes to–well, it looks like a tie between stanger’s scorpions and bus guy’s giant bugs. But the scariest thing you could ever find in your bed is the thing from the Burger King commercial. If you don’t have a heart attack from the Ultimate Breakfast Sandwich, you’ll have one for sure when you wake up with the King!
I woke up next to Anna Nicole Smith one morning. Unfortunately, it was 2003-era Anna Nicole, but I swear she looked just like 1993-era Anna Nicole the night before!
Actually, those centipede-y assassin bugs trying to get under the covers with the girl at the beginning of The Attack of the Clones seem to capitalize on our bug-in-the-bed nightmare very efficiently.
The first was when a cat got locked in the bedroom after the wind blew the door shut. At some point, nature called. She pooped, messily, on the bed and then * thoughtfully covered it up with the sheet *. I found out about this the hard way...
The second was a dead bird that my first cat left on the foot of the bed. Theoretically, pretty nasty, but it was Mother's Day so even though I'm a guy, I was touched at the thought :-)
dang, and i was hoping i could cite mrAru…he rolled my car this afternoon on the way to work and was relatively injuryless…for rolling a car, but he does have a serious number of little black suture ends sticking out all over his left arm and hand…wrapped with a ton of gauze and tape and medical stuff so it is sort of like going to bed with the Mummy.
Stone fence 1:VW jetta 0 and I just finished paying it off :mad:
Well, I’ve woken up to a big spider on my pillow and a wasp down my nightgown. Those were less than pleasant, especially the wasp. Little bugger got me, too.
The best thing I’ve ever woken up to would probably give some of you screaming fits.
A few years ago, I went camping up in Chehalis with my husband and boys. Sometime in the middle of the night, I felt little paws scamper over my head.
“Wha? Aha, mouse!”
I grabbed my flashlight and shone it around the tent. Sure enough, there she was, perched on my son’s butt. A few minutes with a pillow case and she was neatly caged. (What? Of course I had a cage with me. You just never know! )
Now, just stop going “EEEEWWW!!!” for a minute and listen to the rest of it. I took her home, named her Fallow and got her mostly tamed. A couple of years later, the photographers at the zoo did a series of shots with her. Her credits?
Canadian Wildlife magazine for kids - back cover
Canadian Wildlife Calender - October
Mouse Family - children’s nature book - cover and several shots inside.
I couldn’t agree more. The “King” totally creeps me out. “Let’s dress up a man in the King’s clothes and make him wear a fake mask as he knocks on people’s bedroom windows.” What marketing executive that that was a good idea?
and was relatively injuryless…for rolling a car, but he does have a serious number of little black suture ends sticking out all over his left arm and hand…wrapped with a ton of gauze and tape and medical stuff so it is sort of like going to bed with the Mummy.
