Number 1 made me laugh the most, but I have to vote for number 4, with honorable mention going to number 7 for reasons already posted by other dopers.
#4
#1
#1
I’m going to have to go with #1. The one that made me laugh the most, although they were all pretty funny. I just like the mental image of poor Dan getting hit in the stomach with a monitor (on more than one occasion). 
I just assumed that since nobody voted in the thread, we were supposed to email our votes… you know, like a secret ballot… to build suspense! So I emailed my vote to Hamlet … and now I can’t remember what I decided. I seem to have been torn between 1 and 4 and 6. I’ll go with… six! because nobody else voted for it yet.
Piece #4, please. Thanks!
#6
Gotta vote for #3
I’m torn between 1 and 3…I think 1 has more creative funny moments but I find hamsters inherently funny.
::sound of coin flipping::
after much thought I am going with #1.
#9
What…is that like “none of the above”??? 
Or perhaps it’s the first vote for imthjckaz’s witty remark!
I’m going with #3.
Does that mean I get a vote?
#3
#6
#1
I vote for #4.
I also agree that #7 was excellent writing, however. That one gets my honorable mention.
Very entertaining reading from all entrants. Congrats!
3 or 5?
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe…
#5
I’m torn between #3 and 4. I thought 4 was the better story but three was funnier.
Um…
I’ll vote for #3
Fenris