I’m somewhat concerned about my girlfriend. She has always held beliefs that I consider to be preposterous, but now I am starting to question her mental health. She believes in an afterlife, and believes that deceased people can be communicated with via spiritual mediums. She also adheres to beliefs that are frequently associated with this practice, such as tarot card reading. In the past I have always been uncritical of her beliefs, but privately dismissed them as “New Age mumbo-jumbo” and regarded them as simply a natural and understandable response to fear of death. But now she’s telling me that she sees dead people. Should I encourage her to seek psychiatric attention? She says that this only occurs when she is in bed. Is it possible that wishful thinking is causing her to confuse dream states with reality? If so, is this pathological?
How possible is it that she’s actually seeing dead people? I personally don’t believe that our consciousness persists after death, but a substantial portion of the world’s population does. She’s always told me amazing stories about things that spiritual mediums have revealed to her, but I’ve always dismissed them as parlor tricks. Should I call her on the carpet and essentially say “prove it”?
Other than her fondness for the spiritual medium, is there anything else that’s “wrong” with her? If she’s otherwise a good/honest/moral person, I wouldn’t be concerned about it. Her preoccupation with spirits and whatnot doesn’t appear to be hurting anyone, so I would just let her be…
As others have said, I, as a (I suppose) straight female, find that I will often be admiring of another woman’s appearance, but no, it’s seesm not to be the same as sexual atraction for me. (OLf course, maybe I am jsut terribly repressed !)
Really, though, it is hard to explain - I don’t mean like wanting sex with her/them. Neither do I simply mean “oh she is so pretty - I aqm envious”
And, jsut like another poster said, if I have ever said to a boyfriend, male friend, even brother - “wow - she looks good - what marvellous face/hair whatever…” then I think they do tend to think I am making a subtle announcement.
MInd uyuou I have also said that another woman was very attractive and I coudl wish I looked like her, only to learn that she was in facr, lving as a womn for whatever amount of time it is prior to geneder reassignment surgerty.
It is NOT possible except at the morgue or a mortician’s establishment.
Houdini spend a great deal of time trying to communicate with the deceased, and in exposing fraudulent mediums. :rolleyes:
“Randi” currently exposes frauds of all kinds including mediums, fortune tellers, etc.
<http://www.randi.org/>
I say as long as it’s not causing you guys problems functioning in daily life, I wouldn’t worry about it.
I’m thinking that there may be a name for something like this where you hear/see things right as you drop off to sleep.
It occurs in some of my family, but not me.
Do you foresee a future with this woman? If not then why bother?
IF YOU DO…and if you love her then you will accept her as she is and not criticize what she believes. You will no longer have her if you show that you don’t respect her if not her beliefs. That is what they are BTW, her beliefs a part of WHO she is. Whether you hold them or not is irrelevent. Don’t patronize her or belittle her. Simply tell her that you don’t share those beliefs but that if she does it won’t change your feelings for her. (IF this is true) When she tries to persuade you to her way of thinking IF she does, then calmly explain your reasons but respectfully. If you really think she is insane for having these beliefs then perhaps you should see the shrink. There are millions of people in the world that would back her up on these ideas.
I really wouldn’t worry about it myself. Unless it’s something that is just whack for you to deal with. Odds are that you’ll end it anyway. Some people like life to be mystical and they rebel against those who would make it less so. I unintentionally ran off a girlfriend many years ago this way. So take my word on this…at least from my experiences. good luck
Apologies for my previous mess-up. What I meant to say (and I am in no way a cousellor/psychiatrist or anything) is that unless she is troubled by these “sightings” or troubled in some other way, well what harm is done. After all, plenty of people in the world have “religious” bewliefs that others find quite illogical.
One thing, I suppose, though - if this is really a confusion of half-awake half-dreaming…perhaps she is under some temporary stress and her sleeping pattern is a bit off?
I can see that it would be worrisome if, on heading off to work, or fetching a few grooceries, she stopped to converse with a few dead people along the way. Hwever, these visions or allucinations oro short dreams or whatever only occur when she is in bed, and, we coudl suppose, heading off to sleep. That doesn’t seem worth dragging her off to a medic for, not in itself. If these events are causing her worry, though…that’s a bit different.
Yeah I’ll give ya that one. I was speaking more in terms of the rest of the OP. I realize now that he was perhaps being more specific about his concern regarding the possible hallucinations. I still wouldn’t be that concerned…there are a few books available that deal with this type of “delusional” behavior. It is often simply a case of a person’s desire to be special or attempts to get attention. Let me get back on the specifics regarding the OP’s concern. Sorry if I missed the boat on this.
Definately not. Love means accepting people as they are. Consider this as part of her “religion.” Consider whether a “mixed marriage” of this kind (your vs. her beliefs), will survive, before you marry her.
As to ‘dead people…’ She is experiencing something. It may be misinterpreted experiences fueled by wishful thinking. It may be some kind of psychic communication, which, according to those who have experienced this sort of thing, generally happens more readily when the brain is in the alpha brain wave, which occurs as we are dropping off to sleep or just waking up, and while dreaming.
As to what she’s experiencing, she believes it’s ‘dead people.’ Spirits of those who have passed on. There’s lots of things it could be other than that.
Unless it becomes an obsessional behavior which disrupts her life, let it be, and be understanding.
If she starts telling you things that come true after a couple days… then perhaps she is contacting something more meaningful, and maybe you’ll be a convert!
Contrarily to tarot reading, beliefs in afterlife, etc…, seeing dead people isn’t normal. Since it happens only when she sleeps, then maybe these are mere dreams. You could want to check also the previous threads about sleep paralysis, which can cause similar hallucinations, and ask her whether or not she has some of its other symptoms (unable to move, in particular, weight on the chest, etc…)Here some previous thread about sleep paralysis :
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=150687&highlight=sleep+paralysis
Now, some people wrote that you should love her as she is, but personnally, assuming it’s not sleep paralysis nor mere dreams, I would be worried. Mistaking your dreams for real experiences, for a adult, is already somewhat creepy. If she is lying and making up the whole “I see dead people” stuff, I would find this an abnormal behavior. And if it’s genuine and repeated hallucinations, I would be very
worried, and certainly would suggest seeing a psychiatrist, or barring that, go and see one myself to ask him if my concerns are justified.
I’d say it’s going to be a rocky road at best. It’s hard to respect someone who has irrational beliefs, and even harder to live with someone you can’t respect.
Chances are, the OP has very little chance of getting her to see logic. Your comparison to religion is very apt in this respect. “Beliefs” are scary things indeed. Some people cling to them stubbornly, shutting their eyes, and plugging up their ears to anything which might challenge those beliefs, and become hostile when people challenge them. Hostility is not something one wants in a relationship. An issue like this can become a sticking point, eventually destroying everything.
Sadly, and I say this with genuine sympathy and sadness, that has about as much chance of working as convincing lekatt that invisible pink pixies aren’t gadding about the living room.
As for all the counseling you’ve received here to “accept her just the way she is”, that Bill Joel nonsense is thoroughly insulting! You should only accept such things in people you don’t give a damn about. If you dislike them, let them be. If you love someone, you should commit yourself to helping them to grow and overcome their confusions and delusions, just as they should do for you. These are such arduous and important goals, that it only makes sense to attempt them with someone you love.
Why make the effort? Why not just leave her to her delusions?
Well, for one thing, if she’s now “seeing” dead people and other things that aren’t there and aren’t real, who is to doubt that she’ll soon start “seeing” you making love to the next-door neighbor’s dead grandmother-in-law? Or their Siamese cat? Or that she’ll start “seeing” Jesus looking like Patrick Swayze wearing nothing but a swastika while selling Tupperware door-to-door?
In all seriousness, urging her strongly to see a psychiatrist or other scientific mental health professional – now – would be a genuine act of love on your part. In most cases, early discovery and treatment substantially improves outcomes.
I’m inclined to agree she’s delusional, but it’s amazing how this forum is so skeptical about so many things. And then it’s ironic that since it seems 3/4 of the forum is skeptics, and 3/4 of the forum seems to buy into crazy conspiracy theories relating to President Bush, we see a certain logical inconsistency.
Anways, I can claim for certain that I’ve seen apparitions and things that defy the laws of physics.
And I can show them to you, as well. It just takes a little square of paper and an open mind.
hey, while you’re at it, get her to accept one of the more extreme sects of Islam, so she cannot let other men see her face or hair.
If you can’t let someone you love maintain their own belief systems, then you don’t know what love is. Changing someone “for their own good” is closer to slavery than love.
Unless their beliefs start hurting themself, you or others (anorexia/bulemia to look good for you, refusing to do anything until; her tarot reader has been consulted, etc.), hey, you may be the one that’s delusional!
That’s the second time you’ve said this today, so you evidently think it’s a really astute observation instead of what it is - a crass overgeneralization that is totally irrelevant to this thread. :rolleyes:
You can claim anything for certain, the issue is being right.
