Screw this 20 minutes crap

I want to shuffle of my mortal coil with a splash and spend eternity in the Challenger Deep. A quick Google reveals exactly where I need to have my coffin tossed overboard, so locating the right spot shouldn’t be much of a problem for a competent boat operator. But beyond that, what would be the best way to expedite this endeavor? Where should I arrange transport from? Guam seems to be the obvious choice—are there other options I should consider? Whom should I approach for this service? Tour operators? Fishing companies? A private individual who has a boat and needs some cash? And what should my coffin be made of? I don’t want to get wet—this bastard has got to be watertight forever. I seriously doubt that a 55-gallon oil drum is going to cut the mustard, but is there any sort of commercially manufactured container that would withstand 16,000 p.s.i., or will I have to contract for a custom-built coffin? Windows will not be necessary. Lastly, are there any legal hurdles to overcome if I want to do this—is anybody going to try to stop me?

I’d think it would be very difficult to accurately predict where you could be dropped overboard and not get swept off course by a current part of the way down. Although, I’m certainly not an oceanographer.

Maybe encase you remains in concrete and coat it several times with a super-tough epoxy coating. Wouldn’t a GPS get you pretty close to your chosen final rust…resting place?

Did you really write " I don’t want to get wet" ???

Thanks for my morning laugh. Gee that was good.

I agree that the “coffin” ought to be just a block of cement with the OP embedded in it.

On the second point, what **USCDiver **meant is that from where you are thrown overboard, you could end up miles from there in almost any direction by the time you sink to the bottom. So GPS will help you go overboard exactly here, but provides no help in figuring out where *here *should be to make you land there. And it’s the landing place, the there, which the OP wants to hit.

Even sealed in concrete and/or steel, it’s eventually going to corrode, crack and fall apart.

At which time you’ll be eaten by the worms. Yum yum.

If price is no object (and it seems like it isn’t), then encasing yourself in some sort of custom-built, extremely tough steel-and-concrete sarcophagus with no air spaces - the better to resist the extreme pressures at that depth - would be your best bet. And if you want your remains precisely placed, you could hire the Russians to take you down in the claws of one of their minisubs, like those carried by the Keldysh in the movie Titanic, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akademik_Mstislav_Keldysh, rather than just be dropped in the water on the surface and taking your chances with the current.

Challenger Deep is within the Mariana Islands chain, which is U.S. territory. I know of no law prohibiting such burials at sea, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there were one (or more).

You could get an eternal reef, but I’m not sure you get to pick where you get dropped.

And this is different from all other non-cremated burials on land or sea how? The only way to escape the worms is in space. But you’ll still have your normal on-board load of bacteria.

Ya know, as I wrote this

it struck me as sorta poetic, almost sig line material. Or maybe a theme for a good nightmare or horror flick; sorta *Alien *in reverse.

Googling suggests the maximum depth of these minisubs is a couple of miles short of what would be needed by the OP.

I gotta believe that the number of worms disporting themselves at 36,000’, is limited, and that a coffin made of some corrosion-resistant material like titanium should frustrate them for a considerable time.

Why not skip the whole coffin issue and have your ashes compressed into a diamond? Placement would still be a problem…I don’t think you could hire an ROV that would go that deep.

Of course I did. The tux is a rental.

You’d like to think so, wouldn’t you…

Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfreakin worms on this motherfreakin rocket!

How long would some sort of rudimentary guidance system last? Could fins or other non-motorized attachments/mechanical pallbearers help steer the coffin to account for currents? What about something with a motor?

Oh, I believe the worms will be convening outside the Brixton bus station.

A solid concrete coffin appropriately nose-weighted and sporting tail fins should sink at a pretty good clip, enough to overcome the influence of any sideways currents that might drag you off course.

A hollow vessel will have to be immensely strong to keep your festering corpse dry at those depths. As noted in the recent thread on undersea stations, the Trieste which originally visited the challenger deep was a steel sphere, 6 feet in diameter with 5-inch-thick walls. A smaller container can more easily be made to resist those pressures; you might consider cremation, after which the ashes can be enclosed in a rather small pressure vessel.

When the Trieste went into the Challenger Deep and finally hit bottom at 36,000 feet, the first thing they saw was a flatfish swimming away from their light. There’s LOTS of life down there.

When did this happen? And how long were they down there?

Just about long enough to notice the crack in the window. I would have pooped my tighty whities.

Okay - but I’m guessing not much of it will pose a threat to a chunk of concrete encased in metal.