Boy, if there’s one thing I can readily get my hands on (as it were), it’s poop. With two cats and two dogs, I’m rich in poop.
12 foot long lock cable from Harbor Freight. Lock it around the car rear axle. Um, maybe not the most practical solution, but it might work.
Maybe I can get a12-foot long python to protect my bike.
In the OP you say you have an SUV. If you are concerned about theft why don’t you fold the back seat and put the bike inside?