Hey you! Yeah, you, the worthless little sheetstain that
pilfered my only set of wheels. What the hell were you
thinking when you cut the cable and took MY bike, asshead?
I mean, sure, it was a fairly decent ride, and it had a
shiny new bigass cargo basket, and it looked new, but that’s
probably because I just bought the fuckin’ thing, nutsweat!
I only owned the goddamned thing for a couple of months, but
I’d also already gotten good and fucking used to having it
around. It was nice being able to travel on my own whim,
but you’ve put me back on the bus, you self-absorbed prick…
You wanna add some insult to my injury? I live in the southeast
side of the city… I was in the northeast side… I biked a good
30km to get to that mall, you little puke… Yep, so far away from
home, and you steal my wheels. Thank the gods for transit, or I’d
have a taxi bill to stuff down your annoying little gullet.
I close my eyes, and I can see you in my mind’s eye, standing there
grinning like a ditzy little punk… a stupid “I don’t care about
anyone but me” grin plastered across your face, showing me all those
nice, shiny teeth I’d love to break… alas, I know I will probably
never see you, nor will the police or mall security ever find my
bike. You’ve gotten away, you’ve won this time…
But I fear not. Karma will strike hard, and to me, it would be sweet
to see. Maybe you’ll ride MY bike out in front of the C-Train, or
perhaps you’ve discovered the loose seat the hard way, and gotten
dumped into oncoming traffic. It’s just too bad I left you my
helmet, locked onto my bike, to afford you a slight bit of protection,
but perhaps that helmet won’t do against the grill of a semi, eh?
Bad juju aside, you’ve taught me a lesson. You’ve shown me the error
of feeling safe in locking my property to a rack, and you’ve shown
me that I can get some mean satisfaction by taking the holding pins
out of my front wheel, from now on. Go on, take it now… see how
far you go, hmmm?
(Ah, that feels better. Even though he’ll never read it, man that feels
better. Death to your enemies! …even if it’s only in your mind. Hehe.)