SDMB Searching 101

I know your fucking 2-year old intellect urges you to push a lot of buttons, but KEEP OFF THE GODDAMN SEARCH BUTTON! Searching every user on every forum from two years ago takes a lot of fuckin’ bandwidth, and while you pick your ass for twenty minutes while your search is completing, there’s probably 200 users on the board waiting for a damn thread to load, getting really pissed.

For those of you with the common sense of an ebola-infected gibbon with ADD, I will now instruct you on proper search-conducting behavior:
I. Determining your desired results

[li] Before you give in to your addiction to press the damn button, figure out what you want to find. Enter a specific user on a specific forum, or detailed parameters for a forum-wide search. Using your brain now will yield big dividends in the future.[/li]
[li] Find out, roughly, the date of the OP of your desired thread. For example, if you know the thread was started 6 days ago, do not choose “2 years ago”. Makes sense, right?[/li]
[li] Determine the posters in the thread. If the thread was written a long time ago, or the date is unknown, search by Username, preferably whoever wrote the OP. That way, not only do you find your desired thread, but others in which the user participated. Whoopee![/li][/ul]

II. Initiating Search Procedure

[li]OK, now that you’ve determined your search parameters, click the Search button (giddy laughter abounds).[/li]
[li]Enter the information. Steer clear of those hazardous “Match Any” radio buttons, instead going for “Exact”. “But how can my puny intellect grasp such a concept?”, you ask. Have no fear, for I have concocted a rhyme using only your grade-level vocabulary. Gather 'round, and partake:[/li]
“Click on Any, and you’re a pity,
click on Exact, or go sit on a tack!”

Sometimes I fear I am too kind.

[li]Click “Perform Search”. (more giddy laughter)[/li]
[li]Marvel at your new-found abilities.[/li][/ul]

III. Conclusion

[li] The search takes less than 10 seconds. You find your thread.[/li]
[li] Your fellow posters are not interrupted in their thread-reading by a server slowdown.[/li]
[li] All is right with the world. (For now, anyway, but that’s a topic best left for another thread).[/li]Congratulations! You have now completed SDMB Searching 101. Here’s your diploma. You have now started the long hard road out of gibbon-likeness.
Hey hey, don’t eat that. It isn’t food.
Back to square one. Sometimes I wonder why I even try. :smiley:

This identical rant has been posted 4 times this week alone!
If only you had searched first. . .

Someone please correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the search function only goes by the user name or keyword entered. I don’t think you can successfully use both at the same time.

And how exactly is it you’re privy to people’s searching habits? :confused:


FireUnderpantsBoobs, you can search with both keyword and screenname and you will get only threads that contain both. Ironically, I tested this by doing a completely pointless search on my own name.

So I and other users on this message board keep the server moving as quickly as possible, not waiting around for 10 minutes waiting to navigate around. Seems reasonable.

Uhm Lateralus

Just a comment, I find it somehow odd that you post a thread on how this board is to be used and then end it with this

Come on, you can’t have it both ways.

PS. Just give us a chance to appreiate you; you don’t need to make enemies right off the bat. Save those to enjoy later.

By asking how you are “privy to” others’ searching habits, Esprix was asking “how do you know what other people do when they search?”

So, how do you know?

Sometimes people are not looking for a particular thread that they remember having read before. Sometimes they are searching to find out if a topic has been discussed or a question asked previously, before starting a new thread on it. In that case, going back even up to 2 years is entirely appropriate. I frequently do this before asking a question in GQ, because sometimes I find that my question has been asked and answered already. Please accept my humble apologies for tying up your server resources by doing this.

I couldn’t understand * what*Lateralus meant by this reply either. I thought it was a wee bit obtuse.

Does anyone, even Mr.L.himself self, have a friggin clue cause I sure don’t.

The Mermaid: My sig is a joke. Cuz y’know, in case I screw up really bad, I have something to blame it on besides my ignorance :smiley:

Green Bean: I don’t know what other people do when they search. I was simply giving guidelines on how not to tie up the server for several minutes. Which is extremely annoying.

Geobabe: I had meant to put an “Exemptions” section in the OP, but I failed to do so. Yes, there are certain exemptions, yours being the prime example. I understand that in those cases a broad search is necessary. I was simply trying to keep those instances as low as possible by narrowing search parameters.
And before anyone flames me, no, I’m not telling anyone they must do this. I do think they are reasonable suggestions to keep the message board as quick and effecient as possible so everyone can enjoy it.
But, judging by the replies so far, it isn’t progressing quite like I’d originally planned. So :rolleyes::wally on me.

The point, Mr. LATERALUS, is that you don’t have any idea that anyone is searching anything, or that such searches, taken together, are slowing the server down. You are getting “annoyed” at something that may or may not be occurring, at any given time, but that you have no way to know is or is not being done. Maybe you have a slow piece of shit computer.

Or maybe you could just be pissed that people post naked. You have as much evidence to back that up, which is to say none.

Jodi, you can count me in on that last sample group.

Hahahaaaaaa, poor Lateralus. Posting like a pro, and getting dissed for being a newbie. Yesiree, life is tough here at the SDMB. Whew!

I think I’ll tip my hat to to catch a painted pony. (Nice name, too, btw. Where’s it come from?)

But come on people, why jump on the poor kid? It’s not his fault he didn’t know what Big Bad Esprix was asking. Or that his sig makes you want to actually disregard anything said before it. We should love* one another.

Come on, sing with me, all together now!

*All you need is love, love…love is all you neeeeeed

Let’s see: 1000 mHz Pentium III, 256mb RAM, cable connection. I know for a fact that it isn’t my connection.

Besides, most of the time this board is reasonably quick: but sometimes it just goes to hell and a page takes forever to load. Random slowdowns don’t happen on any other page, or on any other computer I’ve used to post on (at least ten). People taking up all the server bandwith searching is the only explanation I can think of. Other posters here have attributed the server problems to people searching broadly.

Now, if you have anything significant to add (other than bashing me), such as another explanation for random slowdowns, feel free to enlighten us.
Well, at least I can say one more lesson learned. By the time I get up to post #1000 maybe I’ll be deemed worthy to post an opinion :rolleyes:

And BTW, Searching for Truth, I love you. :smiley:

-grins- You just made my night!

But lemme let you in on a lil secret round here…yeah, come closer.

-lowers head and conspiratorially whispers-

There’s a lot of Dopers who’ve been here, faithfully posting, for an estimated several thousand years. And those dedicated Dopers are an elite group, who can only acknowledge/inter-marry/fuck/talk to cordially with other elite members of the Secret Super Doper Club™. The only times they stoop to the peons’ level is when they’re blasting them with how stupid and newbie-ish they are.
Honestly though, you seem to possess a few redeeming qualities. -grin-

And your rhyme for “any” and “exact,” oh man, whew! You get mad props, B. AND you love me. -sniffle- So nice to be appreciated. And since I haven’t done this before, I extend my heartfelt welcome to the boards.


I’ve had a lot of fun since I learned how to use This.™

Perhaps, Lateralus, if it’s not too much trouble, you should do a little search of your own to around about the time Jerry the Tech God changed the search functions to accommodate the presupposed abuses you are railing against - namely, limiting searches to 2 years, and limiting searching forum-by-forum.

So, to address your OP, it’s already been taken care of, and the SDMB’s speed has increased more than your time here has possibly indicated to you.

Just so’s ya know.


Did somebody just hear something?


  1. “It’s the only thing you can think of.” Alrighty. Then it must be the problem, if it’s the only thing you can thing of, right?

  2. You have not been bashed. Stick around, do a little searching in the Pit – no, wait, for God’s sake don’t do that! – look around, and you’ll see what constitutes bashing. This ain’t it.

  3. I said not one word – not one word – about you being new. I’m not sure if you will ever be “deemed worthy” to post an opinion, but it seems to me the only one qualified to make that determination is you. So when your new love interest, SEARCHING FOR CLUE, posts this:

. . . ask yourself if he or she isn’t whispering conspiratorially because s/he is a fucking conspiracy wingnut.

Jodi, unbeknownst to herself apparently an “elite member” of the non-existent “Secret Super Doper Club.”