First liar hasn’t got a chance. 
So here goes:
I started acting when I was 11.
I was terrible so…
Tech when I was thirteen.
Designed my first show (lights) when I was thirteen.
I have been a professional designer (sound, lights, scenic) for twenty four years.
I have designed over four hundred productions, with about another two hundred other credits. For a while I was designing about 25 productions a year. It is Hell to be in tech week every other week. :o
I have been director, producer, stage manager, technical director, master electrician, board op, follow op, dresser, carp, scenic painter, designer (the previously mentioned lighting, sound, and scenic), usher, box office, and janitor.
I have worked with Charles Strouse (Writer of Annie), Jerry Bock (Composer of Fiddler), Stuart Ostrow (Producer of Pippen), and Edward Albee (Three Pulizers and counting) among others. I have also once had a lighting and sound design at the Tropicana.
I have a BA in Theatre and a MFA in Theatre: Lighting and Sound.
I am currently a Professor of Theatre Arts at Prairie View A&M University in Texas.
My current Resume is 14 pages long (In tiny, single spaced print).
Do I win? 
PS: My Great Aunt was one of the original Radio City Music Hall Rockettes. (I wish she could have lived to see my success.)