"We have investigated the planet, your excellency, and we think we understand many of the aspects of their biology.
"But there is a particular phenomenon that continues to puzzle our researchers. Each of the creatures’dwellings has a room devoted to a strange purpose.
"It seems these creatures, each day of their existence, return to these rooms. The creatures darken the rooms and lie on small raised platforms until they actually lose consciousness. They spend between one-quarter and one-half of their lives in such an unconscious state.
“We cannot fathom the purpose of this bizarre phenomenon. But our experiments have confirmed that the creatures cannot survive long when denied it. Perhaps we can find a way to use that to our advantage.”
“They wear thin sheaths of flexible materials covering most, but not all of their bodies. Sometimes they are brightly colored, at other times drab. Sometimes they are adhere tightly to their bodies and sometimes they are very loose. Sometimes they cover almost all of their bodies and sometimes practically none. They remove these sheaths at intervals and replace them with others. They almost never appear in public places without their sheaths but it’s not unheard of.”
“At first we thought they were temperature control devices but this seems to be only a secondary function. They take notice of each others sheaths, especially the females. The males are generally less concerned with their own sheathing but greatly interested in female sheaths. Yet the absence of sheaths in females is even more attractive to the males. We do not understand this phenomenon but we suspect it may have something to do with mating.”
“I’ll tell him but I don’t think he’ll be very keen. He’s already got one, you see!”
There is another behaviour that puzzles us. These creatures, particulary the young, have devices with wires that they place over their topmost appendages.
They place thin irredescent discs in another device attached by the wires. Shortly after we observed the creatures moving in strange manners, while also detecting pulses in the atmosphere in their vicinity. This seems to excite them. We have even observed them attempting to concurrently recreate these atmospheric pulses through (we think) their upper orifices, usually with less than accurate results.
VB
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.
They worship at alters of fused silicon and solified petrochemicals by making repetative ritualistic manipulations on the surface of a petrochemical panel while gazing at a vacuum.
Peace
t lion
“I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of freedoms of the people
by gradual and silent encroachment of those in power than by violent and sudden
usurpations.”
– James Madison
“There are occasions when some of the males of the species will wear strange, brightly colored armor and gather on a rectangular field, marked out by painted lines. A great number of others, primarily males but with a few females, will crowd themselves into a large structure that surrounds the field, and make great noise while the armored males carry out a complicated ritual. The ritual focuses on a spheroidal object, which we have detemined to be constructed using the epidermis of another one of the planetary species. The armored ones at times treat the object with great respect, and at other times hurl it as if it were a weapon; still at other times it is slammed into the ground, while some of the males particpate in a tribal dance. Despite the greater size and number of the armored ones, they seem to take orders form a small group of males wearing plain striped tunics. These striped males carry special noisemakers which we believe give them power over the minds of the armored ones. We are only able to surmise that we are witnessing an elaborate mating ritual.”
Your Excellency,
We have completed our preliminary investigation of the energy requirements each member of the dominant species must maintain in order to persist in proper functioning order. Periodically, each member of this species must cease activity and take in sustenance through its oral cavity. This is not in itself unusual, as this is accomplished in a manner fairly consistent with other humanoid races we have observed throughout the galaxy. However, the practices associated with this refueling differ markedly from anything we have observed before. They take great care in the preparation of their fuel, making certain that each ingredient “complements” the others in some manner as yet undetermined. Often, they arrange the food objects in a manner designed to be pleasing to the eye, despite the fact that they are to be consumed mere moments later. In addition, they often take in this sustenance in formalized settings, there being a room of their domiciles set aside for this purpose, and at set times each day, family units will unite and consume the foodstuffs that one or more of them have prepared. Sometimes, they will even venture to an establishment devoted to refueling activities. Taking in sustenance alone, in a nonformalized setting, or at unallocated times is usually deemed improper, and disapproved of. We have observed nothing in their biochemistry that would indicate a need for such care, they appear to survive perfectly well on a regimen of pure protein, carbohydrates, fat, water, fiber, and trace vitamins and minerals, but for reasons unknown, they persist in these odd habits. A number of theories have been advanced for this, the likeliest being some form of religious devotion. None of our infiltration team has personally tested this planet’s foodstuffs, their biochemistry being incompatible with ours. Despite such difficulties, our research is proceeding at a much faster rate than was projected, and we look forward to delivering to Your Excellency a full report in the near future. In the meantime, we shall be investigating a place that the natives of this planet have given the name “Mikii’Diiz”.
Glory to the Emperor,
Neu’uro t’Raash Grl
Heck is where you go when you don’t believe in Gosh.
Your excellency, we have been examining the most fascinating life form on this planet. Yes, those scintillating one-celled organisms, such a successful group of species! Why, we estimate that these life forms have been procreating on this planet longer that any other! Their biomass is incredible compared to any other creatures, and their adaptability is breathtaking!
I wanted to report, sir, that our studies are being thwarted by an infestation of one of the larger, multicelled life forms. We are trying to accomplish our research in the limited time we have here, but these annoying worthless creatures keep getting in our way! One can hardly take a step on the planetary surface without encountering one of their nests, whence they swarm about in great numbers.
Yes, sir I recommend we go ahead and exterminate them. Hideous creatures! They are of no use to us.
As he entered the Earthlings’ hut , WorLith’Ba beheld, through the visor of his Environmental Support Suit a bizzare & eldrich sight. A cylinder of a transparent material, which his instruments indicated was fused silica sitting on a platform. What was astonishing (fused silica is , of course, the primary component of the physical makeup of most popular household pets) is the contents of the clear silica cylinder. The deadly & highly corrosive material: Oxide of Hydrogen!
So corrosive that it can dissolve steel, albeit over a period of months. And Earth’s vile climate is so cold, that it had turned to liquid!
Indeed, as WorLith’Ba examined the deadly fluid more closely, to his shock , he realized that some of the Oxide Of Hydrogen had actually frozen into a solid! Oddly, it had formed itself into roughly cubical shapes. Doubtless it’s natural crystaline form. Truly, it was certain death to handle this horrific substance.
Suddenly, the noise of a rapidly approaching Earthling reached Worlith’Ba’s ears (the second set of ears, just below his knees). Hiding himself quickly, the valiant alien explorer resolved to spy upon the primitive, and learn the secret reason for the presence of the deadly fluid.
To his horror, the Earthling raised the clear cylinder to it’s ingestion orafice, and DRANK.
Despite WorLith’Ba’s best efforts at first aide (slicing open the creature’s abdominal cavity to extract the deadly Oxide of Hydrogen) ; the creature , sadly died.
An obvious suicide.
You should tell the truth, expose the lies and live in the moment."-Bill Hicks
“You should tell the lies, live the truth and expose yourself.” - Bill Clinton
"The sides of dwellings are constructed from congruent modular units in the shapes of rectangular parallelepipeds that are joined to form regular three-dimensional space tesselations. Units with edge ratios roughly in the sequence 2:3:6 are fastened together with strong adhesives. Units with more extreme ration, made of soft organic material, are also used. These are joined by means of small metallic cylinders with a cone at one end and a flattened disk at the other. The cylinders are forced through the units by primitive percussion devices.
"Sheathing is periodically cleaned by an ingenious mechanism that subjects wet sheathing to alternate compressions and expansions by moving the material laterally along a surface with an approximate sine-wave cross ection. The device rquires no electromagnetic energy, and has no moving parts.
"Wet sheathing is dried by an even simpler mechanism, also free of moving parts. No energy is required other than that produced by natural movements of the planet’s atmosphere. The device is essentially a long, flexible cylinder.
"The more intelligent species are constantly exchanging circular objects of varying size and made of different kinds of metals and alloys. Most of them bear bas-relief portraits of their leaders.
“The creatures also seem to enjoy producing millions of tiny rectangular engravings, displaying pictures in full color of life forms and other objects. These are fastened to larger rectangular objects which are periodically pushed into containers and distributed to other spots on the planet.”
by me, based on something from Isaac Asimov:
“A peculiar device is used by the creatures as a source of information and diversion. It delivers information at a speed appropriate to the intelligence, attention and interest of the user. It shuts off automatically when the user puts it down and resumes where the user left off when the user takes it up again. It provides as much or as little graphical detail as the user is capable of. Millions of these devices are created each year. It is inexpensive and available to the vast majority of the inhabitants, and many of them carry one or more devices around. It is light enough to be carried by all but the smallest inhabitants. It requires no external energy other than slight movements by the user to operate the device. It can be dropped from a considerable height without affecting its function. It can be immersed in water and then dried with little effect to the data. Amazingly, the device is constructed almost entirely of dried and shredded plant material.”
…this is another Moebius sig…b!s sn!qaoW jay+oue s! s!y+…
(adaptation of a WallyM7Sig™ a la quadell)
For business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity. - Mark Twain
the males of this species will wear a long piece of cloth before them, looped around their necks and tied such that the ends of the cloth dangle directly before them. When one was observed removing this cloth, its probable purpose was revealed: it exists to hide the unsightly fasteners used to seal his clothing.
However, in other situations another article of clothing is worn on top of this cloth, with even more such fasteners covering the cloth but with no covering of their own.
Our latest theory on this item is an involvement in mating ritual. Although now such purpose has been lost in that the patterns of the cloth are often random or purposeless, it was originally designed to display that the male is a good provider for the female. Some such cloths still bear a pattern for this purpose. To display to the female that in choosing this male she will never want for food, the male will wear a cloth around his neck that bears strong resemblance to a recently caught fish.
