Secrets and Tips from Your Jobs, Past and Present

In My Humble Opinion
61

If you’re teaching someone a new way to do their processes, start by learning the old one. Try to give as many “name-change definitions” as possible; you cannot have in the manual a definition which reads:

Material: article

and nothing else, since in a short time nobody will remember what the heck an “article” was, but a definition which says:

Material: an object representing certain physical elements used in the system

doesn’t tell anybody a lot.

(ok, I’m exaggerating and shortening, but seriously, we do have official definitions about that clear)

62

Oh, and if you’re going to run Quality Control on anything? Learn it first, FFS, or at least don’t be such an asshole as to say “I don’t know a thing about this and there’s no reason I should” where it can be heard. That line is from the guy who’s supposed to be running QC on my team, it’s a pity I can’t refuse to train him and get permission to tape him while he’s trying to test the system nose-first :stuck_out_tongue:

63

Never pass up a chance to pee.

What do you use that against? Sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their heads?
Also, I can’t imagine how you’d end up with thermite and a claymore, but no duct tape. :dubious:
But if it ever happens to me, I’ll know what to use.

64

Sounds like a good way to deal with a bad/dud landmine.

65

A long note of advice from the design and print world, to you, the people not in this world:

Word is not a proper way to transfer pictures and is not a proper file format for design. So it’s not helpful to use word to mock-up a file you’re sending out for print, because I’ll just tell you to just send the pictures my way as separate files. I’d have to totally redo the design anyway due to proportions and it’s not like you have all the graphics and font capabilities I do so you’re just limiting your result by trying to do it first without any design software.

Also, any image below a thousand pixels wide in any dimension will be pretty much useless to print as anything but a postage stamp. So don’t bother sending them. 3000px or bigger is much more preferred. This is because of DPI - dots per inch. You can think of this as meaning 300 pixels per square inch. That’s the amount of pixels you have to cram into each square inch of printed paper to get a picture that isn’t blurry or pixelated. So what does 1000 pixels get you? About 3 and a third inches of photo printed out. Maybe 4 if I push it. That’s why you can’t send little website pictures for your poster. Things pulled from your website are almost guaranteed to be awful for print. Find the original camera photo.
(for big signs the dpi requirement goes down but seriously, please try and aim for 3000px or more)

If a designer sends you a design, logo, or other very important thing as a PDF, keep it. The PDF is the only one any good for printing. Do not send JPGs of your logo for print. It is usually way too small and also twice as difficult to work with. Your logo will print awfully. JPGs are the worst possible format for a logo. EPS is ok but it’s an inefficient format and outdated.

If someone tells you to send a vector PDF, do not take your file.jpg and rename it file.pdf. It does not work. Raster and vector are totally different formats that can’t be converted that way. I’ll also know immediately upon opening it and judge you negatively for doing that.

Do not stretch fonts. They look awful that way and they were designed to be visually perfect the way they are. Fonts come with extended and condensed widths for a reason, and if the font you’re using doesn’t have that and you need it, find a different font. If a font doesn’t come in bold or italic, do not use your program to force bold or italic. That also looks awful.

66

When working in a bank and a client/customer calls and is in a really shitty mood, they are not angry at you. Do not take it personally, be as cool as a cucumber, let them blow out their steam and, after their rant say “So, Mr/s {customer}, how can I help you?”. That really takes the wind out of their sails.

67

In email, keep the fancy graphics and logo signatures to a minimum. If there’s an attachment I need to save, I don’t need your company logo and flowery background in my email downloads folder.
I have several “stationery” templates I use for reocurring emails if I often send similar message to certain clients - saves time. (Contains subject line, cc’s, etc.)

68

You’d love me. Whenever I’m having something done with my logo and they ask for the file I’ll always say “Do you want a jpeg, a PDF or the illustrator (vector) file?” I swear sometimes I can hear their jaws hit the desk. On top of that, I have the Pantone colors as well AND I have my own black and white version of it.

I can usually guess at how good the outcome is going to be based on their response.

We’ve had a lot of compliments on our logo. People that have to print it or embroider it can always tell right off the bat that it was done professionally. I’m sure that’s partially because I have the Pantone colors and an .ai file but I guess there’s something else in there that they tell me makes it easier to print.

Oh, and I also have one of the main parts of it (the ‘swoosh’ if you will) in it’s own file so when we just have that printed on it’s own you [the printer] don’t have to pull it cut it out, I can send you just that part.

Sure, it’s all extra money up front, but it’s nice because no matter who I send this stuff to* it always looks the same, it’s the same color, the same size, the same quality (thanks to the vector file), it was expensive but it’s been worth it.

*Except for those people that ask for the .jpeg and then stretch it out all weird and it comes back twice as long as it started.

69

Related, when calling a business and you are in a shitty mood, realize that the first person to answer the phone is not the one you want to yell at.
In fact, that poor schlub likely wants to yell at the same person you do, and can transfer you to them immediately.

70

Another tip from the printing industry: If you hire someone to design a logo, and all you get is a jpeg, you got screwed. You need a vector version, for clean reproduction and spot-color use. I DO get jpgs all the time, but so often a client will tell a designer, “An eps file?!? I can’t open that in Word!” Trust me, you may not need it, but your printer might.

71

Saw the username and expected a different sort of work related tip. Just sayin’.

72

Recently when I call or visit a business my first interaction is “How are you?” I am beginning to learn how to deal with them after I hear their response. I find they don’t expect a sincere question about their day. Usually it’s “I’m good, how are you?” so I try to listen to the tone, watch for their facial expressions and time how long it takes them to reply. I then counter with asking how busy they’ve been that day, chat about what the weather is like and, sometimes after, what I think about their products or services.

73

When you screw up something, call someone, say “I screwed up something, can you help please?”

If someone else screws up something and it’s possible for them to fix it, give them a chance to fix it and don’t act like you’re above making mistakes. Thank them for their work in fixing it even when it’s their mistake. Heck, ESPECIALLY when it’s their mistake. You want employees, customers, and vendors to think that they can admit fault and work with you for a solution rather than feeling like they have to hide it.

Compliment people for their work when you can, for their demeanor when you can, and for their anything else you can reasonably compliment them for. “You do good work,” “I don’t think you get enough credit for your collating skills,” “You make this workplace less of a hellhole.” Don’t go overboard, but find positive things to say to people about what they bring to the workplace or the world. “You’re always so helpful, you make it easy to order string!”

If you’re ever considering doing something to teach someone a lesson, don’t.

If you have an assistant, treat him or her like something precious and valuable. THEY ARE.

If you say you’re going to call someone back, call them back. I had a boss who would tell me to tell people he would call them back, then find an excuse not to call them and have me call them with that excuse. I hated that, and the people we were dealing with hated it.

Take notes.

Keep gossip to a minimum and don’t badmouth bosses, underlings, other employees, customers, or anyone you regularly do business with in the workplace. If the office develops an attitude toward a customer or a vendor or a government agency, that attitude WILL come out in future dealings. Don’t get into the habit of holding anyone in contempt.

Show up on time. Always.

Even in a business deal where one side says “All sales are final” or something equally daunting, if something goes wrong, try to negotiate. Don’t be a dick about it just because you can or just because you’re desperate.

74

Hehe. It was originally seal_clubber, but

75

If you’re trying to get into a class for next semester and it’s full, wait until the end of the semester when the grades come out and try again. We drop the students who failed the pre-reqs, so you might see a seat or two open up. Grab it quick!

Also, if a class is full in your major department and you’re in a smaller, less competitive department (think liberal arts, not the College of Business or the School of Art or the Nursing program), it can’t hurt to call up the department and ask them as nicely as you know how whether there might be a chance that they could raise the seating capacity by one and let you in. They generally bend over backwards for their own majors to make sure everybody gets out the door in eight semesters.

My only issue with DMark’s e-mail tip is that if I keep the e-mail for reference, I can’t find it again. My co-workers sometimes use extremely vague subject lines like Fall 2013. Um, yeah. I have the same issue with trying to get everybody to open the e-mail with important information. Some people will actually tell us that it’s easier to just call us up and ask. It’s in the e-mail! Read the stinkin’ e-mail!

76

I will definitely agree about the chance to pee!

And the thermite grenade to a claymore? The M18A1 claymore is a bunch of steel balls embedded in epoxy and the explosive is C4. You get a bang and a shotgun effect with a side of explosion. Not good but manageable [as long as you are not either blown up or holed by the steel ball bearings]

Now, thermite is spiffy stuff - it is several times hotter than the sun and pretty much impossible to put out because it packs along its own oxidizer.

Add the two, you have the blast and steel ball bearings bouncing around, you have a fire that just won’t be put out to deal with. So you have dead people, wounded people, people running away and people trying to deal with the dead and wounded, and people trying to deal with that fire that won’t go out. So instead of tying up a handful of people, you have tied up a lot of people, and resources as well as destroyed resources. Much better way of dealing with the opposition force.

77

FedEx must get a signature on every delivery they make to a Business so paying for the signature in that case is dumb. On a Direct Signature they just dump it on the receptionist or anyone that will sign.

78

Another one regarding school. I found that when you go to sell your book back the price they give you is somewhat based on how many they have in stock, so instead of selling them back right at the end of the semester, I would wait until a few weeks into the next semester. Suddenly my stack of books that was worth $15 was now worth $100 because they went from having 50 of each book to having 2 of each book.

Of course you run the risk of your books becoming obsolete if a new version coming out or the professor moving to a new book entirely.

79

Non-descriptive email titles are a big problem, as are non-descriptive file names. My tip from the trenches–give your emails and files reasonably descriptive titles and you will make everyone’s life easier.

If you’re sending an email about the renewal of the Jones lease at 123 Fake St, then put a title on it that indicates that. “123 Fake St - Jones Lease Renewal” is good. “123 Fake St - Jones Lease” is fine. “123 Fake St” is not fine because there are a thousand emails out there about 123 Fake St. “Jones lease” by itself is pretty bad, but better than “Lease” or “question” or some dumb thing like that.

Same goes for document titles. If you’re sending me a copy of the Jones lease, you need to give it a better title than “lease.” Or worse, “scan document” or whatever your scanner automatically titles things. How about calling it, say, “123 Fake St - Jones Lease” or something like that?

How is it not common sense to do these things?

80

I don’t know how I managed to get through my days without this information, thank you!