Screw them sweepers!

The BBQ Pit
1

Gosh, there’s no one I hate more than the guys who drive sweepers. They are pea-brained cowards who love to bully people in sweeper trucks to compensate for their small dicks!!! They like to drive like a bat out of hell. They speed and do not yield to cars. What ticks me off about them the most is that they drive dangerously close to vehicles.

Well, last night I picked up a lovely lass. Seriously, she was the hottest woman in that bar and she was interested in me. Yes??? Me!!! The issue was that I could not go home, my lazy ass roommate sleeps all the time.

I WANTED TO TEAR THAT ASS UP!

Quiet sex would not do. She had long beautiful red hair and her irii was the color of emeralds. And she had nice perky breasts that I wanted to bury my face into and go brrrrRRRRrrrrRRR!!!

So we went into a dark parking lot. My car shook like Michael J. Fox trying to drill a hole into a box. It even scared my dogs in the back. When we fininshed knocking boots, as the guys in the ghetto say, we fell asleep.

At the pussy crack of dawn, we woke up to a sweeper driving literally three inches away from my Lexus SUV. It startled the crap out of me and the Woman. I stared him down and he stared at me back. I rolled down my window and said “My name is Richard”. Being the important business man that I am, I assumed he would’ve respected my presence, once I spoke. To my surprise, he just threw up his hand and made that I don’t know/whatever/What did I do? gesture and drove off.

I’ve had bad experiences with sweepers before, but I let it go. Now that I have a slightly nicer car, I do not let them get away with being assholes. Again, the sweeper drove away, to the opposite side of the parking lot. I headed out his way, started revving my engine really loudly, and I let the dogs out like the Baja Men. That got his attention. He froze when he saw my dogs approaching him. When my dogs got just a few feet away from him, I whistled for them to come back.

Dude was scared as shit. He then knew what it feels like. Once again, I gave a douchebag the taste of his own medicine and I remain The Man.

2

Shoulda hit him with a Corona bottle. I hear they don’t break easy.

3

She seems like a lovely young lady.:dubious:

4

You own a Lexus.
You get a woman to have sex with you in that Lexus instead of a motel room.
And you are complaining that you were awakened post-coitus by a sweeper and that HE’S the idiot.

Are you familiar with the concept of “irony?”

5

I don’t have much of a problem with anyone who drives a “sweeper”.

You, however, are an asshole who thinks he’s funny. Deadly combination.

6

My bullshit-meter is pegging about a 9.7 now.

7

You may have to re-calibrate…:wink:

8

TRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

[/Mexican soccer announcer voice]

9

Maybe related to the "I pit snow plow drivers " pit from Russian Heal?

10

I feel like this is satire, where Richard is the sweeper driver and he’s describing the massive douchebag who confronted him in the early a.m.

11

I wonder if he is related to Peter North?

12

Normally, I would’ve but I was with a new woman. Violence as such would scare them away, that early on. Sometimes you can win using intimidation only. :slight_smile:

She was indeed. Do you not like redheads?

Yes, he was the idiot for walking outside his sweeper to throw something a way in the trash can, after I introduced myself as the Richard.

You’re hatin’ bro?

I bet you’re an omega male, who has a small dick, live in your parent’s basement, and drive a Ford. That is a deadly combination.

13

What a Dick.

14

I am confused. You had a woman in your car, that you had sex with, or a dog? Or was it a three, or more, way, with a woman and one or several dogs? Or did the woman just turn into a dog overnight?

15

Surely you have some gentlemen friends to whom you can stealth brag about your conquests, rather than doing so here.

16

The Richard.:smack:

17

Nah. They’ve figured out a long time ago he’s full of shit.

18

You got a hot woman to have sex with you in an SUV with two dogs in it? And you both slept the night through in said SUV?

Pictures, or it never happened!

19

Next time, try telling us about how you got your cats declawed while on your way to get your circumcision reversed, when you ran into a libertarian friend of yours who bragged about tailgating a guy.

20

So says the alpha male who can’t even bring a hottie home, because of the pathetic loser who lives in his apartment. Not to mention his lazy roommate.