Sci-Fi Channel original movie - "Heatstroke" (Open Spoilers)

Yet another in the long line of Sci-Fi channel “Original (“B”) Movies”, as I expected, it had a predictable “plot” and totally unsympathetic characters, not to mention, some of the worst “Critter-CGI” I have EVER seen, the effects looked positively primitive, nothing special about them at all…

basically, aliens crash land on Earth back in the 60’s and transmit a “Phone Home” message, fragments of this message are picked up by TV stations and broadcast with their signal, giving the viewers recurring nightmares and insomnia

fast forward to present day, Disposable Character #1 messes up a photo shoot of Vacuous Models by crashing his ultralight into their beach shoot, VM #1 hates DC #1, we meet other VM and DC’s

later on, people start dying, getting eaten, faces melted off, jugulars slit, all by evil Velocirapto…errr, Sleestack…errr, Aliens, that’s it, Aliens, aliens that look like the result of a Sleestack getting romantic with a Velociraptor, but no, they’re not Velociraptors…

one DC gets possesed by an Alien-Worm-Baby, there’s some crap about the Velocirapt…err…Aliens causing Global Warming, 'cause they want to breed big, yummy insects to eat, and kill off humans

in the end, it all blows up reeeal good

Oh yeah, and Wayne “Scorpius from Farscape” Pygram was in it, marginally, but he really had nothing particularly memorable to add to this horrible waste of time, he wasn’t even able to work in an offhanded Farscape reference, for frell’s sake

that said, if you watched it with the intent to give it the MST3K treatment, it worked well…

when we first encounter the VelociAliens, one of the Disposable Characters (who’s name was “Romeo”) gets all eated up, his freinds are frantically searching for him, they’re all yelling out “ROMEO?!?”
of course, I had to add “Wherefore Art Thou?!?” every time they yelled his name

while the DC’s were searching for Romeo (Wherefore Art Thou?!? thou hast shuffled off this mortal coil, Horatio!), one of the VM’s gets all dead-like at the talons of the AlienRaptor, as the camera pans over her body on the beach (liberally stained with at least 20 gallons of “blood”, (whouda’ thought the ol’ girl wouldve had so much blood in her?)
“We found Vacuous Model #2!”
and we’ve got a bad case of Red Tide to boot!

Frell, Scorpy, how far you’ve sunk, you had to be completely fahrbot to be in this waste of “film”, what the hezmana were you thinking?

It had Winnie from Wonder Years in it though. That girl growed up fine!

I was talking to my girlfriend about the renaissance of low-budget monster movies on the Sci-Fi channel, such as Mansquito and Doomtrooper. A promo for Heatstroke came on and she said, “So basically you can make any movie with a one-word title and some kind of creature and the Sci-Fi Channel will show it?”

There are lots of reasons I love my girlfriend, but one of them is her sarcasm. (Incidentally, the movie I’m writing featuring genetically-engineered penguins is called Emperor.)

The actors were far better than the material. But the alteration of the earth for other critters to take over has been done better. Women were pretty . But the creatures were so bad they were funny.

I so gotta read that screenplay!