How about “Gone for a ride”?
Is the picture on the BBC link that of the actual bike? If so, why aren’t they respecting its privacy instead of bandying its image all over the net ?
SCHWINNNN-G!
That’s a nice-looking bike. I know I’d hit it.
I read in a bike forum that when climbing a very steep hill sometimes you need get intimate with the nose of your saddle. I guess this guy took it to heart.
Well, I hope he didn’t get two tired. 
No true Scotsman would have sex with a bike.
insert something witty about sheep here.
He should make an ap-“peel out” of this travesty; even though it might be an uphill slog, I, personally, hope he coasts to victory.
You don’t say? Name four.
That’s the great thing about the Dope. You’ll find an expert on everything here.
- Sucking on some protuberant bit, and/or licking.
- Rubbing one’s genitals against any portion of the bicycle, the seat being perhaps least uncomfortable.
- Spanking the bicycle lightly (perhaps while muttering, “Yeah, you like that, don’t you?”).
- Chaining the bicycle up so tightly it can’t even fall over, then taunting the bicycle (“Who’s your daddy now?”)
- Wrapping the handlebars in leather thongs, then forcing the bicycle to watch the Tour de France with no relief in sight.
- Ringing the bell until it can’t ring no more.
I’m not a prude or nothing but those all sound a little degenerate to me. Call me “old fashioned” but slashing the back tire and having sex through the wound was good enough for my grandpa, and it’s good enough for me.
Actually, with those new seats designed to avoid perineal compression you could probably get pretty close to “penetrable”. How you doing?.
I dunno. You tart that thing up a bit, a scrap of frilly lacey negligee, the right lighting…
I’m not going to link it - the pictures I’ve seen are NSFW - but I’ve seen at least one bike mod that made the whole dildo or bike question redundant.
I’d hate to try riding it on the road, though.
I could understand fucking a picnic table, or even a bookshelf. But a bicycle? Well, that’s just sick.
And this is a problem how?
This is distubingly evocative of Tiptree’s “The Screwfly Solution.”
Here’s a little erotica for you, then.
In gay parlance, that’s a versatile seat, if I ever saw one.
No honey, that’s a “Versace Seat” if you’ve ever seen one.
Rimjob?
It does appear that his privacy was violated - if he’d been doing his bike in the town square, that’d be a different case.
There may well be a highly specialised market for “enhanced” seats - a “male” seat would penetrate, and a “female” seat would have an opening. A “hermaphrodite” seat would have both. Odds are that these things can be bought now.
Are bike perverts “pedalasts”? And do they get chain-gang-raped in prison?
I’m getting all derailed just thinking about it. Some sort of lubricant or pump joke goes here.