Dead People Aren't Magical, And There Aren't Any Signs!

Okay, I have had it with these motherfucking mystical bullshit-spewers on this motherfucking planet! How many times have you heard people talk about their dead relatives and how they watch over them and see everything they do? I’ve heard it plenty- too much, in fact. Guess what- if they see everything you do, they also see you masturbate and pick your nose! Haha! So next time you’re getting it on with your vibrator or your hand, think about great-grandma watching that shit! Also, please note that dead people do not create rainbows to send you messages! Stop interpreting perfectly natural occurrences as mystical messages sent just for you, asshole! That’s my rainbow, too! Whenever I hear people say that their dead relatives are there, I say, “Ew! Don’t they stink??”

Also, there aren’t any signs, okay? Once at work, sitting at the lunch table, a coworker told everyone how it was perfectly fine that her unmarried 16 year-old daughter was pregnant, because they figured out that she must have conceived right when her grandfather was dying, so it was a sign! Yeah, it was a sign that she had unprotected sex, dumbass! I just got off the phone with one of my best friends, who told me that her period is two weeks late, and she thinks she’s pregnant, even though her tubes were tied a couple of years ago. Even though she’s single and already has three kids that she can barely support, if she is pregnant, she’s going to keep it, because if she got pregnant while her tubes were tied, then it’s a sign! :rolleyes: It’s not a fucking sign! I’m all for supporting her choice and it’s her right to keep it, but come on- make your choices based on fact and biology, not some mystical bullshit that you just made up in your head!

So, to sum up- dead people don’t watch you and they don’t make things happen in order to send you messages, and there aren’t any signs. Okay? Can we think like grownups now?

Don’t wanna.

I’ve never figured out how death gives you supernormal, magical powers.

Why are you preaching to the choir here? Hardly anyone on this forum is going to disagree with you. Shitting all over other peoples’ spiritual beliefs is so common here, there’s absolutely nothing unique about it. Why don’t you go over to the nearest Indian reservation and gather the whole tribe together and give them a good speech about how the beliefs that they’ve held for thousands of years, and that give their lives meaning, are a bunch of bullshit?

Hey, I’m just ranting. Other people get to. Also, my dead grandpa says get off my back.

Oddly enough, the person that got the most upset when people supposedly “talked to Great-Uncle George”? Our pastor.

**“There is NO evidence for that!” **he’d practically scream.

“Once you start believing that, you’ll go nuts, or open yourself to all sorts of scams.”

I think your pastor had a point.

Did he pass the collection plate right after that?

Ha, yeah… while I appreciate the pastor’s frankness there, he does promote the ultimate in magical dead guys.

Why do you post here? You hate it here. You hate everything about this place. All you do is bitch and moan. You add nothing to the board, and you obviously don’t like it. Why don’t you go find some homo-erotic gun’s rights forum or something where you’ll fit in? You’ll be happier, and so will we because you suck.

Win/win!

That is not remotely true. I love this place. What the hell’s the matter with you? You can dish out the snark with the best of them - don’t blow yer stack just because I threw one barb at an OP. Isn’t that what this forum is for?

I happen to know the woman who’s mother controls all weather. So stay on my good side.

“Yeah? No shit, genius. Now are you gonna buy some chips or not?”

Yes yes. It’s long been known by the more skeptical among us that communication from beyond the grave is a scientific impossibility. But, do you know which popular belief is still holding strong, despite all evidence to the contrary? Candlejack. It’s ridiculous! There is not one iota of evidence that

Candlejack is a joke, stop being f

I saw an image of Eli Manning in my scrambled eggs this morning, and I took that as a sign that NYG would win the Super Bowl.

[Deion Sanders]
“I believe in Eli!”
[DS]

Well, it came true, thereby proving that your eggs are somehow mystically charged.
Where do you buy your eggs?

You scrambled The Eggs Of God!

How them eggs lookin’ now?