Let him decide.
Then, if he chooses Scout camp, make an executive decision and overrule him.
I wonder if this is a sign I’ve been watching too much Apprentice.
Not dismissive. But you have to set priorities. Just as my job comes before my extra-curricular activities, my child’s school comes before his extra-curricular activities.
Until they’re a senior in high school, their occupation is “student” and they are, tax-wise, a dependent. Their only job is to get smart and learn what they like to do and what they don’t like to do, so that they can make an educated decision about where (or whether!) to attend college, and how they intend to pay for it. Having done it, I’m convinced that paying a student’s way through college takes away half of the important lessons you learn while you’re there.
Teach him to rise to the occasion and he will.
I’m not sure I would equate an adult’s “extra-curricular activities” (whatever you may mean by that) with an organized kid’s activity be it scouts or 4H or what. It isn’t like the kid won’t do the interview because he wants to spend his Saturday playing video games or something.
The kid’s “job” is to learn how to be a responsible adult, and that learning does not only happen in a formal school setting.
IMHO amarinth and jurph have the right approach.
I hope the OP comes back to tell us how it turned out…
As I said in #7 I’ll respond in full by Sunday night. Promise. Very exhausting week. Already fell asleep at a social event earlier this evening.
OK, here’s the follow-up.
In a nutshell, the school caved and he’ll be doing the interview/testing next week. He’s on the camping trip right now.
Some other interesting developments occurred after writing the OP. After posting it and reading the first few responses my entire attitude toward talking to my son changed for the better. I was thinking that this was the biggest issue ever and that he was headed for a world class tantrum, acting out episode. After the above I was thinking more like “Let’s start by talking to him and see what happens.” So when I told him the facts on Wednesday night, that he might have to miss the camping trip, his response was something like “Oh, OK.”
In the meantime we went through a frustrating drama with the head of admissions about re-scheduling. We finally got a definite OK at 3 PM on Friday. At this point we had already packed for the camping trip etc. Even though I got what I wanted I’m very angry that she jerked us around for so long. She should not have made us wait so long.
To respond to specific questions, I’ll use separate posts. I’m not computer literate enough to drag those quotes neatly into this post.
Excellent point LL, and well said. This is a competitive school and the difference betweeen a perky kid who’s acting like this is the greatest school he’s ever heard of and one who’s doing a bit less can be the difference between acceptance and rejection. Not that it matters, but I was never worried about my abilliity to get him to the school for the interview. I was concerned about getting him there happy after missing the trip.
Also, in case this ever comes up, never offer to give the kid a reward immediately after taking the test. Saying “Give it your best and we’ll go to McDonalds this weekend” is fine. Saying “Give it your best and the we’ll go right to McDonalds” means your kid will finish the test in record time.
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This is the first application of the season. He’ll definitely get into most of the schools - he usually ends the year with a perfect report card and did very well on the fourth grade tests - kind of equivalent to the SATs for this game.
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There are several things about the way my older son has been treated that make this much better than the average public schools. First, it’s a K - 12 school so we don’t have to go through this again for HS if he gets in.
The principal rules with an iron hand and does so with excellent judgement. Every teacher I’ve had the chance to meet is a graduate of at least one top fifty college. Kids are held to very high standards, BUT (and I think this may be the most important point) when the kids can’t do it, there’s a fallback position of let’s help you to do it, or to do something almost as good.
The school goes to bat for the kids who work with them. There were six HS grads last spring and most, if not all got into a top college. One admission to Yale.
My older son is on the cross country team, the math team and the school paper. Many of the teachers know him on a first name basis.
Starting out with an average sixth grade class three years ago, when these kids reached eigth grade they came in first in the city in the big math test. The other schools that did very well all had recruited very bright kids in sixth grade.
But a very important point is that there is no reasonable #2. This isn’t Harvard/Yale or Hertz/Avis. There are other schools which are very good academically but there are no extracurricular activities (except math team). There’s an OK neighborhood school which would be OK if my younger son were internally driven to learn. He’s not. If he’s pushed he’ll learn. If not, he’ll hang out. The only other alternative is private school, which would be almost as good, but it costs $20,000+ per year.
The reasons I’m a big donor are 1) the above and 2) I think I had too much to drink on the auction night.
- Scouting is not that important to him. He just really wanted to go on this trip. All his best friends are going.
I think he’s intimidated by it. As I said in my last post he’s an excellent student and should do well in any middle school. Since it’s more emotional than rational explaining only goes so far.
One final point. I don’t know if starting this thread gives me the right but…the award for Outsidetheboxhumorousresponseofthethread goes to…(drumroll)…mssmith537 for posts #8 and #15.
And again, thanks to all for responding. It really was extremely helpful.
Some more follow-up. He got back home a little while ago. At first he complained about how bad it was. Froze his butt off, lots of hard work. But after he got that out of his system he seemed real proud that he made it through. Said there were 18 boys there and 14 wound up crying and/or calling their parents to take them home. He felt great to be one of the survivors.
You’re kidding, right? Please tell me you’re have a sarcastic funny, and laughing on the inside at people freaked out over getting into the right Grade 6.
What the hell’s going on here? You have to apply to get into Grade 6? Auctioning off lunch with the principal to the highest bidder? Boy, did the owners of these schools see you guys coming. I applaud their ability to separate suckers from their money.
Sorry to interrupt with an OT post, but this is hyper-parenting taken to a comically ridiculous level.
I have no doubt that mssmith537 meant that as a joke, and a pretty good one IMHO.
Yes, we do have to apply for the 6th grade in some cities in this country. Kind of like what people do when they apply for colleges in Canada. It’s all about rewarding those that make an effort. Considering how much variation there is in quality of schools I find it hard to imagine a caring parent who wouldn’t make at least a modicum of effort to make sure his children got into good schools.
The idea of auctioning off lunch with the principal, it’s about a fun way to make a donation to the school. No one forced me to be the high bidder. It was entirely win/win. If I didn’t win the auction I probably would have made the same donation anyway.
The owner of the school in this case would be the government, and yes, they do deserve a lot of credit for their ability to separate people from their money.
Just a guess RJ, but I bet you are not a parent. If you are, I’d love to hear how you have dealt with similar issues with your children. No sarcasm intended.
I see nothing wrong with sending my children to the local public school. I received a perfectly good, well-rounded education in such schools that enabled me to gain admission to a prestigious university. If it worked for me I’m sure it would work for anybody; I’m no Einstein.
I don’t see what was so funny about my posts…
…ok I was joking…
I can see wanting your kids to go to the best schools they can. Just keep in mind that it’s no guarantee that they will be happy or successful as an adult.
There is certainly a lot of variance between schools in the UK:
I teach at a private School, which costs parents about £25,000 (about $46,000) per year. They get small class sizes (typically 20), excellent facilities (Theatre, swimming pool, shooting range) and plenty of University and career advice. 98% go on to further education.
My sister teaches at a good state school. Class size of 30, reasonable facilities etc.
50-60% go on to University (depending on the quality of each year group)
My Dad just retired from teaching at a state school in a deprived are of London. Leaky roof, class size of 38, poor facilities, many pupils on state benefits. Most left school at 16.
♪ ♫ To Sirrrrrrrrrrrrrrr with Loooooooooooove ♪ ♫
♪ ♫ Don’t stand so close to me ♪ ♫
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Incidentally, I must stress that I am not questioning Plan B’s dedication to her/his kids, nor her/his wisdom in pursuing this course of action. I’m sure Plan B is an excellent parent - else, why would s/he have asked the question in the first place?
I merely find it unfortunate that the school system is asking eleven year olds to compete like this, as if choosing a middle school is as important as choosing a mate.
I’m a little confused. A hypothetical then: You ask your daughter to set the table for dinner. Does she do it? If yes, why? Because she wants to? Or because you want her to?
What happens if she doesn’t do it? Would you punish her?