Hello again. Bryan Robson mumbles aimlessly about Middlesborough and Nigeria, refusing to meet Garth’s gaze. Garth comes closer as he mutters on, until he is inches from Bryan’s ear. Losing his train of thought completely as Garth begins to poke him gently in the ribs, Bryan stutters, and continues haltingly. The nation, over the toast and eggs to assuage the Saturday morning hangover, wills Mark Lawrenson to rescue the situation. He merely looks off camera, his hangdog expression betraying utter disdain. An embarrassed silence ensues.
November’s talking points:[ul][li]Liverpool: Not a sacking club. A win over MUrdoch might kickstart a good run up to Christmas, with the utterly essential Regi Hamann on the way back and Pongolle and Le Tallec looking promising. A defeat might catalyse the usual crap November at Anfield. Gerard Houllier merely sits and googles his eyes patiently while Alex Ferguson again shows himself to be the despicable human rubbish we all know and loathe. []Play-off fever! The tickets for Wales v. Russia sit proudly on my bookshelf. Victory would represent a genuine coup for Welsh football, whilst defeat would be utterly deflating after beating Italy a year ago. And which Scotsman can recreate Archie Gemmill’s glorious weaving run and goal against the Dutch? Don Hutchison? Barry Ferguson? Dominic Matteo?? Come on, you whinging bunch of brown-sauce-on-chip-putting pound-note-retaining heart-diseased lardarses! Go out and WIN![]The Money Programme Can Mohammed Al Fugged pull off Sale of the Century at Phul-Am? One homeless Premiership club, slightly fleeced. Also, Man. City cross referenced with Peter Risdale’s goldfish - what is “debt”?[]Spurs. Spurs talk, with Spurs and Spurs. Spurs spurs Spursetty spurs. Plus, Tottenham: Spurs, or Spurs? []The Drop. If Viduka and Smith go, Leeds are down and possibly even genuinely bankrupt, and Reid appears to have his hairy but surprisingly powerful arms tied: What’s a marmoset to do? Souness shows the managerial acumen which has somehow made him coveted by teams sitting several positions above his. Finally at Wolves, Paul Gascoigne supercedes Jimmy White as the nation’s most pitied sportsman.[/ul] The Euro play-offs also herald the end of the second month of the Straight Dope Fantasy League. After triumph last month manwithaplan lies mediocre in mid-table, with Skopo sitting pretty and owl looking increasingly like the Conservative candidate in a Scottish or Welsh bielection. [/li]
Finally, there are many references to betting appearing here: Perhaps prior to each weekend we might pick some value punts for others to dissect? (Somewhat along the lines of the Guardian’s “You Bet Your Life” game last year.) Since betting on team sports is so inaccessible or outright illegal in much of America, it would be remiss of us not to instruct our cousins in this quintessentially British pastime.
Only one firm offering odds at the moment but they’ll give you 6/1 about Tottenham winning next Saturday. I fear there’s a zero missing from that price . . . . I say all I have to say about Pleat’s team selection and formation for the Bolton game at the end of the October thread.
Some excellent matches again next weekend; aside from the Norf Lunnon derby, ManUre are at Liverpool and the Launderers host the Bonny deck-chair-striped Lads.
There’s also the Kipper tie derby between Wolves and Brum, and also some very tight bottoms vs. bottoms and mediocrity vs. mediocrity.
btw, thanks to these dodgy satellite cards, I should be fluent in Spanish by the end of the season GOOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL !!!
I suspect there is value there, L_C: Derbies often make a nonsense of form and home advantage - the true odds are probably more like 4/1 I’d guess. Are Blue Square still doing the 1 goal handicap? If so, that should bring the odd for Tottenham win or draw to around 5/2: a genuine bargain IMHO.
even at 6-1 I wouldn’t touch it with a bargepole. The filth are on fire, and we are in a dip. Also this is the last hurrah for several of their players so they will have something to prove.
Watching what Okocha did to our defence i would lump on henry to get a hat-trick. I just hope we keep it respectable.
Those Owen to Madrid rumours keep getting louder too.
Oh and four players apparently have taken cocaine. Try to contain your outrage.
Is it time for the pie-eaters XI?
I nominate Neville Southhall in Goal. (or Fatty Ffoulkes - but he’s a bit before my time)
Mr Meaty - I understand your argument and in normal circs would be sympathetic but I did see the whole Leeds vs. Grovellers game (obviously in Spanish) and the Gooners are on fire.
It’s like when they were in their absolute pomp early last season and went 3-0 up in 20 mins most games before sitting back.
Based on what the Grovellers did to Leeds in the first 30 mins, I wouldn’t touch Spurs at any price. I wouldn’t bet on anyone against them at the moment, but history says it won’t last; they don’t like it up 'em in winter.
Hey! It’s called the Pie Shop XI - good shout on Nev though Owl Fat bastard!
Talking of Coke, what about Maradonna for midfield ? No there’s a man who’s not afraid of a cheese and pickle roll.
The outstanding facts in Fowlers case are that he’s paid a fortune by City and a fortune by Leeds at the same time. IMHO, that requires a dedication to pies well beyond the call of duty. He’s still in the frame . . . at the moment.
From what I’ve seen of Lardson, he’s eased off since MrnOnell got hold of him. Looks slimmer. Either that, or even he can’t stand Jock cuisine . . .
leeds at the bottom of the table. all my hope is gone. Viduka and Smith won’t stay. and so begins a 10 year plummet similar to the late 70’s, and also the beginning of The Two Towers film.
Hardly Athletic:
Parks (West Ham circa 1985)
Ruddock (Swindon) McGrath (Villa) Dicks (W Ham)
Barnes (Charlton) Gascoigne (Burnley) Molby (Liverpool) Ferenc Puskas (Hungary) Sammy Lee (Liverpool)
Mickey Quinn (Coventry) Thomas Brolin (Sweden)
more fatties: John Pratt, John Lacey, Viduka, Le Tissier*, micky quinn, Terry Naylor, Kevin Scott.
le Tissier now plays for eastleigh in the Hampshire league - ie one up from pub football. My Brother in Law (definately in the pie XI) also plays in that league and was told to mark the “bloke with the big nose”. He still comes out in a sweat when he remembers what Le Tissier did to him.
I am glad to see Spurs fans think they can’t beat Arsenal but I’m not sure I agree. Leeds tried to pass the ball on Arsenal’s half without much movement and Arsenal easily countered and scored.
Letting Arsenal counter attack like that means that you will lose the game, unfortunatly most clubs have figured this out.
As for being on fire, I agree that Lauren, Toure, Campbell, Cole and Henry has been on fire but the midfield has been lacking at least untill the Leeds match. If Kiev is beaten easily tomorrow you have something to worry about.